It takes me too long to process what someone else has said to me. I often say things that I realize don’t make sense once my brain has time to process the conversation. It can lead to some awkward situations, or some situations where I seem insensitive. I love text conversations because I don’t have this problem.
I also have a hard time following instructions if they aren’t written down.
Any advice?
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No advice, but I have the same issue, and it just clicked to me in the last week this was happening. I always wondered why I couldn’t come up with responses, and it’s mainly because I can’t comprehend what’s being sad to me. I’m planning on going to my doctor to see if I can get tested for auditory processing disorder and ADHD.
May be because of cognitive skills
This is a processing issue. Could be APD (Auditory Processing Disorder), and isn’t necessarily your fault or indicative of a lack of social skills on your part. Unfortunately, I don’t have much advice on this, but will say to focus on what you *can* control. Most of the time, people are talking and enjoy talking about themselves. Maintaining eye contact and being attentive can carry you through most conversations. If they are asking questions or making jokes, I suppose a lack of or delay in reaction can be awkward. You do not have to respond immediately to questions, you can take time to process.
I take small bits of what they’re saying (key words, things that are emphasized, adjectives, subject) and repeat them in my head. If it was something i need extra time or effort to process/understand, I’ll at least try to summarize what they’ve said back and ask if I understood them correctly
Same.
When i process the first sentence, they are already on their third sentence.
As for instructions. My reason is that i get anxiety because i can’t exactly remember the wording of the instruction. So writing it down let’s me to relax as i can always look things up. Also had a few times then the one giving instructions forgot what they said and assume that they did say what they currently said. They said “do x”, after doing it they say “why didn’t you do y” and when you tell them that they told you to do x, they deny it and said that they did tell you to do y. Thus having written (and aproved) instructions can be proof that thry did order you to do x.
My brain tends to retain how the words made me feel and forget the actual words.
My workaround is telling people how my brain processes things and always having somewhere to write stuff down.
I think we just mentally slow or just don’t talk to a bunch of people
I’m in an insanely fast paced job where I’m constantly juggling 20-30 things. If anyone ever calls me over there’s a pen and pad in my hands. Always. I gave up trying to listen remember and recall a long time ago. Now I write key words and actions as fast as I can and have learned certain filler questions and stalls to slow them without it being noticeable.
I’d advise you to just take your time with replies. Allow yourself to process what’s being said before you reply. I do this by saying something like “that’s a good question” or “hm, let me think.” After saying some little line that I believe it’s appropriate to pause before replying. Taking your time and enduring some awkward silence is better than saying something that may be insensitive or offend the other person imo.
So, my advice would depend a little on what your relationship to your conversational partner is and whether you feel comfortable being honest about those issues.
For example, my roommate (whom I’m pretty close with) and I have been friends for years and she is an extremely fast talker, while I have the same issues you do. I used to get really frustrated with myself when my answers weren’t adequate to the conversation, because I couldn’t process the content fast enough. But we talked about this and now I usually focus on taking in her side of things, asking clarification questions, etc. and if I don’t have any answers at that moment, I’ll take a couple of hours or days to think and we return to the topic at a later point.
Obviously, that’s not possible in many (or most) social situations. I’d say in many instances, try to latch on to one thing they are saying and ask them to elaborate on it, while you process the rest of the information. There are types of questions you can use for pretty much any context, like “cool, so what’s your favourite aspect of [topic]” or “what makes you interested in [topic]”, stuff like that. If you’re asked to give an opinion, don’t hesitate to say, “let me think about this for a second”.
As for instructions, if you can I’d always write them down. If not, use the same strategy, repeat them back to the person who’s giving them for clarification, or just in your own head, as simplified as possible so you can keep them in mind.
Hope anything of my rambling helped you, good luck for future conversations!