I just wanted to share a little trick I learned a few years ago that really helped me in those moments where I ran out of things to say and hit one of those awkward silences..

So a few years back I worked in a retail job in a small store.

All my coworkers were very outgoing and talkative.

It was fine when it was me and at least 2 other people. Because they would ALWAYS keep the conversation going and there was no pressure on me.

But when it was just me and ONE other person… UGH

I absolutely hated trying to keep a conversation going. It was exhausting. And I inevitably hit that mental barrier where my mind just went blank, and we ended up sitting in awkward silence.

Over time I did a variety of things to improve my conversation skills, but I’d like to share one with you that really helped and it was pretty easy to start using.

Now.. Just to be clear, this is NOT something I came up with. In fact, this is actually a very common “improv technique” to use while doing improvised stage performances.

# Its just a simple acronym: HPM

Which stands for History, Philosophy and Metaphor.

The purpose of this acronym is to help you quickly come up with a response to just about anything a person says to you (in most cases)..

**History:** Is simply responding by sharing your own personal experience relating to what they say.

**Philosophy:** Is responding by expressing your beliefs, opinion or attitude toward what they said.

**Metaphor:** Is simply when you compare what they said to something that has a similar quality.

# So for example:

Lets say someone said *”I should probably clean my apartment when I get home”*

And your mind goes blank.. You don’t know what to say.. Try HPM..

**One by one, ask yourself these 3 questions..**

**History:** “How does this relate to my own personal experience?”

**Philosophy:** “What is my belief, opinion or attitude toward what they said?”

**Metaphor:** “What does this remind me of?”

# Some sample responses

They say *”I should probably clean my apartment when I get home”*

**History:** “I just cleaned my room the other day and finally found my other airpod!”

**Philosophy:** “I honestly love cleaning. I think its really therapeutic”

**Metaphor:** “For me, cleaning my apartment is like a treasure hunt, I always find stuff I forgot I had!”

# So you can see..

The purpose of this acronym is to help you give yourself “content” to respond with.

Just ask yourself the questions, and respond with the answer.

**Now.. This is just ONE small trick that you can add to your arsenal.**

In the example I gave, theres **many ways** you could respond.

But in those moments where you find yourself panicking with **mind blank**.. This is an “easy out”.

So try it out! Just memorize HPM. Remember the questions. And if you find yourself in a tight situation, just ask yourself the questions and you’ll be surprised at how effective it can be.

So anyways! This is just one little trick that helped me a few years ago.

So I figured, who knows, maybe it could help someone else. Cheers!

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25 comments

  2. Omg I was just talking about this technique with my friend the other day

    I personally believe it is an excellent way to engage effortlessly and get to know somone!

    It’s just like that time I killed a guy

  4. This is great! I’m starting a new job in retail this week so I’ll be sure to use this.

  5. wow thanks for this! I’m starting a job this week and am a bit nervous about having to interact with lots of new people. Sometimes I just don’t know what to say.

  6. “I should probably clean my apartment when I get home”

    ​

    You’re messy too? Thought I was alone in the battle of the dust bunnies, dirty dishes, food debris all over kitchen, dirty clothes sitting out for 2 weeks.

  7. This will make me worry that it might make me look like a narcissist who turn conversation to about themself

    Any advice to avoid that?

  10. Wow definitely will keep this in mind.

    But how do you start a conversation in an awkward silence?

  11. That’s wonderful piece of advice. Can you suggest about starting a conversation ??

  12. I can’t say I would be able to come up with metaphorical on the spot.
    As for me, FORD is more for finding topic, for expanding on them, I go by EARS:

    Emotion (your attitude towards something) = “I honestly love cleaning. I think its really therapeutic”

    Advice (people love talking) = “What do you do while cleaning? Podcast? Audiobook? Music?”

    Result (or history) = “I just cleaned my room the other day and finally found my other airpod!”

    Similarities (and Differences) = “Do you also find stuff you forgot about?”

  13. I think philosophy is best to use first in most cases so the other person feels like they’re being heard, then you can follow up with a history or metaphor if you still don’t know what to say. If you’re always using history or metaphor then you may come off as self absorbed since it seems like you’re always trying to tie the topic back to yourself.

  19. I didn’t realize I’m supposed to say something when someone says they should probably clean their apartment. But that checks out because I have no friends.

  23. Chris Voss, master of negotiation, teaches that repeating the last word/few words in an interrogative tone makes the person talk more and more and you get to know more information.

    Example:

    >”I should probably clean my apartment when I get home”

    -When you get home?

    “Yeah, finally made up my mind to change my daily routine into healthy habits

    – Healthy habits?

    ” Yeah! You know running, eating healthy, meditating….”

    —————-
    Two things:

    1) obviously you can’t use ALL the time. Especially when what the other person says, is a question

    2) in this last example you would get the choice of 4 subjects: running ( sport), food, meditation and your own opinion/experience with habits.

    Then you go back to repeating the last words until something like this happens.

    Every 3-4 last word repeating add a comment of your own so that the person feels like not only are you listening and interested in whatever they talk about, but you also contribute to the conversation

    With introverts you only need to find those subjects they really like.

    The other day was talking with the shy girl at class, and convo was dry until we talked about military ( she wants to join it)

    It’s okay to have silences from time to time as well

  25. In all honesty this advice is GOLD! I’m a pretty intelligent person and pretty articulate but only when dealing with higher thinking people. Small talk absolutely baffles me. I hate it. I’m such a dork I’ve even read books on the subject but this is gonna help me immensely. Thank you OP.

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