I (25M) don’t have many friends and my best friend (25M) does this to me everytime I ask him anything.
He intentionally gives a completely true answer which answers the question but does not provide the information that I’m looking for and often misleads me. He then gaslights me into believing it was my fault for misunderstanding the answer, and that I’m gullible for believing it.
For example, He buys a new pair of shoes and I ask him where he bought it from. He answers that he bought it from the mall downtown, but fails to mention in another city.
He knows that since there is a big mall downtown in our city, I or anyone would assume it is the one, and not the one in another city which he visited alone for 2 days 3 months ago.
To combat this, I have to ask him very specific questions to get a straight answer but he still tries to manipulate me by telling me I’m asking too many questions, or stuff is private, etc. But he IS the reason I ask too many questions. The worst thing is he enjoys it.
Since I don’t have many friends, if I don’t ask him questions (and tolerate his answers) or don’t tell him what’s going on in my life (since he doesn’t ask), I’m afraid I will lose this friendship. And be left with even less friends.
But honestly, friends talk about their life to each other. Don’t they? What am I supposed to do?
TL;DR: My best friend doesn’t give me a straight answer to any question (regardless of its importance) that I ask him. What should I do?
7 comments
As you said He enjoys this. I think that’s the key. If you can view this as the game it is and not let it upset you, things will become easier. The more you fight it, the more it will be an issue and the more fun he will have
Having no friends is better than having bad friends
If you stop being this guy’s friend, you may be lonely for a while, but you will be freer to make a new friend.
I think he likes making you look foolish and frustrated. This is a hard one if you want to keep him as a friend because this is shitty behavior to you and he is power tripping . Me personally I couldn’t take this but at a calm point I would ask them why they omit pertinent details and hide details which forces you to dig for details, whats the point, why so secretive?? and see how he reacts. If he reacts defensively he is just an asshole Im sorry to say, it suck to figure out ur friend is an asshole or he can take what you say and lay off. Tell him it is an annoying behavior and you would like him to stop, in a calm voice. Remember this is a reasonable request. Sounds like its hard work to have a convo with him. lol
Do the same when he asks you a question…dose of his own medicine.
Do you ask him lots of questions…does he think you are trying to copying him?
Try to get some better, more honest friends.
*Edited for gender correction
You can’t change him. You can only control yourself. What do you want? If you want a friend that doesn’t do that, you’ll have to find a new one yourself. If you can’t talk without him gaslighting you, that’s genuinely not a good sign and just not normal. This isn’t the kind of situation where explaining it the perfect way will help him understand. He understands exactly what he’s doing and enjoys it, because he’s a close friend, not a good one.
i would like to hear more examples, this sounds pretty funny