I am a (29m) and girlfriend is (30f). So I was being nosey on my significant other’s FB account and found some things that shot down my self confidence.

40 comments

1. Ouch. Sorry. A missive that begins I was snooping on my girlfriends Facebook account never ever ends well. But you needed to know this. I don’t approve of the snooping. But you know. That’s the point. And what you read was really painful. But it was also two years ago. How long did this go on? A month or nine months? It’s possible if she really fell for you after that. The fabrication of monogamy was bullshit. And her being forced into a relationship with you or whatever is alarming. She has a lot a lot a lot to answer for. I’m not sure I would stay with this person. I’m not sure I wouldn’t. It’s going to be a talk. And if you live together get a plan together for if you need to vacate. I hope you have somewhere soft to land for a while at least. But if she doesn’t give you answers that make sense to you and take full responsibility? Time to dip.

2. When did she stop seeing the other guy, and did she say anything about in later conversations?

3. It kind of seems like you’re are her backup plan. Maybe the other dude never wanted a relationship. You’re going to need to talk to her and see where her head is. It sucks but she may only be with you because she doesn’t want to be alone.

4. People are gonna say “she is with you and not him”, like that’s some sort of consolation price. I would be gone personally, I doubt there would be much she could say to change my mind.

   If you aren’t certain all you can is talk to her and see if you like the answers or you think it’s bs she spews

5. Just bounce dude. She’s a liar regardless of anything else.

6. So you found out your woman lies to benefit herself

   Told you at the beginning you were the only one when smashing another , singing the praises of another

   Yeah trust done , relationship done

   If you want to try and salvage something you could talk to her but you know she lies so it won’t mean much.

7. She’s already cheated bro – and hid it from you.

   She’s scum – drop hr

8. UpdateMe!

9. Self-pity and self-loathing is a real sickness. Whatever your issues are at least you’re not two-faced.

   Don’t be anyone’s insurance policy.

10. Sure, you may not have been “official” but she still lied. Do yourself a favor and cut her loose so you can find a woman that doesn’t fuck other dudes while you’re trying to start a romantic relationship, or at least is honest about it if she does.

11. She settled for you and when she said she was exclusive to you, she wasnt and is okay with lying to you about it.

    Love yourself more than you love her and leave.

12. I wouldn’t stay with someone who felt they were forced to be with me

13. Everything aside, she’s a liar.

    Leave.

14. Have some self respect and dump your trash.

15. I’d be gone. Feeling like a consolation prize sucks…you deserve better.

16. I would imagine “forced” means you are the safe/logical person. She enjoys the sex and life better with the other guy, but will settle because she wants a stable life (or whatever it is she thinks you provide.)

    So she’s saying she’ll settle for you and use you for what you can give her, while pretending to love you.

17. Just leave. You don’t need this from anybody. Take care of you first.

18. Yea no bro get out of this relationship now. I have zero respect for people who do this.

19. Give her the freedom to ef herself and forget that she exists.

20. I think it’s weird that people are downvoting those bringing up the invasion of privacy. Like it’s somehow okay to do that for no reason as long as you happen to find some shit.

    OP, break up. She’s apparently not that into you and if you were going through her accounts you clearly don’t trust her anyway.

21. Wait I’m confused

    So she was having sex with this dude after you two were officially dating or just in the talking stages?

    If it was just the talking stages then she’s still a lier an I wonder if she was having sex with him while still having sex with you

    But if it was after you became official then she’s a cheater

22. She “settled” on you or the other dude had had enough.

    Either way, have to ask yourself if you’re ok with that. Seems like you’re not, you know what to do.

23. Facebook is too often a war zone for relationships with friends and family. IMO (62F). Also your girlfriend should be replaced in your life with either no one (fly solo) or some one who values and respects you. Someone trustworthy, a true friend and someone who has your back. Too much going on in life already without you having to have nonsense going on in your intimate life. Don’t give anyone the power over your own self confidence. Mourn this loss. Learn the lesson about yourself it has to teach you and turn the page of this chapter in the book of your one life. Good luck to you.

24. Omg that hurts so much. If I ever found out that my boyfriend had said, “I’m kind of forced into relationship with her” that would be the end. I’d rather be alone than hold hands with someone who felt they’d been forced into this.

25. Doesn’t sound like someone I would want to be with

26. I’m just curious, where you 2 exclusive during this time or just dating ?

27. You should be *thinking* about tying your shoes.

    You should be *feeling* yourself walking out the door. Permanently.

28. Don’t think anything . Drop her and move on . Go full “no contact ” .

29. for some, when you’re just hooking up with something casual and it doesn’t mean anything except sex then that’s when you talk to your girlfriends about it. I don’t need my girlfriends knowing that stuff about a man who might be my husband. But a dude who is on the same wavelength as me that this is just about sex? then ya, I’ll talk about the sex.

    I’ll probably be down voted for that response but there is an overwhelmingly large chance that it meant nothing. I can totally understand how it would give you a shot in the insecurity feels though. Your feelings are valid but I don’t think it necessarily means anything. You don’t necessarily wind up with your “hottest” sex, there’s such varying levels and context behind things…like your best sex isn’t necessarily your hottest or the one you “brag” about…like I’m not marrying my “dick appointment” nor am I likely to talk over mimosas about how my boyfriend and I stared in eat others eyes lovingly while we fucked…ya know what I mean?

    I hope you’re able to process this smoothly regardless of what you decide and maybe talk to your girlfriend to get some reassurance, because you deserve to put your mind at ease.

30. There is a difference between secrecy and privacy.

    As she was cheating and exposing you to potential STI/STD’s, that is a far worse betrayal. You only were having unprotected sex because she convinced you she wasn’t seeing anyone else.

    Was all this conversation with one friend? There was no other conversations?

    Honestly, you should bring this up to her. She betrayed your trust.

    Maybe suggest you ran into that dude and say he told you the most interesting story. A story about her, and that you were confused about timelines. Make her squirm and confess. If she brushes it off, then push for more as you know more.

    I wish you the best on your choice to stay or leave. It’s okay to leave because of this betrayal. You have to wonder what else she’s lied about or manipulated you about. Also, get a complex STI/STD panel run asap.

31. Imo it doesn’t really matter where y’all are at now since your relationship is built on a foundation of “well I had my side dick until I was ready to settle down with the safest guy I could figure out how to get comfortable with”. She never brought up the topic of sex with you because it was never about letting others know you were hitting it right. It was more about whether you looked good enough to keep around long term as a partner. See it for what it is.

32. Nahh u gotta leave her bro dont ruin your self respect like that

33. You are a safe backup. I wouldnt want to be that im sure most wouldnt not as well.

34. You either can live with it or you can’t. I highly doubt you anything she could or would say is going to mend this in your mind.

    I think you need to move on. Do your best not to let this create another complex. Although again hard to imagine it wouldn’t.

    Cliche but simply put doesn’t sound like it was meant to be. And you are not with the right person

35. I think you need to dump her skanky ass, she was cheating on you while assuring you that you were the only one. There is no trust here. find someone better,

36. That’s something I’d end a relationship over.

37. How long have you been dating? Haizzz… You were still a married man two years ago. Yeah, I did some digging lol.

    This is the thing, unless you’re separated then, your gf and you were not exclusive 2 years ago. Well, up until a year ago I suppose. So it was the “PAST” perse.

    Although her saying she felt that she’s forced into a relationship with you, does that mean, she insisted for you to get a divorce, then you finally did last year and then, she felt as if she had to follow through to be exclusive/monogamous with you? It does not sound good.

    It seems to me that you may be a more stable option than the other guy. The other guy may be great in bed, etc but he’s not the kind you have a steady relationship with. And she’s in the 30s, she probably has one of those fears–being in the 30s–and wanting to have a good stable relationship, if she hasn’t really had one before. So you’ll ‘do.’ And frankly that’s not a very good mindset to have.

    I suppose talk to her about it, I know you’re focusing about the other guy being a stallion in bed, but yeah, what’s that about her feeling as if she’s forced to be with you? Good luck.

38. Uh, she already cheated. Drop her and find someone worthy.

39. Don’t lose your confidence after this. Instead it’s more encouragement for you to leave and find better.

40. I’m a chick, and I’d be making an exit strategy if I read that.