Men who were bad with dating women before but then became good, what happened?

32 comments

  1. I stopped giving a fuck.

    Ever since I stopped caring about whether she will stay or leave, my confidence level rose up. It also gave me a back bone.

  3. Stopped holding myself back, beating around the bush, and go talk to some women and ask them out.

  4. i started hanging out with girls as friends, that really helped me be a better partner (and person) when i did eventually get into relationships down the road

    the key was to not expect anything romantic from my female friends, i just treated them like the regular people they are

  5. My priorities changed.

    I went from a dumbshit who only cared about getting laid, to someone who was crushingly alone.

    Then I had a heart attack, lost weight, worked on myself, got a bit more confidence and grew up.

    I also met a woman who didn’t play games, told me what she wanted and I constantly knew where things stood. I learned how important communication and compassion were. I’ve been with my wife nearly eight years, married coming up to five.

    We have had zero fights. The closest we came to an actual disagreement was what shade of green a dress was and we agreed to disagree.. just married to an art teacher things, I guess. Lol.

  6. After few bad relationships I let go of any hope of getting anything meaningful and stopped giving a fuck.
    In a matter of month of being an asshole I got laid more than my whole life.
    But it wasn’t way of life I wanted, so I bailed out and focused on myself.

  8. Used to be absolute shit at dating, I have had some girls interested in me but I managed to screw it up very quickly anyway.

    What changed was getting a woman friend. She was a bit older but a smokeshow and constantly dated random guys, we chatted a lot and I learned from her perspective. In the meantime I got my shit together, improved hygene, got better clothes, worked on my mental health and career. Over the course of couple years I went from undateable to choosing between who I want to date.

  10. I bought a house.

    No seriously, the best panty peeler a man can own is a house. Prior to owning the house I was saving for a down payment, which in my case involved living in a very tiny (and crappy) apartment so that I could save every penny to get that down payment.

    When I’d bring dates home to *that* apartment, that was the last night I was going to see them. I would get ghosted. So maybe 2-3 dates in, though later I would just try to avoid bringing them to my place for as long as possible. This is where you learn that even when you just straight up tell a woman *’I’m living in a terrible apartment to save money for a house that I should be ready to buy soon, so there’s no need to see the apartment’* that women will insist that *’No really, I don’t care about things like that, I just want to know more about how you live’* that it is eventually unavoidable. And that’s the last time you will see them.

    Then I bought the house… wow, then it was hard getting rid of dates. Basically if they came over to my house I knew I’d get laid. So then, with house in tow I was able to start dating more successfully. Meaning I could essentially date these women as long as I wanted to, which was the opposite of my 20s where basically I could get some dates but would find the women eventually would just ghost me.

    So with the volume of dating I started to understand women better and I started getting out of my own way so to speak with dating. Women aren’t complicated. I would say if they seem complicated, they are probably just lying, and once you learn the types of things women lie about that seem crazy, you just start to learn to filter them better.

  13. I’m not sure Id be considered good in the real world but I’m able to get dates with women I actually like and had a long term relationship.

    The biggest thing for me was changing my philosophy and mindset coupled with tons of practice. I learned from others what supposedly works but then I had a lot of game time to try it out. Unless you’re tall and really good looking, you’re gonna fail a lot. But these failures are lessons you learn from and accumulate experience.

  14. I became a physician. White coat profile picture on Tinder definitely upped my game.

  15. Never be friends with a woman you are attracted to/have feelings for. Just don’t.
    Women use male friends for emotional support, food, whatever they need at the moment, they have sex with guys they actually like. She might throw you a crumb of Pussy now and again but it’s for validation and to keep you around.

  16. Wearing suits.

    It’s strange much girls care about materialistic features, but that’s the only different I can think of and it went from 10% match rate to 60% match rate on dating apps a few years ago when I did the switch.

  17. Gave up on their criteria. Just behaved formally n rationally. If they struggle to be mature, or decent. I take my leave

  19. I did this in reverse. I had massive success with women, then let it go.

    There’s a number of ways I accomplished this undesirable feat, and here are a few:

    1. I stopped being seductive. Started having “how are you” conversations.

    2. I got older, but kept doing regular jobs. When you’re young, young women will date you if they think you have social potential. But as you age, they expect you to have some success (read: 💰). I got older, but not richer. It’s not ideal.

    3. I left a career dominated by women, and moved to a rural area. When you’re in sexual minority, you become almost automatically pre-selected. Women may start secretly competing for your attention. But in a rural area, it’s slim pickings.

    4. I walked away from a management job with a company car and company lakeside cabin. Let’s be real: women seek a man who can provide. They want a winner with money. The higher you go socially, the more ladies become available to you, and the prettier they become as well.

    5. I tried getting to know women as friends instead of going on dates. Plus for various reasons, I started learning how to date with a cell phone kind of late in the game. Eventually I learned to text/call to set a date, then leave her alone. Let her do 80% of the work so she can feel you’re high value.

    That kind of statement gets hated on, on Reddit, but only because not all guys understand how and why this works. They don’t understand hypergamy.

    So take all that and do the opposite. Be seductive (but honest), don’t kiss up, scale up in society, get into situations where women outnumber men, & set a sexual tone (while also getting to know them).

    Source: a guy who used to get girls, lost it, and is slowly getting it back.

    But this is perhaps the most important: even now, I still date 10’s (they’re crazy, but at least they’re pretty). You don’t have to be rich or have high social status to get dates. Most women will relax on their “list” of what they’re looking for if you just keep them happy and entertained. Be relaxed, be yourself, and believe that what you want is inevitable.

    When you believe that, and just talk with a woman, you’d be amazed at what happens.

  21. I gave up the “trying” part, just started living and improving my life. People just want to be part of it when things are going good.

  22. I’ll let you know when I’m good at dating. Although, I don’t think dating itself is really that hard. The real challenge is kinda the luck of the draw and finding someone you’ll actually enjoy spending time with.

    Can you find things to talk about? Can you show genuine interest in another person? Are you capable of expressing empathy? Can you be laid back and relaxed? Can you present yourself well? Can you take a hint? Congrats, you’re probably good at dating.

    You can have a nice date with someone but not be that interested in them or vise versa. And an important skill is graciously accepting when things don’t work out for whatever reason. Someone stops responding to you? Fine, that’s their prerogative, so no hard feelings. Someone lets you down easy? Alright, not a big deal, thank you for being upfront with me. Someone gives you a bad gut feeling? There are plenty of fish in the sea, I can let this one go.

  23. Got older so the dating demographic was wider. Also working a job in sales forced me to vastly improve my social skills. Getting in shape definitely won’t hurt your odds.

  24. Really just age/experience. As a young man most of us need quite a bit of work. Certainly I did. We aren’t all that useful, we haven’t accrued resources, our opinions, thoughts, feelings all need some development. It’s no surprise that the ladies wanted not much to do with me at 18-20. Built myself up steadily, intentionally over time. I’m a way better catch today at 34 than I ever was at 20.

  25. I went from earning below the poverty level to above the median. It was amazing how much more attractive and charming I became!

  27. I learned that all women are different, some are going to find me charming and attractive, others will see me as a funny brother type figure, others will think I’m not even worthy of acknowledgement as a man.

    Then it was a matter of being social, meeting a lot of women through work, social circles, interests etc. and figuring out the personality traits of the ones who found me attractive (nerdy student types who want to enjoy themselves but also have some goals in life of their own, maybe start a family at some point in the distant future.) vs. those who didn’t (cool girls, hard core sports girls, life of the party girls, girls who want a bad boy or a guy who will just make all the decisions for them).

    Once I figured out who to focus on and who to just not bother with, regardless of how hot or sexy they are my success rate went to a whole new level.

  28. I just started going through the motions on a more industrial scale, get the matches, book the date, show up, be funny, dress well etc etc.

    Before I knew it dating was easy, didn’t make finding the right girl any easier though.

  29. Forced myself to deal with social interactions, hit the gym, and got good at telling stories.

    Hitting the gym was honestly the biggest factor for getting a response, but being able to do anything meaningful with that doesn’t happen unless you’ve learned or picked up social skills, often through trial and error at times

  30. I chased women for years, now I have to run from them. Ain’t no fun when the rabbits got the gun as we say.

  31. Don’t care if I got rejected. Always have a backup plan.. if a girl flakes or blows you off… who cares, hang out with friends or do a hobby instead. Being too communicative and available early on comes off as clingy or needy, which is a huge turn off to most girls. I was guilty of this.

  32. Form a genuine friendship.
    Then see if feelings develop.
    And if they don’t, at least you have a friend.

    Forcing a relationship is the absolute worst.

    It is either there or it isn’t. If your lady is healthy and in touch with her own feelings, she will pick up on it.

    If she is mature, she will speak to you directly about it.

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