Should partners live together before getting married? Why or why not?

28 comments

  1. If they want to, can afford to, and find value in it, then yes.

    If they don’t want to, can’t afford to, or don’t find value in it, then no.

    There’s no right or wrong answer to that question. Only the people in the relationship know what’s right for them.

  3. Practically, yes. The hype and romance and buildup of a pristine wedding should be tested out to see if the relationship is longing/romance or ignorance. You can love someone without being able to live with them. If someone wants it freezing cold and dry and someone wants it humid and hot, different sleep schedules, different hygiene standards…

    There are a lot of reasons why people might have difficulty living together that could be figured out in about a month.

  4. Depends on the people involved. Personally, I would NEVER marry someone without living with them first.

  5. I don’t think it’s a requirement, but it definitely helped my husband and I. We were able to really learn each others living styles, ideal sleeping schedules, chore splitting etc. Again, definitely not a requirement for a successful marriage in my opinion, but I think it was nice to work out those road bumps first before tying the knot.

  6. If you plan on eventually moving in together, it probably doesn’t hurt. But there are married couples that chooses to not live together, so I don’t see why sharing a home before needs to be a criteria.

  7. If it’s financially feasible and the couple in question wants to do so, go for it.

    I personally think it’s a great way for people to have a trial run to see what a life together would be like but I also understand that not everyone feels comfortable doing that unless there’s marriage involved.

    Whatever floats their boat.

  8. Personally, I would not marry someone without living with them for a couple years. I don’t see myself getting married though, I want the relationship I just can’t escape the roots of giving away a woman and it being religious. So to me, a healthy happy committed relationship is one where we live together and make our lives together.

    But I am not everyone, as long as both parties agree and no one is hurt, they can do what they will.

  9. I have in the past and it ended really really bad. I did things differently with my now husband and we moved in together like 4 months before we got married while we were engaged. No regrets. My best friend just had a very bad break up a few months ago after living with her bf and she regrets it. Now she is considering getting a cheaper apartment with us since we are looking for a better complex and a lower monthly rent since our rent keeps going up $100 each year. I guess if it works for you great but it was a disaster for me and my friend.

  10. Yes. you have no idea just how much you will be expected to do around the house for them until you live together. Best to set the expectations early.

  13. NEVER marry someone you haven’t lived with.

    My sister met her boyfriend when she was 21, she was in a relationship with him for 6 years while living separately from him and then she moved in with him.

    Within 3 months she discovered that he had a serious cocaine addiction that was ruining his health, and he had built up debt due to a gambling addiction she also never knew he had. The relationship collapsed and my sister ran as fast as she could. She would never have known ANY of this had she not lived with him first.

  14. Yes. especially for women in hetero relationships. pleaseeeee try to live with your partner to make sure they don’t switch up and put the housecare duties on you / leave managing the home to you.

  15. Let me be direct:

    MUST LIVE TOGETHER….

    If you don’t practice for that and have a certain expectation for some radical change after the day of the wedding, I would recommend reviewing your priorities and maybe get a little therapy. And I don’t say this to be mean or cruel. I say it for actionable information.

    Listen, you need to see what the day to day is like living with someone. Just like political people really need to understand the day to day of agencies and branches that make up the government before commenting on it. Join reality. Life is difficult, and the point of a relationship is to see if you can help each other trudge along and have some fun too. Maybe even a family.

    But if you can’t stand the way someone eats their cereal in the morning, or how they take off their shoes at the end of the workday, or how they brush their teeth or any other tiny minutia that add up to complex irritations later.

    Please do yourselves a favor and make an intelligent move on the path to marriage foreverness: Live the life and try it on for size. And then make a specific decision against THAT.

    You will thank yourself!

  16. I didn’t live with my husband before we got married due to his parents religious opinions and I’m 100% positive we would have broken up within the first year of living together if we weren’t married 😂 he is so much better to live with now after 4 years, but I definitely encourage people to live together first. I think it’s important to know how they act behind closed doors.

  17. Unless you’re one of the >3% of couples that get married without living together, it’s a requirement. Love is such a small part of what makes a marriage work.

  20. A person’s true self comes out when you live with them, seeing how they manage the day today activities and how they manage a household or a big 10 four if you want to marry them someday. I cannot suggest enough to always make sure you live with someone first.

  21. If they want to. It won’t hurt the relation, because if it does, and breaks the couple up, then, was it really meant to be?

  23. Imo yes, it’s in everyone’s best interest to live together before committing to a life together.

    I personally can’t imagine committing to someone without having lived with them first. Idk how previous generations did it.

  24. Absolutely! I would’ve never gotten married to my husband had I lived with him first. You find out just how a person is by living with them.

  25. I grew up in a traditional household so originally, my mindset was no.

    But then life happens and things got complicated. All I can say is HOLY SHIT. You learn a lot about who a person really is and if you work or clash with their living styles.

    So my answer now is yes. But live in an apartment, don’t get serious and buy a house together or anything. Have you heard of the saying “I can’t live with my best friend” or “Choosing your friends as your roommates in college will destroy your friendship”? Kinda like that.

    You may love your partner or friends now, but can you guarantee that you wont argue over who does the dishes this time or why someone is late on the light bill and nobody got electricity today? I say go for it. Find out if you can tolerate that person.

  26. 100% yes, knowing someone else’s routine is so important for compatibility

  28. I agree that it makes intuitive sense to live with someone before you marry them, but here are 2 points against it:

    Cohabiting couples in my city often can’t afford to break up. Rent is expensive in Toronto, and if you get locked into a good rent controlled tenancy which you pay with a partner for several years, you might not necessarily be able to afford living on your own after. Average rent for a 1 bedroom is $2,200 here. Split 2 ways that’s affordable. But there’s basically no such thing as a $1,100 bachelor apartment anymore. You put yourself in the position where you have a financial disincentive to break up, and I don’t want to be with someone because either of us find it financially convenient. I’m not looking for a roommate, I’m looking for love and romance and good sex.

    Meanwhile, I know several couples who are just in really sad relationships where they keep trying to break up, but realize they’d have to move in with their parents or move cities. It becomes this really toxic situation where you’re afraid to leave your partner because you’d downsize your life, and these couples tolerate more bullshit because they kind of have to.

    I actually can’t see myself living with a partner before marriage unless I made a big enough salary where I didn’t have to care too much about the cost of rent if I had to leave. Probably like $150k +. I wouldn’t want to put myself in the position where I can’t afford to break up with someone, so until then, I will follow my heart and loins and give them free reign in choosing, while my purse strings adore my tiny rent controlled living space. The opportunity cost of moving in with a partner is giving up a rent controlled living space, and financially I’m in no position to pay market rent if things went south.

    The other factor is that stats consistently show that living together before marriage correlates with divorce. I wouldn’t make a life choice just based on a stat, but I like that it supports my opinion a bit.

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