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It’s been awhile since I’ve posted in here! I’ve been on this sub since 2016 so almost 7 years now. Engaged to be married later this year, but when there’s a wedding, there’s always family drama. My fiancé said to me that I should be proud I have not fallen to the patterns of my parent’s toxic relationship (divorced since before 2008 but maintain some relationship which I don’t understand, and dad has a girlfriend that lives in another state).
I have to remind myself to let go of their toxicity, let them sort it out for themselves and just leave me out of it. If one doesn’t show, that’s no longer my problem. I’ll be sad, but I’ll be happy beginning a new journey with my fiancé.
So I basically pulled way back on my effort for dating because it gets annoying to talk a lot before a date, develop a connection and then theres no chemistry so we just never talk again. (I’m actually doing better with this than I thought I would, but it’s still not fun). Anyway I went on a date last night totally assuming there wouldn’t be any chemistry because it’s how it’s gone and also i just didn’t think there’d be any but I always give it a shot because you never know.
Anyway we definitely had chemistry so that caught me off guard 🤣
Incompatibility =/= Flaws
I’ve become way less social in the last 6 months and now I’m worried about boring my dates. I used to always be able to chime in with all of my exciting and cool plans but I have been by myself for what feels like 90% of the time on weekends since the fall. I think I’ve been refraining from putting effort into dating because I feel like when they find out how solitary I’ve been that I come off looking like a loner and that’s not me at all
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Wasn’t always this way but I def noticed I was the planner of my group… when I stopped planning no one else picked up the slack. Also lost my mom a year ago and those moments really show who is there for you vs who isn’t – literally one of my best friends at the time didn’t even send a text ONCE to ask how I was doing. Coupled with me really trying to get something to take off with my career and side hustle, I just haven’t had time to focus on making new friends. I’m hoping to force myself out of my comfort zone next month to fix this problem!
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had two previous fwb’s reach out to solidify plans this week and I may take them both up on it because why tf not lol
I suspect that ~~women~~ people on OLD have too many options for their own good, maybe some here can chime in? It’s a pretty regular pattern for me to match, have some small talk, ask out them on a date, they accept date enthusiastically, confirm time/date/location, exchange numbers and move off the app, and then they will un-match on the app and ghost from texting. I can only imagine this happens because someone who they are more interested in pops up, otherwise why give me your number if you don’t intend on actually going out? I don’t take it personally, but it’s still annoying.
I know OLD is wishy washy for everyone, but I never ask someone out on a date without full intention of following through. I have tried setting dates for as short out as possible so there is less time for either of us to overthink it, but it’s still a pretty low conversion rate.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/12u92ci/comment/jh63ddp/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) from Friday. Her parents loved me, her brother and his family loved me. I had a foam sword fight with her nephews. I got killed several times in a dramatic way.
Dublin was lovely too, and I can’t wait to go back
FFS! Mars in the microwave, or whatever that astrological monstrosity is. Another ex just came out of the woodworks. I guess this is why y’all block them. RIP my mental health.
Went on first post-breakup date after taking some time to heal. I ultimately said that I was not interested in a second date, but now I’m wondering if I was too uptight.
We had a good time talking over drinks and generally got along. He paid for the drinks even though I offered, asked me if I got home safely, and we had a nice depth to our conversations. However, he made comments about how he would break up with someone if they ever went too long without sex, made references having more extreme BDSM preferences and wanted to know what my kinks were, and finally did some low key negging about how shy I was and “needed more life in me”.
Would anyone else have found this behavior off putting for a first date with a stranger?
Feeling disappointed and down today after my relationship went from “yes this is the one, he’s about to propose, let’s start planning the wedding!” to “who is this person, how can he act like this is okay, should we even continue the relationship?” all in the space of one weekend. I’m confused, discouraged, disillusioned, and wondering if the past 9 months were all just a waste.
My last date last week, during the date the guy told me he is in an open relationship. Seriously?! I’m so discouraged
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GF of almost 2 years won’t let me move in with her although I literally stay at her house every single day and throws a fit if I consider staying at my apartment since…you know…I don’t live there with her so I have no say at her place.
So, update on being stood up: „Lukewarm guy“ sent a message after more than eight hours of radio silence, not acknowledging our date snd asking me when we could meet again. I nearly fell off my chair. I responded saying we would have very much met a few hours ago but obviously we didn’t and that I was extremely disappointed. He then responded saying he didn’t think we had set up a fixed time and that he must’ve misinterpreted our communication when he was still half-asleep. He must’ve reread our convo because he followed up with an apology and taking responsibility for hurting and disappointing me.
I sent screenshots of our convo to a good friend who was more on my side but she could also see where he was coming from. I decided to not end what we’re having (it’s not a relationship… yet) and chalk it up to a miscommunication but I made it clear that I expect precise communication from now on and I won’t put up with wishy-washy time frames. He is on thin ice and if something like that ever happens again, I’ll kick him to the curb. While I’m still inclined to think it was abundantly clear that we were going to meet yesterday, I decided to give him another chance. The romantic part of me expects a bouquet of flowers as an apology but that’s probably not gonna happen.
Thank you all very much for your support yesterday.
I know that we are told that we are not supposed to to chase, but I really like her and I believe that she likes me too, how should I approach her?
Still a virgin at 39. I feel great about myself other than the lack of sexual prospects. Seeing great progress in the gym and general life goals though! Just sucks watching various women fawn over my more conventionally attractive buddies who are insecure and lack confidence and a general direction in life while the same women treat me like I’m some sort of creep. And I feel bad for wanting to experience sex outside the confines of a relationship.
I’ve been seeing this guy since December. He’s a great person, and he has treated me so well.
But there’s one thing I just can’t see past him – he brings up his ex *every time* I’m with him in person. Most of the time it’s random and has nothing to do with the conversation. It doesn’t make me feel insecure or anything, but it bothers me that he just casually brings her up like she’s still in his life (she’s not, they broke up 2 years ago). When he talks about a past experience he has had, he always says “we”, as in his ex and him, instead of just “I”. I just think it’s weird because why do I need to know so much about your ex and your guys’ time together?
Is it normal to bring up your ex of 8 years every day? I don’t think it’s normal, but then again, 8 years is a big chunk of your life that you can’t just forget. I’m obviously going to initiate a conversation about this and how it bothers me, but I was curious if anyone has had this happened to them before and how they handled it.
I’m honestly pissed off- everytime I find a dude I’m decently attracted to theyre ambivalent AF about me. I feel like I’m attractive enough, intelligent and have my shit together- why the fuck is this so hard?? Why does it feel like every decent guy thinks I’m not good enough- like they can do better? I just want to mutually want someone! I’ve been single for far far too long.
I broke down and paid for hinge and bumble and almost every guy swiping right on me is not my type/I’m not interested. It’s just honestly beyond frustrating at this point. I don’t wanna be alone forever but I’m so sick of feeling so unwanted.
I thought the news that I was no longer dating the gentlemen some of my coworkers/friends met at a happy hour had spread to everyone who needed to know. lol nope. I was CORNERED coming out of the staff bathroom (I work at a high school), and a teacher said to me in a “whisper” that she heard I “have a boyfriend who is wonderful and handsome and [coworker we call department dad] says he’s never seen you so happy in another person’s company…” Her whisper was NOT A whisper. Many a student was around. And I definitely am not dating this person anymore, and when I tried to make this clear without very directly saying, “I got dumped and took it hard, can we not talk about this right now?” she was NOT picking up what I was putting down. So I had to very explicitly tell her I got dumped and took it hard… in the hallway. Not my favorite interaction. Le sigh.
Then maybe 7 minutes later, I stop into another room to meet with a teacher, and she brings up the guy!! And I was CERTAIN she knew, but apparently not… so again, I have to unpack this with her and her student teacher both of whom met him at the aforementioned happy hour. They were less obnoxious, but the sweet baby 23-year-old student teacher said to me, “well, I didn’t like his hair, honestly it looked really stupid!” and replied explaining that I really like his hair and she said, “oh well, I mean its actually great I was just trying to think of something to make you feel better…” and the takeaway of all of this is just that it is exhausting and the so-called “soft launch” of this guy has come back to bite me in the butt spectacularly. So that was super fun!
Is there a good way to rope in women with intelligence? I hear women say fairly often that they’re attracted to intelligence, and I think I generally come off as fairly bright…. But it hasn’t really done anything for me in the dating world.
There’s a lot of cringe ways to flex intelligence on apps and I’m not reading esoteric books in public.
So, two weeks, I went out with a woman, “L,” from a dating app. It seemed to go pretty well. We had plans to go out again last weekend, but she had to reschedule. Then she canceled a second time, with no attempt made at rescheduling. Her reasons for canceling were family related, which I do think were legitimate. Between that and the low amount of texting, I’m feeling like she’s just not that interested. So I think I’m just gonna let it go. Given that she works nights and an unpredictable schedule, I wasn’t super optimistic anyway.
I’ve also been talking to “G1” who lives about 1.5 hours away. She seems to be very busy as she can’t meet me for another two weeks (we made plans a week ago). We also got into a bit of a disagreement around poly lifestyles. She’s poly, and I’m open to exploring that, but still on the fence. I got the sense she views poly as superior to monogamy, while I think it depends on whatever is right for the individual. We dropped that topic at her request (said it wasn’t fun for her 🙄). I still plan on meeting, at the very least, to see how the vibe is. To be honest, though, I’m not very optimistic, especially given how busy she seems.
A few days ago, I matched with two women “A” and “G2.” Though we haven’t chatted much, I already made dinner plans with A for tomorrow. I had a better conversation with G2 and asked her out. She said she was free most nights. So yesterday, I suggested a time and place for tonight, but I still haven’t heard back. So I guess it’s not happening. Even though we’ve only been talking a few days, she usually responds very promptly. So, not hearing back for this long doesn’t bode well. I may try reaching out again to make plans, but I’ve only got one free night this week and will be away this weekend.
Yesterday, I hung out with a woman (“S”) that I know IRL. We’d only ever been around each other in group settings, aside from seeing a movie together once. Obviously, there wasn’t much of a chance to talk that time. After making plans, she asked if it was as friends or a date. She said she was cool with either. Since we don’t know each other well, and some good friends had pointed out I tend to rush things, I told her I intended it to be as friends, but I’d be open to seeing where things go. Overall, we had a good fun day and got to know each other better. I’m not sure I feel a romantic connection yet. One issue is that while she’s a pretty woman, she’s a bit bigger than I generally find attractive. I’m sure that sounds kinda shallow, especially given my username, but you can’t force attraction. For me, physical attraction is pretty important in regard to dating. For now, I’m content to just keep getting to know each other as friends and see if that attraction grows.
Deleted my Bumble profile, likely do the same with Tinder and take a break. Had a match this evening on Bumble who messaged me, I sent a reply, nothing bad/risky, and they unmatched me.
Just equally frustrating that matches go cold so quickly, often after my third reply to text messages, if I’m lucky to even receive a reply. I fully appreciate that likely that they’re chatting with many people and you’ve unfortunately fallen down the pecking order, does get at you after a while.
Think just need a break from it for a period of time.
So it’s been a year since my ex husband and I split up and I think I’m finally ready to start dating. I’ve been talking to this guy I met on Hinge and we have a lot in common. He works out of town and we have plans to meet up this week when he’s back. I am skeptical because not only does he work out of town but he also has 3 kids. Kids aren’t a deal breaker for me I just don’t know how this guy has time to have a social life! I’m okay not seeing him a lot cause I’m not in a rush to dive into something. The conversation is really good and I do look forward to meeting him, so I shall see! Does anyone have experience like this where your schedules made it hard to see each other often but it still worked out? 🙂
Thinking I may be getting ghosted by the gal I went on an overall ‘ok’ date with last week. But, the positive I’m taking away from it is that I did develop a little crush on her from our first date and that’s basically the first genuine feelings of excitement I’ve had on a date since my marriage ended.
Just need to vent: BF recently told me if I’m serious about kids I should be eating better, exercising more, and drinking less. Btw I’m a healthy weight, drink moderately and do a weekly HIIT class along with walking the dog/hiking. I know I have plenty of room to improve but it’s really hard not to take personally. Also he told me to seriously look into freezing my eggs. I understand his concerns about wanting a family but it feels like I’m being seeing as a baby vessel (his words!) first and person second.
As far as I can tell things are going really well with the person I’m seeing? Like everything just gets better across the board every time?
This guy asked if I would come over to make dinner together for a first date. He also said would you prefer to meet out. But I’m still like really? Why would any guy invite someone he’s never met to his place
Been seeing this person I’d say for a couple months and he took the day off work this coming thursday so we could go to the spring fair together. He texted me good morning handsome as usual this morning but haven’t heard from him at all since I texted around noon to confirm our plans for this evening? I’m trying to control what my therapist calls my tendency to rush to conclusions, but I’m feeling worried. I know he’s been having some conflict with his roommate but other than that I don’t know what to think or do?
Maybe he doesn’t like me anymore? 😢
Had a date this weekend, and one last weekend, my first since fall 2021. Neither were terrible, but I feel like both came into the date unenthused (after what I thought was good chemistry online), and upon leaving the restaurant, both just walked straight to their cars with a flippant “talk to you later” over their shoulders
I know most first dates will be last dates, and neither felt like a love connection for me, but in the past there was at least a “nice to meet you, take care, drive safe” afterwards, with eye contact (which they both seemed to really avoid during the date)
Just got me feeling like there’s some huge blunder I made and my social skills are too eroded to see it
So it’s been a month since I’ve started dating someone (35M). I told him that he has to ask me to be his girlfriend lol or we’re not technically officially dating. He hasn’t asked yet.. Am i being to dramatic about it or impatient? Lol I’m new to dating someone older than me I’m 31F
Question about dating and height (don’t worry, it’s not **that** question):
Do you find that there is any anxiety or awkwardness in a relationship when one partner is significantly taller than the other? I’m around 5′ tall (exact height seems to vary an inch or two up from that number, depending on who you ask).
I have no concerns about dating someone taller than me. I was just wondering if anyone else has any insights about this.
There’s two seniors at the table next to me talking about how ok cupid is going for them. Ghost of Christmas future over here leaving me with some feelings to park on reddit
Debating whether or not to go out with someone. He’s a friend of a friend. If things don’t go well or if I reject him later on, I don’t want the original girl friend to be mad at me or for failed dating to affect our friendship. Thoughts?
I’m new to the dating world I guess, but I’ve really connected with 2 guys now. Both of which were sweet, fun, lovely, etc. But both ended due to mental health, anxiety, etc… just really got me thinking…. is this just going to be the norm in todays crazy messed up world???
I have my own mental health struggles, and I feel like tons of my friends do too these days… doesn’t affect me day to day too much besides work, not relationships or communication.
My marriage ended due to my ex not being able to handle his mental health and having it pour back into me in toxic/abusive ways… so I’m hyper careful not to put myself in that position again.
The first guy it happened with, I understood. The guy had some heavy stuff. But he was amazing and the best sex I’d ever had, and fun, and almost too perfect/fun. So it sucked but he had diagnosed major depression too, so I GET it. It’s not the right time. Appreciate the fun and move on (but it was a hard loss. He was incredible).
This time, I specifically connected with someone GREAT. But I kept my walls up until I trusted him enough to start lowering them, really attracted to things he said about having worked on himself and being open to communicating, being ready to fully focus on dating and being a great partner….
bam. Few weeks into chatting daily/few dates, something happened and he totally pulled back/anxiety took over due to a life issue, and he’s been totally emotionally unavailable and stopped wanting to see each other in person.
Just feels hard. The main attraction was his openness, the safety I could see in being with someone lovely and stable (along with all other great connection details too, personality, chatty, kind, funny, easy to be around etc) but alas, turned out he wasn’t all the things he said he was- emotionally stable, ready, open.
Not sure what I’m looking for here… advice maybe…? How are folks handling dating with the heaviness of so much mental struggle???
My ex just got engaged. He ended things with me last February. I blame myself a lot for our breakup. He was a wonderful guy and by the time I felt ready to reach out to him he had moved on (on the downside, that only took him two months…).
Meanwhile any guy I’ve dated over the past year has lasted 1-2 months, barely been defined, and ended with them ghosting. I can’t help but feel like my ex is the one who got away (ugh so cliche lol). I knew he was special, sincere, caring etc and the breakup really hurt. Seeing the news just resurfaced that again 🙁
My favorite thing to hear from someone is when they tell me what a catch I am! Makes it sting even harder when they end things within the next 3 weeks 😮💨
Guy I was seeing casually called me emotionally unavailable. It’s probably true. I do suck at talking about feelings, it’s not something I grew up doing with family or friends. I sucked talking about my feelings in my last relationship which I think was definitely part of it’s downfall and I also struggle to get other people to open up about their feelings and truly discuss deep things (also part of the downfall). I can’t afford therapy so if anyone has any good resources that may help it would be great.
There’s this one guy on Hinge that Hinge keeps showing me despite me hitting the little x and selecting “not interested in this person” to remove him from my stack.
I have seen this guy, at least, half a dozen times. What is further mind boggling to me is that I know I even swiped right once mostly because I was like to hell with it maybe this will get rid of the guy.
And yet, he is still popping up. Do I not understand how Hinge works? Have I reached the age where technology has surpassed me?
Maybe he’s making new profiles? Because I did notice today when he came up it said “new here” and I know he has been around for a while.