Social interaction is a whole new thing for me.
Cutting through the many different traumas of my childhood. When I started middle school I had a hard time adjusting to others and their personal lives. It was as if my whole world went from always being cared about/for to nothing but this annoying kid that always wanted attention and got bullied.
When high school started I developed a deep cynicism toward life. Respect is earned not given, everyone is a stranger unless they’re a trusted friend, African Americans(yk the type I’m talking about)
Edit: coming back to reread this makes me seem very racist. But my point here is that I have weird tolerances for social interaction and when you see it from my point of view, loud and obnoxious people are the thing I hate, and being a black person I genuinely feel disgusted when it comes to seeing African Americans in a stereotypical environment.
are loud and annoying, these people like this, these guys like that. All that. My basics kind of lead me to make a fake self for everyone I meet. Changing stories to fit better when spoken to a different group, and now I feel as though I lost myself. For some reason, I just have a hard time controlling and understanding how to interact with others in a way that doesn’t involve me using them for something I want and that concerns me.
P.s.
M(17)
I’m a pure Kenyan immigrant
Came to America at 5
My use of “pure” sounds off but my entire family tree is 100% native
2 comments
As someone on the spectrum you definitely sound like the type. I’m really sorry you had to do all that in middle school. That’s around the time people tend to notice we’re different. If you think it would help have you talked to your parents about visiting a psychologist to get you diagnosed? I’m not sure how much that is as I was diagnosed young so money may understandably be an issue. Also you could try talking to your guidance counter about this. That would be free and they can help with stuff like this especially related to school.
I recommend watching some Tony Attwood videos on YouTube. Hes studied autism in kids and adults for 2 decades and has amazing insight.
Once I got diagnosed it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulder. From there I was able to learn a lot more effective coping mechanisms and now have a fairly strong social circle.