I feel like there are some people who think anything over 18 and others have a completely different opinion because of how expensive living is now (from an American perspective). How do you feel about this?
And if you move away for college but still go back to live there after/during the summers I would consider that living with parents to a degree. (I mean partially, you’re still paying rent elsewhere but not fully financially independent)
37 comments
24, Get out of there!
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You do you. It saves a lot of money. If your parents are reasonable about treating you as an adult, then go for it. If they treat you like you are six and you find yourself unable to grow into adulthood, then live on your own.
I don’t get why they act all against the idea of living with parents. Living off of parent and living with the parents are different. If you are working and making money and staying with your parents then it’s completely fine as you are contributing to the family. There’s nothing wrong in that. I’ve only seen this behaviour in the west. They are your family. After your college you are definitely getting a job so what’s there to worry. You can stay with your parents and work too.
These days are so much different to 20+ years ago. Rent, mortgage etc are so expensive and difficult. It’s so much more out of line compared to a lot of wages than it used to be. If you need to still be at your parents, do it and use it as a good opportunity to save and get out
I was out of the house at 16 and never went back. Life prob would have been easier if I stayed, but didn’t have a choice.
With the way the housing market is today, wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of people close to my age were still living at home.
They say go to college, get a degree so you can get a good job, well I did all that. Now I’m in debt up to my eyeballs because I’d student loans, and according to the bank, can’t afford a house on my own.
But yet I can pay these student loans every month and cut my landlord a check to pay his mortgage every month.
Stay at home with your parents as long as possible. Probably the only way ypu will be able to save for a house.
If say past 35 it will raise some eyebrows.
Except US. They’ve got some harsh preconceptions about people who still live with their parents when it’s financially unfeasible to do so.
Really depends on the context. If you working hard, saving money, get along with you parents, there’s nothing wrong with it. Or it can be a temporary setback. It can be a positive thing to live at home. I’d never look down on that. After college I lived with my parents for a year to get grounded in my career and save up money to buy a condo.
But if you’re a parasite with nothing going on in your life (which I’m not assuming you are) then it’s a bad look. My uncle had to kick my cousin out at 24 to teach him some responsibility. It worked.
If you’re in the first group I wouldn’t worry. I’m 30 and have a few friends who still live with their folks. And they’re saving alot of money.
Part of moving out is real life problem solving. Most of us in our 40s and 50s didn’t move out at 18 and buy a mansion or something. We moved in with 3 or 4 friends, we’d share a vehicle or two, figure out how to collectively pay the bills, keep the place clean, shop, save, drink, and live real life to the fullest, no matter how tough things got.
I don’t know that there’s a true answer to your question, but I do feel those who stay home for comfort until their 20s or later are seriously missing out on key formative experiences that will later help with figuring out how to help run your future family.
Get out when you can, but don’t feel like you need to wait until you’re comfortable.
How long is a piece of string?
Two perspectives to answer your question.
1. **Culturally**. In some Asian cultures it is common live at home until marriage and in some to continue living with parents to help raise the children and care for the aging parents. In Western culture leaving home for study or work even before marriage is common. While remaining at home is considered shameful, “failure to launch”.
2. **Practically**. If you need to move away for work or study then move away for work or study. If you are getting married then move away to live with your partner and start a family. If you can live at home and your parents accept this arrangement then it will likely be the most affordable option enabling you to build wealth for the future. If you make yourself useful to your parents and contribute your presence is more likely to be tolerated.
Everything depends on circumstances
There’s no right or wrong answer and it’s completely dependent on the situation and circumstances.
I hate the general western perception that you’re some bum or failure for living at home. As if having a loving family is some kind of flaw or setback. Generally speaking, if you’re not mooching off your parents and you’re genuinely making something of yourself while living at home, what’s the big deal? Move out when you’re ready.
Personally, I enjoy being a free spirit and there are ideological differences between me and my parents but if it was a little healthier, I would be more than happy to stay in the basement
It’s less about age and more about financial situation to me. The prime age for me to move out was during the housing crisis. I literally could not afford to move anywhere even on a decent paycheck. Sometimes it just isn’t feasible until you’re 25 or older. And even then, you’re still likely to have roommates.
I’m some cultures, staying with parents is totally considered normal – even after you are grown up and have your own kids as well.
If you are in college, it probably would make good financial sense to spend vacation time (if you are not working elsewhere) at the parents home.
After you are married. Until your parents become old and crumbly, then they can live with you.
Soon as you’re 13, old enough to get a job in the mines
If you want to date someone.
I wouldn’t include college in that, but I’d include any other life stage. In mainstream American culture, if you’re living with your parents, you’re not prepared to be dating. The age isn’t actually relevant.
The only exception is if your parents are past retirement age and they’re actually living with you in a house big enough to justify it.
This is an individual thing based on circumstances and culture.
My oldest son graduated college 4 years ago and still lives with us. We don’t even charge him rent and I’m happy to let him stay for at least the next 10ish years until I retire if he wants. When he first graduated, work had him travelling so it didn’t make sense to have him move out just to not live there because of said travel. Then the pandemic hit and he was set up to work from home. Now it’s just “stay until you have enough to buy a house or want to move in with your girlfriend”.
My younger son is about to graduate college and we will extend him the same courtesy if he wants it.
Disclaimer: this is my perspective as an upper-middleclass white man living in the west. There are all kinds of cultural or financial reasons to handle things differently, but if you come from a similar background to me I’m probably going to judge you by these standards.
I think it’s fine to stay at home for a few years after finishing high school, and I can see a case for staying through your higher education years. However, I would urge most people to move out as soon as they are able.
I’ve heard many people argue that they are “just as independent” living with their parents as people who have moved out. I’m sorry, but you just aren’t. Even *if* you do all your own chores, cooking, cleaning, etc (which, being real, you don’t), you still have a level of comfort that can be limiting.
There’s a certain amount of personal growth and experience that I think (*if you have the means*) you are robbing yourself of if you don’t live at least some of your younger years independently.
Yes it will be hard. There might be times you can barely afford rent. You might have to live with shitty roommates. You might be lonely at times. That’s the point. Facing those challenges will make you a better person.
I have 3 kids. They can live with me forever, as long as they contribute. Western culture is fucked up. We should be more community driven like other cultures….living as bigger family units, supporting each other, etc.
There’s no reason my kids need to be out of my house at a certain age. I love being close with family.
Probably 25-30 at the latest. I think it’s a good idea to stay at your parents place after college to save money, pay off student loan debt and start to build your career but eventually you will want to get out there on your own.
I think 20-22
25.
Moving out is good for everyone.
The idea that you have to quit living with your parents ASAP is bred in Western notions of individualism that is meant to further the interests of capitalism. Who cares how old you are and still living with your parents.
How about it’s no one’s business if you live with your parents. Its your life and you know how to navigate it best.
There’s no right or wrong age to live with your parents. It’s subjective. Maybe you’re taking care of your parents, maybe it’s financial, it doesn’t matter the reason.
Pressure to leave your parents’ home is just a dumb social construct to put pressure on people to go rent or buy something even if they can’t afford it.
Im married and we rent, don’t live with our parents, but I could care less who does.
I’m Mexican and most of my family basically lives together until death
I think if you’re into your late 20’s and still at home, there better be a reason (e.g. saving for a house). If you’re just “looking for work” while secretly believing that delayed gratification is really just holding off until 4:20 to spark up your first bowl, then you’re a problem.
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A lot of people are saying that western culture is awful for encouraging young adults to move out, but this misses the point as I see it.
I want my son to be autonomous. I want him to learn what being on his own actually entails. There are responsibilities he’s never had, but also freedoms. Right now, its an abstraction, but when he’s faced with the reality, I expect it to be an epiphany. I don’t mind if he lives with us after college, but I’d prefer if he moved in with a roommate or two and gave it a try. We will always be here for him if he needs us. He can always come home.
I lived at home till I was 26, worked two jobs, paid off my student loans and car, max’d out my retirement and saved 150 grand (put 50 of it down on my house) that made my life very easy.
If you have a great relationship with your parents USE it to your advantage. And if you do most moms don’t want you to leave anyways.
Cons – I’d give girls piggyback rides up to my bedroom so my parents only heard one set of foot steps.
I’ll answer. My former male bff still lives at home at he will be 49 this year. He never moved out because he wanted to focus on his business. That was great at first but he has had the COMIC BOOK
SHOP for over 20+ years now. Business is maybe ok? Anyway, still in same bedroom, not married, no children. Right next door to where his parents sleep. That’s. Too. Effin. Old. And honestly, this gap in maturity is one of the reasons we no longer speak. It became too estranged. Whew.
Have a friend (M 26) who lives at his parents house, in his childhood room, works from home, and doesn’t pay rent, buy groceries, or contribute in any way to help his aging parents. Dude has a college degree and makes more than enough money to rent his own place somewhere, but if I (M 25) ever bring up the concept of moving out, even just talking about my own apartment, he always says it’s too expensive. Then a day or two later he’s telling me about the new expensive electronic gadgets he’s buying himself. Newest version of every gaming console, drones, cameras, just stuff he thinks is fun and cool. Hell, he’s rented out a studio to work from because his parents “are distracting” and spent a decent amount of his time there (while still living at his folk’s house) before giving up on that because it was “too expensive.”
So .. it’s different for everybody, but if you’re living with mom and dad because you think you can’t afford rent, but you CAN afford to spend thousands of dollars on things you don’t need…you’re probably too old to still be living with your parents.
My wife’s brother still live with his parents, no money saved, no businesses, he is 48. Has been to college and technical schools a few times
“From an American perspective” This is a key statement… we’re conditioned by social norms to think there’s something wrong with multi-generational homes. There’s not. It’s a stupid norm that perpetuates increasing levels of debt for the masses while funneling money up the pipeline to be locked away by the ultra wealthy and corporations.
There is no age that’s too old. Do what works for and makes sense to you.
I’m 30 with my parents, they are happy to have me. Been having lots of struggles since graduating college finding full time work. I do have a job and am not a total freeloader. I spent a few years after graduating working around the country where I wasn’t living with them but they always said I was welcome to.
In 2021 I had a high school reunion, was nervous about my situation and while yes there are some people who are already married or have kids, I found out much more people than just myself were still living with their parents. Made me feel less nervous or embarrassed about it
In this economy you can live with your parents indefinitely and I wouldn’t bat an eye.
Societal pressure? 1-2 years after graduating college/trade school. Or if you graduated high school then 2-3 years into a higher paying job.
But as stated by someone else if you’re living off your parents that’s different. If you’re paying for groceries and some form of rent then I don’t see the problem with staying with them as long as they don’t care.
Moved out at 19. Got divorced and moved back in with my now widowed dad at 41.
The housing market sucks, can’t buy a house at the moment. I got a new job that I travel 50-75% of the time.
My dad likes having me here, so I’m in no hurry to leave. He’s mentioned moving in with me once I buy another house. It’s working out shockingly well. I am somewhat embarrassed for living in my dads basement like a loser, but he’s so happy to have me around so it’s a little less embarrassing
Never thought I’d be in this situation