How did your parents’ relationship affect your one-on-one relationships with them?

10 comments

1. My dad often treated my mom badly and it reflected poorly on him in my eyes.

2. My parents separated when I was 16, divorced when I was 24/25. By the time they divorced I had my first child. Every family occasion was ruined by their behaviour. It was so embarrassing. Then 6 years ago, my father gave me an old phone to use while I was saving to get a new one. He rang me in a panic and asked me to delete some messages. There were 100s between himself and my mother. It turns out they had been pretending to fight for most of the time that my son was born. All the stress and hassle at every occasion from birthdays to Christmas had all been put on. I’ve no idea why because I cut all contact after that. They said really horrible things about me and my kids father and I was absolutely devasted. I took note of the messages then deleted them so he has no idea what I saw. I didn’t tell my step mother that they had been having an affair, I also didn’t tell my step father. I just walked away. I’m so glad I was adopted, because it means I’m not genetically linked to these morons.

3. Before the divorce, my dad worked and my mom took care of us.

   My mom never wanted to get divorced, but my dad did, so they got divorced so my dad could have a serious of younger girlfriends, and now my mom had to get a job and many of the things she did for us (like pick us up from school) suddenly were no longer possible. I hated my dad a few years for that.

   He moved into an apartment and we had to visit him on weekends. That made me realize how clueless he was when it came to taking care of basic household chores, much less taking care of his own children.

   I don’t hate him anymore. But I’ve always preferred my mom.

4. My parents’ relationship has had a huge effect on how I view one-on-one relationships in general. Growing up, I saw them demonstrate what a healthy and loving relationship looked like, from the way they communicated with each other to the way they showed affection. This has shaped the way I interact with the people closest to me. I strive to foster relationships that are open, honest, and kind. I’m also aware of the importance of self-care and taking time for myself.

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6. My mom had an affair behind my dad’s back. She involved me (as a child) and I always felt like I betrayed my dad – and have always carried guilt because of it. She always said my dad he cheated on her over the years and was abusive, but I was younger and never saw any actual proof with my own eyes. I figure it was probably true though. It was rough for a while (in a lot of ways), but both parents are remarried now (my mom did not marry the guy she had the affair with) and everyone is doing good. They both can also be around each other (with their new spouses) for family things and it not be a problem at all. I always judged my mom because of what she did, but as an adult now, I have a little bit more understanding of how/why that could happen, so I dont judge her as harshly as I once did. However, I still dont condone it.

   My mom and I have a good relationship and all of that is WAY behind us now. Even though I am good with my dad as well, things have never been the same. He doesn’t hold anything against me, but I just hold it against myself I guess.

7. My dad quite obviously loved my mom a lot… My mom worked full time (high stress/govt job) while doing her PhD.. My dad’s job at the time also required quite a lot of travelling.. So while my dad did more of the “parenting” most of the time, there were still chunks of times my mom would.

   Of course my parents would argue every now and then.. but they always kept us out of it. And generally from my perspective.. my dad was incredibly patient with my mom.

   As a kid, I was very much a daddy’s girl. He was there more and of all my siblings, I’m really the only ones who is similar to him in terms of personality.. and I was given quite a lot of overt favouritism.

   Because of that, my mom put more effort into my brothers… as I was young, I didn’t yet understand. I just saw it as my mom caring for my brothers more until she explained to me. I think I had a bit more disagreements with my mom (as she was just more strict), and my dad would always come tell me my mom’s difficulties and to be patient with her.. that he’d always be secretly on my side lol, and asked me to forgive my mom for him.

   And In the off cases I got angry at my dad, she always would be the one to patch things up. Always told me she married him because she knew he’d be a good father. Would tell me he had flaws, but that loving me and being a dad wasn’t one of them, and she was certain of that.

8. My parents divorced when I was 18 (I’m 21 now) and I ended up choosing sides without realizing it I grew apart from my mother and my dad became my best friend. I think my mother still resents me for it but I wouldn’t know because she can barely think for herself anymore because of some medical issues.

9. My parents have been teenagers in love for 30+ years. The only thing better than that is their kids. They’re always there when asked for advice and know when to stay out of it. Mum has a family Facebook page we all post to. And they never remember the time difference when they call. (- 5 hours)

10. My dad left before I was born, I never met him and he passed away years ago so I never will meet him. But it’s okay because my mom and I have always been very close, I talk to her about pretty much everything. She was (and still is) an amazing mother, and the strongest woman I know. I have unending respect for that woman