Hi! I’ve been trying to work on engaging in less talk about other people, or complaining in general but am finding it hard to do so without offending the person I’m talking to. Maybe I’m thinking too much about their feelings when they’re the ones speaking negatively but I figured I’d ask for input. I’m thinking of conversations where people are just negativity dumping or specifically speaking poorly of a mutual friend/acquaintance.
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I usually defend the person or tell them what I like about that person.
Literally just change the subject. Be a bulldozer
For now you might have to just actually walk away (find an errand) – until those peep figure out you’re a dry well as far as gossip engagement goes. And when they that happens, you’ll probably find you don’t have to deal with it much, as it’s just no fun if other person isn’t receptive. Part of the ‘misery loves company’ thing..
Kudos to you for wanting this.. đź‘Ťđź‘Ť
You have been given several good answers, and I just want to add that some people will perceive you as rude of you to not take their bait, but that’s on them. Kudos to you for wanting to make this change!
Depends on the manner of the gossip. Can you give an example? Not real gossip mins you just some phrasing style. Use clearly fake characters from a show or game if it makes it easier for Reddit.
I just saw a tiktok abojt this and the lady was saying to say “well, to be fair…” bc it won’t come off as you trying to start an argument, but no one likes the implication that they’re mean, so usually it gives a safe but acknowledged way of letting them back out of the shit they’re talking and move on.
There nothing you can do. All you can do is prove them all wrong; be silent and joyful while doing it ; never talk back or bad about anyone either.
I used to have a rule (which I need to reinstate) that was: If you can’t say anything nice, say nothing at all.
You can control what anyone else says, but you can be a good listener or exit the conversation when negativity comes up.
Sometimes I will make myself an example by making it clear how participating makes me guilty of something I don’t believe in and will say that it’s none of my business so I don’t feel comfortable talking about it. That usually will make the person instigating plus anyone else in the conversation look at their own behavior too and tends to shut down the gossip… it also keeps them from becoming upset thinking that you are accusing them of doing something wrong because you only spoke of yourself and what you believe is okay behavior for yourself. Although it is somewhat implied that you would expect others to have a certain level of integrity as well. Other times depending on the severity of the claims (because I would never want to condone something that may actually be bad or hurtful to others) I may add something like, “I don’t agree with that, but I don’t know if that’s true so it’s none of my business and I don’t feel comfortable talking about it.” After that I would usually aid in changing the conversation to something more interesting or just walking away.
So I’ve been the gossiper and my friend would just nod along during the parts she didn’t want to engage in. She wouldn’t ask questions that would lead to more gossip she wouldn’t give an opinion on the matter just a neutral nod till I got past it. I learned reap quick and am glad to have a friend like her, who doesn’t indulge my weaknesses
“he’s been good to me. if you have a problem with him, you go ahead tell him that.”
I had this issue just recently.
The best way is to either 1. give no response at all, 2. give an obvious big shrug (literally look like 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷‍♂️) followed by silence, or 3. Ignore and change the subject completely.
From my experience, some gossipy people will get the cue and stop or keep continue on.
“shh.”
For me, I noticed it can get toxic, when someone say something bad about a person I usually try to say something good about that person and usually the person will realize you kinda like the other person and change subject!