Is this a normal experience these days? My dating life
So I’ve been on most dating apps since august last year, haven’t had a single date in all this time despite having numerous matches.
Im 23 year old guy and I may not be the best talker but I can hold and create conversations. Im also an average looking guy who works out.
So dating apps have been my only way of meeting women.
Every girl I match with has little to no reciprocation in conversation, ghosts me or doesn’t bother replying.
The girls I have gotten far with have ghosted me on date night and never spoken to me again.
I can give a few specific examples of – was a girl that told me she wanted to meet up, when she was on break from uni, we arranged a few times to meet up and spoke frequently on FaceTime.
Every time it came to that week she said she needed to work due to money which is fine because she was student. Anyway I let that slip a few times but on New Year’s Eve week last year she promised me she’d meet up and it was she that suggested it. I was excited until I heard no response from her a few nights before the date, I just knew she had ghosted me, but it wasn’t until I checked her Instagram New Year’s Day she was sat on some lads lap doing a vid together with drinks only a day after we arranged a supposed date. I was hurt, like quite hurt. But I moved on.
Until a few moments ago, when I FaceTimed another girl who then proceeded to mock my haircut and laugh at my appearance before hanging up again it doesn’t hurt me attacking my appearance but just doesnt feel like dating is for me. It’s making me bitter and warped, I’d rather give it up at this point.
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Just a little about myself I’m 5’6 guy weigh 85kg workout like mad and have noticeable muscle mass I’m not a social butterfly but a steady eddy if that makes sense. That’s it really nothing special. I don’t mean to hate anyone but that girl I just FT with the first time was so unprovoked and rude. This is not the first time either not that I’m massively unattractive or anything. Just average. I’m from the UK but most southern girls have been incredibly mean to me.
That’s not to say I’ve been completely faultless I’ve made mistakes due to my inexperience, fluffed my lines so to speak with atleast two girls when they gave me hints to take them out but I quickly missed my opportunity but not reading the situation.
I’m just at the point of checking out of dating because it’s hard being alone in this world, I don’t really have any family or friends. I’ve been homeless and fought to be in a position to have a roof over my head.
Feel free to say I’m an absolute complete anomaly and this not the normality I’m as much interested in your experiences as you are reading mine!
If dating apps are making you feel bitter and discouraged, don’t use dating apps.
To answer the title: yes. Being a man and dating online is hard and a lot of men suffer like you in the dating space, despite their efforts. It really is unfair. I hope you find your gem! Good luck to you.
A lot of no’s before 1 yes. And not every yes is even worth it.
>Every girl I match with has little to no reciprocation in conversation, ghosts me or doesn’t bother replying.
Even if you match with a girl and by virtue of that know that she’s physically attracted to you, on average she’s going to have dozens of other people she matched with trying to talk to her at the same time. Just statistically, even if you were a well above average guy both in terms of charisma and looks, chances are you’d not be the top dog she could be talking to at that moment, so why reply to you and not those other guys?
Get off the apps, do social things, meet people. You’ll be happier and feel the need to post dating questions on Reddit less.
I skipped dating apps. I’ve always gone and done things then found the community trying to do the same and joined it. Then iterative relationships built across weeks/months in spaces of shared values build innate rapport. This gives me access to those women and all their friends. They see me show up, provide value, have a good time, and make sure others have a good time too over and over.
What community? That’s ez. Find something you think is cool. Go join the community and work at embodying your definition of cool.
I think I’ve been single a cumulative total of 1 year in the last 15 years. Got married in 2022 so hopefully that’s done.
People who have low investment and rapport with you will generally only give you low investment and rapport. Socialization via tech makes everyone disposable. Hence the loneliness crisis where people are surrounded by others but have no friends they can rely on.
Would you consider making some friends and meeting girls the old fashioned way?
Ur male friends and female friends surely have single females who they would love to introduce to you.
Women are like seatbelts, the harder you try to pull them, the more they resist.
Stop caring, relax, and let them come to you.
They usually match you up “in your area” sounds like you’re living in a bad area.
Pretty much par for the course as far as I am concerned.
Yeah don’t use apps, it’s because you skip the whole “being friends flirting” part which is essential.
Are you just trying to make a connection with women you find attractive? If so that’s your problem. Try reading their profile. If they have a non existent, brief, or superficial profile then they aren’t serious. So you can screen them out. If they put some thought into writing their profile then they are serious about the process of meeting someone and if you like what they wrote you can proceed. You should put some thought into describing the person you are and the person you are looking for in your profile too. And don’t be superficial and just write about the activities you like. It’s low effort and doesn’t say anything about who you are as a person. If you put time into your profile it shows you are serious and it will attract other women who are serious about finding someone.
I’m above average looking and my experience was that I’d get a lot of matches and in turn a lot of people ghosting me. Dating apps are just all around stupid. Talk to people in real life, go to social events and stuff like that. Not for the explicit purpose of meeting someone, and it’ll bound to happen on its own if you know how to socialize.
Sounds about right, yup.
When I was your age, a motorcycle was a good way to engage with young women. An offer to take a ride on the motorcycle was never turned down. Sometimes it didn’t amount to anything more than a ride. One time it led to marriage. And here I am twenty something years later writing about it, and still married.
Doesn’t have to be a motorcycle, but find something fun that you enjoy and offer ladies you know to join you. The worst that can happen is rejection, which you should learn to be OK with anyway.
Best of luck!
You should never do dating apps they are strictly for hook ups & since you are young you can’t really compete with that market anyways. You have to understand you are competing against 35+ yo men that have money to fly them out on vacations & have a experience more than a wholesome coffee date.
One of my close friends is a girl, she is recently single so she downloaded one of the apps & i can tell you she gets more attention in 30mins than you have gotten in your whole life. Women in your age group get unlimited options from every type of guy you can think of. This is why you got your feelings hurt, you could be a decent looking guy but it really doesn’t matter at all when that 5/10 girl is getting attention from a 10/10 guy that is in town for the weekend. It’s just the modern dating market & it’s why alot of my younger guy friends are single they can’t compete when older more established guys are around for women to choose from at a click of a button, also they did that study on CNN about how over 60% of men under 30 are single while around only 20% of women in the same age range are single so it just all adds up to me.
You are doing nothing wrong at all so don’t be down on yourself & let it make you bitter like you said. You should focus on yourself, build wealth get hobbies & women will come to you when you get established in life. I personally met 5 girls from just playing video games online over the years, i ended up meeting my GF this way. It sort of just happened i never really went out of my way to find a date this way but it was nice when it happened. I’ve also met girls at my local gyms & doing recreational sports like surfing, swimming, pickleball, golf. I would never use a dating app when i can bond with someone over something i genuinely like doing. Good women are out there although i have only met a few…. Don’t view your experiences as a bad thing, getting jaded from these low quality women will do you no good in life in the long run. That same chick will end up hurting that guy you saw her with on New Years day since she values men so low, IMO you prolly just dodge a bullet & should look at it that way.
Yes, i am in your age group. Most guys are single and have no experience. Few have a relationships, and have like 1 or 2 experience. Then a small group who fuck like rabbits, tho they often have issues.
Dating apps are dead. Most people ik that are in relationships meet irl. Tho that’s hard to do now after uni.
Dating is the biggest dumpsterfire it ever was, and there is no signal of improving. Remove any social media/OLD and try to actually find a group of people of shared interest.
Dating apps are for low effort people expecting unrealistic results. Put yourself out there more. Pick something women like to do, take a dancing class, a cooking class, join a rock climbing gym. Anywhere women go. Then just go to enjoy it and don’t force anything, let serendipity happen.
Yes, dating is like this… Dating apps might as well be population control.
Gives women so many choices. Why date a 5’6 guy when there’s a 5’8 over here. Ohh look a 6’2 guy. wow a 100 6’4 guys but, this dozen make 100k a year. Why settle on one guy when there are dozens of better or slightly better options? She doesn’t even need to leave her hour.
Breaks down the confidence of men, Wow she looks good, oh she’s not into me. Her over there seems compatible, oh she says otherwise, yeah don’t take it personal etc, but you could get rejected 25 times in a day through your phone without leaving your house.
People are made into commodity in the workforce and even in the dating world.
Yes. The mean time between dates for the median average man on Tinder is several years.
Meet real women. Chat them up at work, make small talk while waiting in line, get some hobbies where you can actually meet people, join a club.
*”So I’ve been on most dating apps since august last year”*
That’s the problem right there. Dating apps.
*”So dating apps have been my only way of meeting women.”*
Go outside.
Join a group activity.
Join a co-ed group activity/event.
Volunteer for various organizations
Don’t ONLY rely on online dating. 70-80% of any given dating app is men. So most of the time the odds aren’t in your favor.
*”So I’ve been on most dating apps since august last year, haven’t had a single date in all this time despite having numerous matches.”*
My guess is those matches are bots and scammers. The point of the dating apps is to keep its users (majority are men) single.
Stop the apps.
Online dating is a numbers game.
Send 10 messages, get one reply. Chat with 10, get one date. Go on 10 first dates, get one relationship. Out of 10 relationships one may last.
The actual numbers at each step may differ based on your looks, your verbal skills, your location, your criteria for partners. So for some it may be 4 instead of 10, for some it may require 20.
The important thing is the ability to keep trying.
It’s very likely a you thing. It would help to see the conversations and see how well they are actually flowing.
FYI, back when I was dating I asked a few of my female friends this question. Their answer was that they (and most girls) only had the apps for validation. They swipe right on everyone to see who swipes on them and it gives them an ego boost. I spent two years on dating apps and only ended up with 3 encounters. One happens to be my fiancé. Accept that fact that most of the women on there have no desire to talk to you and only want validation.
Get. Off. The. Fucking. Internet. You. Dork.
I tried speed dating recently, really recommend it. Best dating experience of my life, get to meet loads of people.
Check out meetup . com for speed dating events near you
i guess… never met one of those matches i had, and those werent many. rarely some wrote back and those conversations were boring anyway. i dont even want to deal with tinder and such anymore because you have to sell yourself and have decent pictures. guy i know has a sister who photographs as a hobby. his picture are all top notch and he has like 150-200 matches and only chats with these girls for fun but never meets them. it pretty much sums up dating on apps. it’s the pictures that sell you. after that it’s a numbers game. Instead of fixating on one girl to meet her, you should have tried to meet 5 different in that same week.
I myself am 23 dating apps ain’t worth the time. Get out there a little. Don’t force anything let it come naturally in time opportunities will come up. Keep ya head up mate in time you find someone worth fighting for trust me🤘
Dating apps for young women is a buy your own experience game.
What can you offer? Because it’s a game, do you have a car? Job? Disposable income for an interesting date where you pay for everything?
This is the bare minimum to play the game as you’re competing with late 20s +, who have all that and more.
Being in shape and attractive is good, but that’s a more meeting people in person thing. A person who meets the minimum requirements will still beat you, though.
It’s pretty cringe, but honestly, the best place to meet women is in a part-time job with a high turnaround. Say bar work, warehouses, etc. It’s like the only way to be friends, hit the flirting state, and ask people out relatively comftably.