I posted this on a different sub and figured it might be needed here as well.
I’m brown (Bengali Canadian) and have seen a lot of posts from people of South and East Asian descent complaining about how they feel their race/ethnicity may be hindering their chances in the dating world.
I’m not here to shit on you who feel like you’re being unfairly dismissed, because I actually do agree. Unlike non-Asians, I can actually empathize with this. Back in high school, I was the skinny ugly kid that got no girls whatsoever. I also got made fun of for my dark skin tone shit ton (which is actually socially acceptable if the target is not black apparently) and got told since I was young that brown and asian guys can’t get white girls.
Even during my first year of university I struggled and couldn’t find much success. I also did notice that other brown/asian men were having issues compared to white and black guys. I for one am 5’8, quite dark, and have a stutter. I go to a majority white school with a large “bro” culture so of course I fell behind.
During the whole 2020-2021 shtick, I started working out at home and outside, and then eventually the gym. I picked up hobbies such as mixing beats and skiing later on. I also got deep into graphic design and ended up being a designer for various clubs and organizations. I started experimenting with my style and also started rocking various accessories such as rings, bracelets, and pendants. I turned myself into someone reasonably attractive, still not a 10 and I don’t think I’ll ever get there and that’s ok.
Since late 2021 I’ve had much better success. I’ve gone on dates with white, asian, and latina women who I met at school, tinder, bars/clubs, school clubs, etc. I’ve been with girls that I could only dream of talking to back then. Genuinely not trying to brag but for the sake of inspiration and perspective, one of the girls I’ve been with is a model and I was her first brown (and non white) guy. I’m by no means a catch and I’m also not pulling girls left and right, but I have ok success and for now I’m happy with that. I’ve found that for tinder specifically, having photos of me doing hobbies and being in group settings really helped. My first two photos (which usually grab the attention) is of me at a restaurant and skiing with my friends respectively.
What I’m trying to say is that it’s not over. There is hope, and it all comes down to not just self improvement but being the person you always wanted to be. Do stuff you’re passionate about and take care of your body, those things alone will help increase your happiness and testosterone which itself makes you more confident/pleasant. Put yourself out there as well. I know it’s scary and I suffer from social anxiety as well but I promise most people want to get to know you as well. Also, mandatory to work out. If you can’t afford a gym membership then start calisthenics. Go get that Bruce Lee or Shah Rukh Khan look. Eat well, sleep 6-8 hours a night and at the same time (don’t mess your circadian rhythm up). If you have ADHD, take your meds. If you have thinning hair, talk to your doctor and see if you can get on minoxidil. Experiment with your fashion; everyone’s style is different so don’t just base it off what people do. Get a good job as well. Money indicates success and stability, which is sexy. And don’t put women on a pedestal either. Just talk to them as if they were your bros. I promise you it’ll work out.
And before some of you non-Asian pricks start chiming in with “sEe RaCe DoEsNt MaTtEr At AlL”, fuck off. It still does. I know that I will never have as much success as some white frat boy or a black athlete. In North America that would be nearly impossible because we’re new generation and the stereotypes about us are negative. But you and I can still go out there and kill it. I’m here to acknowledge the struggle while also lifting us up and letting them know that you have to play with the cards dealt with you. I want to see a new generation of guys from Asia becoming strong men with swagger. Let’s break this stereotype
2 comments
Greetings from a fellow (albeit white) Canadian! Congrats on the success with dating, there’s no shame in letting others know, and it seems like you’re proud of the progress you made so feel good about that!
>I’ve found that for tinder specifically, having photos of me doing hobbies and being in group settings really helped. My first two photos (which usually grab the attention) is of me at a restaurant and skiing with my friends respectively.
This 100%. I (even as a 6’1 white guy) used to get next to no matches on the apps. Why? Because my profile was boring and my pics were all ugly mirror selfies. Add in a pic of me snowboarding, one of me playing guitar in a band, and one of me at in a suit with friends at a work party, and the matches started pouring in.
Finally, onto the skin colour. I agree that SOME women definitely do discriminate against Asian men, and people of other races as well. I come from a small town where many of the girls seemed to only want tall muscular white tradesmen and hockey players, and now living in the city I see a ton of wannabe hood girls fetishizing black guys 24/7. But with that being said, I have also definitely come across white girls who in fact prefer Asian guys, for a wide variety of reasons (cultural curiosity, interest in Asian shows or anime, etc.) And again, as a white guy, I can assure you that I haven’t exactly always been drowning in p*ssy either. Also where’s the love for Asian girls? They’re absolutely beautiful! Why just focus on finding success with whites?
I live in an area where lots of attractive women are rich sorority types, which is not my type & not as likely to date asian men. As you said, I’ve been taking good care of myself and my dating life has been ok as well. The game is not fair, but things are definitely not hopeless. I think brown people look really good with nice facial hair, I’m a bit jealous on that haha