To the wives that never initiate sex why don’t you?

20 comments

  3. I didn’t because my husband (now ex) didn’t think about what was arousing to me, or what I would enjoy or like. His idea of foreplay was a tap on the arm and a baby-faced eyebrow raise – which just didn’t turn me on.
    He didn’t wear cologne even though I love the smell of cologne.
    He knew I hated his beard and didn’t care if I was attracted to kissing it (I wasn’t)
    His idea of kink was getting ME to dress in a costume – for HIM! But he never dressed up or played sexy man for me.

    Basically I was conditioned by the world to make myself agreeable, ready, shaved, smelling good, and oriented to please. This led to him getting a lot of good sex and me getting a lot of mediocre low-bar sex.

    Eventually lkke most guilty wives I told myself I would always say “yes” just to give him the satisfaction sexually he wanted. But there was no intent on his part to try anything that might be amazing for me. Or even explore that as an option.

    I didn’t initiate because I wasn’t aroused or attracted to someone who didn’t want to work to arouse or attract me.

  4. I didn’t really get the chance to in my last relationship because I was mostly pushed to do it anyway. So when I didn’t have to have sex, I enjoyed it.

  5. In a previous relationship, I never initiated sex because it simply was not enjoyable. He made absolutely no effort to make me feel good. His “foreplay” consisted of a halfhearted boob grab. He refused to go down on me because it “didn’t do anything for him” and the one time he fingered me he deliberately went way too rough until I bled because he didn’t want me to ask again.

    When I would bring it up to him that I wasn’t satisfied, he would just say that there was something wrong with me if I didn’t enjoy it. I would tell him what I needed and he always refused to do it. Why would I initiate when I got absolutely nothing out of it? I didn’t even feel good making him feel good because of how little he cared for me.

    In my current relationship, we both initiate 50/50.

  6. In a previous relationship I initiated sex frequently until my now ex commented “You ALWAYS want to do it”. Then I left it UP to him, always.

  7. I do now but when I didn’t it was because we basically had no connection. We didn’t talk or interact beyond what’s for lunch/dinner or bills and kids. I never felt sexual because that was the only attention I ever got from him. When we did have sex it was completely one sided I just wanted to get it over with because there was no actual enjoyment for me I just did it for him.

  9. I love my husband but long story short, he has let himself go – weight wise. I think another thing that turns me off (aside from the actual weight itself) is that he knows how I feel about it, and still makes no (real) effort to try to fix it. So, that is why I rarely initiate sex anymore.

  11. It honestly never crosses my mind. I don’t just *get* aroused spontaneously like that.

  14. Got tired of being constantly rejected and told all the reasons A-Z why it wasn’t a good time. Especially when I foolishly took those reasons seriously and attempted to account for them by initiating differently and at different times. Eventually I realized he just wasn’t interested. Would have been nice if he just said that.

  15. Because I have a much higher libido and a much lower tolerance for rejection. Being rejected is like a knife in the heart to me and makes me question myself and feel incredibly insecure. I have never once rejected him and never would do when he is in the mood he initiates.

  18. I no longer have the connection/spark with my partner. When I do initiate, it’s more to satisfy him as I’m always left feeling unsatisfied. He also does a lot of sexual innuendo comments that annoy the hell out of me. It was cute in the beginning of our relationship, but after 12 years together I’m so over it. I’m so over him.

  19. Because he made me feel wholly unwanted as a person and just wanted as a body.

  20. It’s really hard to initiate sex when you know that even though you’ll do things your partner likes, they won’t reciprocate the same effort. I’ve tried telling my partner what I enjoy/want more of MULTIPLE times. But they don’t do it. Sex and pleasure ends up feeling very one-sided. Why would I want to initiate that?

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