I’m (34m) married. I love my wife (38f) very much. She is an amazing, wonderful person and a great mother. We are compatible in almost every way except sex. We never were. After years of trying and failing, strarting from the beginning etc, we decided to open up our relationship. Now we can do whatever we want, but the goal is to have sex friends. I have to find someone for me and she someone for her. And I don’t exactly know how to manage my part. How and where to find a woman, who is:
– a kinky switch (like me), who is highly sexual, want to explore the world of bdsm, want to try to fulfill her dreams and fantasies in safe, sane and consensual way;
– is interested in just being friends with benefits;
– can accept, that I have a family and can’t give her 100% of my time;
– is more or less my age, find me attractive and I find her attractive.
I think the best option, would be if she was in a similiar situation like me. Open relationship due to sexual differences. That would seem fair, because I can’t picture a single woman, who would want to engage in a relationship with married man.
Having all this in mind I feel that the odds are against me. Good thing that I’m living in a city, but still how many woman who checks all the marks are there?
I thought maybe put some kind of announcement on the internet? What do you think? Was anybody in similiar situation before?
8 comments
Honestly, if you have specific kinks to explore, that’s exactly what a dominatrix is for. You pay, but you’ll get just what you are looking for. And yes, you could have essentially a long term relationship with one. It just gets expensive. My roommate is that, and she has several regulars.
Fetlife might be a good place to start! Some folks use it for personals but at the very least you can connect with a kinky community where you live and maybe meet someone at an event etc. The site is a space where people are pretty upfront about their kinks and desires.
You are asking for something very close to a unicorn.
It is very rare, especially for them to be totally fine with your relationship being absoutly nothing other then sex.
I’m not here to say it’s very rare to find a FWB that you connect with. That’s certainly possible and pretty easy. It’s the other things – “be fine I have other things and can’t be 100% there”. It sounds like you are looking to get into a relationship where there is already an obvious power imbalance.
Read some good ENM books. Have talks with your wife about expectations. What can you actually give to this person? “Be attracted to be and want to have great sex we both enjoy. But nothing else” is what it’s sounding like, and that’s going to be legit hard to find. Not impossible but certainly hard if that’s all your offering.
Being in an ENM relationship takes work.
With all that said, the usual places: friends, tinder, Feeld is good, fetlife ( to find events and go to munches and such) ect.
Good luck with that. It’s going to be way easier for your wife. Hope you don’t get jealous
r/nonmonogamy
Good luck bud. Your wife shouldn’t have an issue but as a man you better keep your fingers crossed.
Yeah you basically agreed for her to get dicked down whenever she wants. If you’re jealous at all this won’t last.
>Having all this in mind I feel that the odds are against me.
You are correct.
> Good thing that I’m living in a city, but still how many woman who checks all the marks are there?
Your issue here is not that there are few women like this – there are probably quite a few. The issue is that for any type of sex outside of a committed relationship there are probably 3-4 men for every woman. This gets even steeper for submissive men. So, you have to realize going in to it that every woman has many options. Why should she choose you? I’m not trying to be discouraging, only to let you know you’ll need to bring something to the table. Are you very good looking? Charming? Very good in bed? Experienced? Fun to be with? Interesting? What is it about you that makes you a better catch than all the other dudes out there? Be prepared for this to take a while, and be prepared for your wife to be drowning in attention. Don’t take it personally, it’s not about you, this is just the reality for heterosexual men in an ENM space. It’s a seller’s market.