Need some advice on how to start social life
I am a short introverted male (20+), I spend most of my youth playing video games and being chronically apathetic so I missed up on official education.i wouldn’t say im stupid or ignorant, but I would just function poorly in structured environment of school, andi was too apathetic and unfocused to strive for more, so I missed out on opportunities to socialize and get marketable skills. Well, the question on how to get skills doesn’t interest me since the answer is obvious, but im lost in socializing aspect of things. Nothing in it makes sense to me, its like a weird game people play without telling me the rules, and im simply an observer.
1. Where can I meet people to talk to? I work alone so I don’t have any colleagues or informal setting where I can chat. Theres no any interest circles around me. And I dislike being in loud and crowded places because I get overwhelmed abd tjres really quickly, abd I hate being drunk, so clubs and bars are a big no for me, so are big gatherings. I would prefer a quiet environment where it wouldn’t be invasive to talk.
2. I feel lost in most aspects that aren’t related to exchanging information. Verbal, non verbal cues, body language, tone, etc. I don’t pay attention to any of it but apparently it matters a lot and most people do. I wouldn’t care less whether someone looks me in the eyes or not or makes weird gestures, but I apparently act weird? I didn’t know that eye contact was important until I reached my teenage years, before that I assumed it was ok to look wherever yiu want. I still don’t like being forced to make an eye contact since it feels invasive, but since its important I would like to learn more about it.
3. Appearance – does it matter or not? A lot of people say it doesn’t yet they give advice to look pleasing. Well I look pleasing to myself whether I look in the mirror, but other people make notice of my hair or clothes being bad, unkempt, or et cetera. I shower fully everyday and I look fine to myself so how do I determine what will look proper or good or not? I don’t understand style and clothing at all. How do I find something that suits my frame? Keep in mind that im very short , but relatively wide framed
4. Interests – I don’t really follow whats popular and im content with doing my own things. The things im interested in are maths, physics, statistics , chemistry, philosophy, history, economics, military theory, weapons , videogames, programming , language, creative writing. Im not good in most of these things but im looking forward to learning more.i can keep conversayion in most topics, and I try to be helpful, supportive and eager to explain or share things. A lot of people my age, especially guys are into similar things, but I want to find people in real life to be friends. Where I can find people who might be interested in talking about such things?. Most things people usually talk about feels to me like a chore, and I want to get to the point quickly talking about things im interested in.
5.emotions – does it matter or not? People say the most important thing is to spark emotions or feeling, but im very bad at that. Im very dry most of the time, and strong emotions around me make me uncomfortable. My style is very dry, with a lot of dry humor, but I give people warmth when they are in trouble, and I accept everyone in how they are without any prerequisites or hidden intent, so im not cold. I feel like I just don’t create these strong sparks, even if people laugh at my jokes or say that im nice/funny.
I tried finding people online but convos with people from my city or my country die out quickly because person at one point doesn’t reply me, so I stop bothering them. Any advice to people like me on how to… get better at everything? I am fine with being alone but sometimes I want human warmth and support because I found out it makes me feel good, plus I like supporting other people and see them growth.
1 comment
Where to find people to talk to:
Church- (religious or not it’s a good practice and good people in young adults groups.)
The Gym – working out with other guys is a great way to form new relationships built on strong connection (and usually these guys have girlfriends with single friends if youre looking for girls too) Regardless of how fit you are, 99 % of the guys there are going to welcome you into the world of fitness and help you along the way… They are actually NOT pompous jerks that bully the nerds like in the movies
Work- Usually if you find the right job environment there can be some healthy relationships that aren’t as strong and good to practice getting comfortable around people you don’t know, all while making money.
Maybe try to get a job at a library?? It looks like you have interests in a ton of different topics that people go to libraries for books and maybe even help on… That may be a good place to find people with similar interests as you?
Numbers 2 and 3 do not matter as much in my experience and will answer themselves as a result of the stuff I said above. If you’re at the gym, wear fitness clothes. If you are at the library, dress comfy? Just don’t worry about it, it’s like you said, if you feel good about it, then it’s the right thing to wear.