Some are
1- Nobody is busier than someone who doesn’t want you

2- Politeness is not attraction

3- Mixed feedbacks are usually a no

4- People know exactly what they want or don’t want from you, trying to change their minds will be a giant waste of time

5- Actually very few people will truly like you

43 comments

  1. I think these are great, but I would modify #5 to say that few people will truly like you “enough to pursue a committed relationship”.

  2. 1. Never give second chances to people. If they disappointed you the first time they will disappoint you again.

    2. When you stop chasing after people you quickly find out that the majority of them think so little of you that they don’t even notice when you go silent on them.

    3. You are easily replaceable. Men and women treat you like an old iPhone model that they can easily upgrade to something better.

  4. 6 – if someone likes you it won’t be confusing

    7 – if you have repeated issues with attracting or keeping people interesting in you the problem is you.

    8 – related to ^, it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with your character or values, it just means you don’t possess the qualities that attract others. often times what attracts people is amoral and is unrelated to what makes you a good/talented/honest/nice/etc person.

  5. We live in the age of short attention spans, lots of options, and unrealistic expectations set by social media. A lot of people are just looking for the next best person

  6. If you are getting single line message responses and have to initiate every conversation.

    There is nothing there for you, just move on.

  7. 6. Red flags are valid and things will tip you off for a reason. Do not try to power through them or perform mental gymnastics on their behalf.

    7. A glimpse at someone’s past behavior in relationships is a solid indicator how they would behave in a relationship with you.

    8. Everybody wants what they can’t have.

  9. There are some people who seem amazing on paper but since you aren’t attracted to them (either looks or personality) its never going to work.

    Other people will also think this about you.

  10. Another one- The way you’re being treated is way more important than how much you love someone.

  11. 6: it’s ok to to not be compatible with someone else. A person not being attracted to you or interested in you does not indicate failure in either person. Discovering what you want and don’t want in a partner is part of the dating process.

    7. Attractiveness is subjective. Someone might look at you and think you’re a 5/10 someone else could think you’re an 8/10. Factors like personality, financial stability, emotional maturity, and how you treat your partner can all effect your “league” and how desirable you are to others. Stop attributing your lack of romantic success to one factor like your looks.

  12. No. 1 is one I find most people are in denial of. Using the “Oh theyre just *busy*” excuse. If someone likes you – they will make time for you js

  13. They always say that actions speak louder than words. This is mostly true, but sometimes you meet that person where actions and words line up, then they don’t, then they do. Where actions show you that they like/want you, but their words say otherwise. Or the other way around. Some people are just so unpredictable, don’t waste you time with that.

  15. I would add that if someone starts going cold, don’t try to go back to where it was. It’s usually to late at that point.

    Edit: thanks for the silver random Reddit person!

  19. Even though I had an idea of being interested in someone and making time for them already, this week was definitely nailed it in for me.

    First girl I asked said she was busy this weekend not providing an alternate day, I said cool whenever you’re next free let me know, then said the next two weekends she was busy again not providing another day.

    Second girl I asked said she was busy the next few weekends, I said the same thing, cool when you’re next free let me know. She offered Friday if she’s able to move her plans with her friend otherwise it’d be during the week. I just said once you know what’s up with friday then we can sort something and here we are, got myself a date this Friday (because she’s actually interested to meet).

    Watch her cancel last minute 🤣

  20. Been introverted my whole life. Finally started putting myself out there in the dating scene and now I’m exploring a whole new world of how shitty people can be. The first point hit me like a train 😂

  21. I cannot agree with this more. I will add another based on my life experience:

    ​

    6- Don’t try and force something. If it is going to work, let it develop naturally.

    I came out of something that I was chasing for YEARS trying to make it work. It was horrible, and was impacting my life more than I could realize.

    I stopped looking and stumbled into someone without realizing it and didn’t try and force anything because I wasn’t expecting anything. We got engaged last month. So I cannot stress enough, to just stop trying to dive straight into a romantic relationship with someone because it’s what you think you want. Get to know the person first. Let things flow naturally and if it is going to go anywhere, it will.

  22. The red flags you choose to ignore at the beginning will be the reason you break up in the end.

    Write the red/green flags down in a note app.

  23. 1. Don’t take it too personal, the way they behave with you it’s how they feel about themselves. This is directed to us too
    2. You can’t be liked by everyone, just like you don’t like everyone; trust the process and your path.
    3. Don’t ever settle for anything less than what you actually deserve, not what you think you deserve.
    4. Always, always listen to what your instinct is telling you, always trust your gut.
    5. See how they behave towards you. If they are giving you mixed signals or they dont put too much effort, they are not as interested.
    6. Majority of cases, it’s not true when they say they are not ready to commit. They will for the right person, accept that simply you are incompatible.
    7. Learn to do acceptance and let go.

    Even if you don’t have much self confidence, and you will go back committing the same mistakes and getting with the same type of people who are toxic for you, it’s ok; as long as you learn. It’s ok to give yourself time to learn and understand that you actually do deserve better. And that if you recognise early on patterns that indicate this person is not healthy for you, or that this person can’t give you what you are looking for, it doesn’t matter how hot they are or how cool the way they talk is, just say no and walk away, because inevitably you want different things.

  24. You’re not that important. Nobody cares what you’re doing or who you’re talking to. If you want to talk to that girl at Starbucks, do it. Nobody cares. Nobody cares what you’re doing at the gym. Nobody cares what you’re doing at Target.

  25. Also – don’t think there is “only one” person for you or chase after someone you think is a “soulmate” – they’re not. There are many people that you can be compatible with. Different people bring out different sides of your personality, bring different experiences, etc. Don’t get stuck on “the one” and think you “can’t live without” them. You can, and you can be just as happy if not happier.

  26. If someone is taking 2 days to respond to your texts, you need to move on. Nobody is so busy not to check their phones for 2 days.

  27. Instead of asking people if they have a gf/bf. Say this instead.

    “Are you in a committed relationship?“

    Follow up with this: “Is there anyone that thinks they are in a committed relationship with you? “

  28. Lol dating is like warfare. You need to know your own army so fucking well. Even a great shark isn’t powerful on land. Play to your strengths. Audit your army, continually study your strengths, your weaknesses, and where people might attack. You need to know your hell nos, and what you can put up with, and what you are looking for. Cut off people that waste your time or cross you.

    Then of course study the enemy. That’s a whole different story.

  29. 6 – Unabashedly be yourself but understand that your dating life is a balance between empathy and self care.

    7 – Be. Present. in. the .Moment – A date is where you should have fun. Meeting/Talking/chatting with somebody new is a discovery – Inquisitiveness to understand more of what they like – what drives them to do what they do – what is their story – If the other person is not equally present in this, it is not worth it.

    8 – Its about managing and actioning on your emotions –

    Feeling horny – Go to a sex worker/ Create a tinder profile and be clear you want a one night stand/ Get a fleshtoy /sex doll if you have the money. Just be clear to not do this all the time but as a fail safe

    Not getting companionship – get a dog/cat or a snake if it makes you less lonely. Hell get a waifu pillow and cuddle that. No one needs to know. Do what you need to do.

    9 – Never stop trying – Take a break, focus on yourself do what it takes. Get help if you need it but never stop trying.

  31. These are all true. But I think instead of trying to teach people to learn these signs, we should teach people not to lead others on. People wouldn’t have to learn these hard lessons if people would be honest and say they’re not interested instead of giving mixed feedback or making up lies.

  32. Many people want the fun warm-fuzzies and benefits of being in a relationship (i.e. consistent sex with some without they trust, snuggles, someone to talk to when they’re lonely) but don’t want the commitment of a relationship but won’t tell you that. They often may not even fully realize that’s what they are doing. Through my 20s I’ve both done this to others and had it done to me. It’s okay to have that type of relationship if the intention is verbalized and mutually agreed upon, but it often is not and can be hard on the other party.

  33. 1. People can only see you and treat you from their own perspective.
    2. Have no expectations and you will have more good experiences.
    3. You can’t count on somebody else to make you happy.
    4. First get to know somebody as a fellow human and then as a potential partner.
    5. There are some people that you just can’t click with no matter what and you just gotta let it go.
    6. Don’t change your personality for the sole purpose of others liking and accepting you.

  34. I’d add that if someone cancels on you last minute, its probably because of their own insecurities or anxieties and isn’t because of anything you did. Don’t let shitty people make you feel shitty!

  35. If you treat a date like you’re just meeting a new friend to do something interesting as opposed to a potential romantic partner / precursor to sex you will both have
    such a better time.

  37. I’d say this could all be summed up nice into

    “If someone doesn’t want to be with you, don’t try to change their mind”

    All very good advice though!

  38. Some big ones that come to mind:

    – A lot of people mistake what they are ready for with what they are longing for.

    – People are astoundingly bad at predicting who will be and won’t be a good match for them before meeting in person

    – It’s hard to break up with someone who is a bad fit, but it is exceptionally more difficult to break up with someone who is good but not great

  39. Another saying I have is beware of the relationships that come on like fireworks.

    It’s the firework vs fireplace analogy.

    Fireworks are exciting, beautiful, loud, and exhilarating. But they come and go — FAST. And you just might get burnt.

    I am now personally looking for my fireplace, harder to start, and if I feed it lots of love, it will keep me warm for a long time. It’s beautiful^(<3).

  41. Not sure if I agree with some of this. I love my friends and family more than anything, but sometimes they don’t hear from me often. I’m taking 24 credit hours in school right now, on top of working full time. If I took the time to extensively respond to everyone I care about every day, I wouldn’t get anything done. Sometimes people are legitimately too busy and preoccupied with other things.

    I’ve also been with my boyfriend for 3 years, I love him dearly, and guess what? I gave him mixed feedback for the first couple months of knowing him. I didn’t know what I wanted at the time. Then I did.

    Not everyone is the same or wants to spend all day on their phone or worry about “good morning” texts when they’re sleep deprived and running late for work every day. I go hours without looking at my phone, especially since I deleted my social media accounts.

    Point 2 can stay though. People can be nice and also not want to bone you.

  42. Growing up, my mom always told me that how youre treated at the beginning of the relationship is the best theyll ever treat you

  43. The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever recieved:

    It’s your responsibility to become attractive to the type of person you’re attracted to.

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