My boyfriend of 3 years, off and on, told me the only way for us to continue to be together is for me to move to him. We met online and started dating online, we’ve met multiple times in person but we live in different states, me (PA) & him (GA). I love him I do, but I don’t know if I can afford or even want to move to him. His mind is set on that is the only way for us to be together and that he will not move to me , we both are enrolled in colleges in our current states and I would have to move colleges to his state. It would be a giant change and I would be away from my family and friends and would know no one in his state besides him and his friends. I want to be with him, I truly do but I don’t know if I can make the move. Moving across multiple states is extremely scary and there’s so many possible “what ifs” that could happen. I’m lost and don’t know what to do. Even if I did move there, I would move back after I finish my undergraduate years I would move back to my state to complete medical school due to them having better medical schools near my state. I just need others opinions, I don’t know what to do because I want to be with him but I don’t know what to do.
5 comments
He’s not worth it.
He won’t consider moving to you because it’s too inconvenient for him, but he likes you just enough that if you upheaved your entire life to be with him then he won’t break up with you.
LDR is very difficult, that’s understandable. But the main problem here is that he doesn’t love you, and somebody who feels that meh about you isn’t worth uprooting your life and rewriting your dreams for.
Don’t upend your whole life for a guy.
Neither of you is being entirely unreasonable here, but it seems to be an incompatibility problem.
Of course he wants you physically close. That’s the whole point of “being with someone”: it’s to be WITH them. He’s not wrong to insist on that, though I’d probably find fault with his reasoning about why it has to be in Georgia.
On the other hand, you’re being asked to reconfigure your goals and your life pretty much on speculation that you can’t live without him (which of course you can… you’ve done it before and you’re arguably doing it now).
When two mutually exclusive goals collide like this, there’s nothing for it but to put he relationship on the shelf. You can hang around trying to guilt one another into giving up what he / she really wants, but that’s a poor basis for a relationship.
Especially an unproven relationship: relationships are always a little tentative until you spend a lot of time together in the same space. That’s where the real irritations and delights are, and only there could you know whether it’s worth making huge changes for someone.
Don’t do it. You would give up literally everything for a man who is willing to give up NOTHING for you. Please stay in the college you’re currently going to. Most relationships don’t survive college anyway, to be honest with you.
This is unwise in SO many ways. He’s making threats and demands….let him walk. This guy is no good for you.
>I don’t know what to do.
You sound very bright, meaning I doubt the above is true. This would be an act of complete madness. It’s partly your age, and partly the way he issued this as an ultimatum.
Both of you made a big mistake here in getting yourselves into an LDR type situation for this long. You missed 3 years of valuable experience in learning how to date and navigate relationships. Now, at 19, you’re just starting the learning process for adult relationships.
There’s nothing wrong with meeting guys on Tinder or whatever, but stick to local ones!