Tl;dr: me & a girl (21M & 22F) I know through college have been on a few dates, after it started raining yesterday when we went out she came back to mine to watch a series. We watched the entire thing and other than cuddling/getting a bit closer nothing much happened. What to do next time?
Note: I am super inexperienced dating-wise/am super avoidant but am otherwise confident in myself and have been joked about by girls on my course that I’m the only good guy in our class. She has bad social anxiety which means it takes her longer to get used to people. With this in mind I find it super hard to read signals from her/find it hard to progress thing/be vulnerable.
So yeah me and this girl that I’ve slowly been getting to know through hanging out with class mates went for a coffee date two weeks ago which was great.
We sent messages acknowledging we liked each other and then I went on holiday with family for a week, and when I came back we agreed to go and hang out in the sun on the hills behind our area. On the day it started raining the second we walked up there, and since I’d agreed to go with her to grab something she needed from the shops in a few hours I said we could go and watch a series at mine we’d been talking about. I’d cleaned knowing stuff might happen anyway.
Anyways, we sat on my bed and watched the entire thing (4 hours). Considering she started off with one leg off my bed with me sat with space between us, by the end I had my head on her shoulder and we were sat back into the bed. We laughed and joked a a lot and flirted a bit, but otherwise nothing much happened.
I walked her back to hers and she said I wasn’t allowed to watch the next series without her so she’s coming again next week, but I have no clue how to escalate things. Like it felt like all the getting closer was initiated by me, like I literally had to tell her she could sit back into the bed since her posture was hurting from sitting up.
She definitely seems a lot more open/herself in conversation now but I don’t know what to do lmao. I almost asked her if we could hold hands, but wussed out. Same goes for when I walked her home, I was gonna ask if I could kiss her cheek to say bye but didn’t.
What can I do next time?
3 comments
I wouldn’t say “nothing much happened.” Sounds like you had a really nice first date. That’s far from nothing. Why rush to something more, unless that’s all you want from her?
Trying to hard, even if you don’t think so, the fact she’s not ripping your clothes means you are. Just hang back more, wait for her to touch you, ask her questions, Dont be afraid to bring up sexual topics to see how she reacts.
Maybe she doesn’t like you that much and you’re projecting your interest and anxiety on her. So chill, wait to hear from her and hang back a bit. You already know what you’re doing isn’t working, so try something els, not more of the same thing.
Never ask for permission for something you want, fuck that. That’s like “ oh your Highness may I please bother you for a kiss please 😚😚”. Man up bro. Look at her lips, does she look at yours? “You know it’s not the 1950’s, girls can kiss first too Dont be chicken” if she pulls back no worries, escalate it a bit later. But I can tell you’re Pursuing too much. Dont be afraid if you never hear from her again, that’s how you should feel. It’s chill.
Women only care how they feel about you. So think about it, you want her to feel sexually drawn to you, do you really think asking for a kiss is going to make her FEEL that way. No. Never. You need to relax and get out of your feelings and let her come to you, but express what you want, not by asking but by going for it. Grab her ass a bit next time you’re cuddling. Dont be a nice guy whose afraid to hurt her feelings, she’ll respect you if you go for what you want, even if she says no AT THE TIME. That’s fine then hang back.
Why is your head on her shoulder? Is she mommy who needs to cuddle such a good boy. No. You’ll never get any further with that shit, that’s long term relationship stuff. I wouldn’t be surprised if she cancels the next date honestly. It’s your job to build attraction and to hang out, have some fun, and get her comfortable enough to sleep with you. That’s it. Id cancel this show bs and go do something physical, like go eat then putt putt or whatever, then ask to go back to yours for a drink. Have some fun! Not sit next to each other hoping she’ll think “gosh, we’ve been sitting for hours, I want to have sex now”. No, that’s what you’re doing.
Hi there! I would say communication is key on this, especially because you note she’s got some anxiety issues with other people. If I were in her shoes, what I would probably appreciate is you having an open conversation about how you’re not going to push things physically, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not attracted to her. Tell her that you’re willing to follow her lead if that makes her most comfortable. I know it’s not the most romantic way to address the physical thing, but I think it would probably be helpful for her to see that you’re not on a timeline, know what I mean?