Men who’ve been cheated on how did you ever learn to trust again?

43 comments

1. Therapy.

2. You don’t learn to trust again, it just takes longer to trust a girl fully again. You’re also more attentive to details afterward.

3. I don’t think I would ever fully trust the person again…there would always be something in the back of my head. Maybe with a lot of therapy or something but it would be incredibly hard…

4. I honestly don’t think I will ever trust again. It’s sad, I know, but I know myself, and I know it’s probably a 90 percent chance or more that I will never trust another woman ever again.

5. 9 years later, haven’t.

6. I’ve only been cheated on once so it might be different if there was a pattern. But it wasn’t really a struggle. My girl was one of my best friends before we started dating so the trust was already there.

7. I’ll trust again, just not as quickly or easily as before. Just always going to have that sneaky suspicion in the back of your mind.

8. Learning to not generalize based on the actions of one person. It took some time but I’m in a much happier place now.

9. i’ve been cheated on several times now….. nearly every “relationship” that lasted over a month, she fucked someone else.

   1st when i was 16, next after 7 years, next after a year, next after 6 years.

   never. don’t think i will ever trust another again.

10. You don’t ever fully trust again I don’t think, but therapy helps.

11. Worked through it with therapy and switched up who I dated to avoid the problem again. Didn’t work, gave up after a couple of failed engagements due to her cheating.

    Got dogs, bought a ranch with bros in rural Texas. Maybe I’ll try again in my 40’s.

12. That’s the neat part, you don’t!

13. Still learning. At this point I’m not sure if I would be able to trust a woman anytime soon.

14. Your brain is trying to protect you by learning from experience, you shouldn’t “learn to trust” again. It’s like asking: “women who’ve been scammed, how did you learn to trust Nigerian princes again?”

    What you should learn is to start *every* connection with an open mind, mutual respect, and clear communication/expectation and at least reciprocate if not pay it forward. When one party does you wrong and isn’t willing to work on things, just move on without carrying the baggage with you.

15. I don’t fully trust in the same way I did before and likely never will. I won’t allow myself to be that vulnerable in a relationship again.

    On the positive side, I’m very conscious of boundaries, both mine and my partners. If someone isn’t into the relationship I don’t try to convince anyone of anything. I say what works for me and respect my partner’s requests. If they want to negotiate, I’m still willing. I won’t allow anyone to violate my boundaries.

16. You don’t ‘learn’ to trust again. Trust is a gift to someone who earns it.

    One thing I came away with – Trust your senses. If you think something fishy is going on, it most likely is.

17. She didn’t physically cheat, but emotionally she did, and was about to cheat within days. I obviously broke it off on the spot, and I kept moving forward.

    The next girl I met later ended up becoming my wife (we broke up after 2 years, didn’t talk for 5, and the got back together). So when I met this new girl I didn’t want my past to affect her. It wasn’t her fault I went through what I did, and holding it against her wouldn’t be fair. Ron Swanson said you find someone you like and you roll the dice, that’s all you can do.

    Also when it comes to cheating or any bad breakup, you have to move on. The best revenge you can get is living a happy life without that person.

18. You don’t, you just learn that if *she* cheats that it’s *her* personal decision that *she’s* responsible for and it’s not actually *your* fault.

19. I’m not sure I will ever 100% undoubtedly trust someone again. Though it’s been a few years and I’m slowly easing back, the memory still lingers in the back of my head and that sparks the pain on rare occasions.

    At this point I’m just trying to replace, rebuild and be a little bit wiser.

20. Didn’t.

21. We were high school sweet hearts, and I realized that I was a shitty partner that drove her to it. I worked on myself and some of my anger issues, and I am much better partner these days. I am happily married and trust my wife 100%.

22. Oddly enough you can, but there are times that your brain drags it up.

    I know my wife wouldn’t cheat on me, but the brain does the usual “What if she did?” thing from time to time. Doesn’t mean I don’t trust her, its just a stupid thing the mind does on its own.

23. Still working on it, but I met someone who’s pretty great and that helps. Sometimes my mind tends to spiral and I get a bad gut feeling and I’m not sure if it’s my insecurities from the past or if I’m sensing something going on. It’s a work in progress.

24. When you see first hand how many romances play out it’s never the same. It never goes back to when you were a teenager thinking that one day you’ll be in a relationship with an attractive woman and it will be just like the relationships on your favorite sitcom. Experience teaches you that life’s just not like that.

25. The person that cheated on me? Not really ever again.

    The next person. Well that person didn’t cheat on me, so why would I put less in for something someone else did?

26. I learned to read red flags better. The trust part is sort of difficult, but it something I have to exercise like a muscle. I think the worst part is I hold back in relationships because I don’t want to give everything in case they try to cheat.

27. From past experiences from relationships, casual hook ups and from what my guy friends have went threw I’ll never trust a woman 100%. They just have too many options and if they don’t cheat they got your replacement lined up.

28. You don’t trust again. You just sort of learn to pretend to trust but you know deep inside everything can flip in a blink of an eye.

29. I honestly just don’t worry about it, trust my instincts and live life. Carrying around baggage like that just leads to shitty relationships and anxiety for no reason

30. You either trust, or you don’t. It can be that simple. You get hurt, and the natural response is to close yourself off to try to prevent that from happening again. And maybe you do prevent yourself from getting hurt like that. But closing yourself off means missing out on enjoying what could be a really good relationship with someone else. And ultimately being doubtful and suspicious only wards off potential hurt, it gives you nothing positive in return. If you’re wrong you have wasted that energy being suspicious, and if you’re right…well, it’s not like you’re happy to be right.

    Personally, I don’t intend to live my life trying to avoid getting hurt. It’s going to happen. It’s a natural part of being alive. If and when it happens again, I’ll pick myself up and keep moving forward, as I always do.

    And honestly, one of the biggest factors for me was that I didn’t want to give my ex that much power over myself, to influence the way I feel and how I lived my life.

31. I’d be dammed if I let one bad apple destroy the tree

32. Found a different partner. New person, trust starts from scratch.

    Not all people are shit, and you won’t find one of the decent ones if you don’t trust.

33. Don’t even the trust the sun to rise on me

34. I didn’t.

    I can love a woman but, never fully love or
    Trust her.

    First I loved a woman 100% my first love with everything I had, then 75%
    65% , 45%

    I always keep a mental distance just in case.

35. Never. It did irreparable damage to my ability to trust another person, regardless of whom. That’s not to say I can’t trust someone. But it started taking longer into the relationship.

36. I got over being cheated on because that girl was just a bad person through and through. A real and genuine slut, someone I shouldnt have even been with, but she really pushed hard for me.

    But then during another relationship down the line, someone I grew to love more than anybody, she became close friends with another guy, and ended up developing feelings for him instead. So she broke up with me before she cheated on me, but that doesnt stop it from hurting so much. Its not always about not trusting your SO to have friends, but wondering what will become of that friendship.

    “He’s just a friend” doesn’t exist. We cant control our emotions and our attractions sometimes. If your heart decides it wants to fall for someone, its going to happen

37. 7 years later after finding my fiancee in bed with someone and I haven’t. If anyone figures out how, let me know

38. I knew I was getting with a promiscuous immature lady when I accepted her offer to date. I told myself to give someone a chance and see what happens maybe you are too harsh a judge of character. Anyway I was right turns out I’m an excellent judge of character and I was able to use that post breakup to maintain solitude while I weeded out all the self-centred sluts and got me a genuine gem.

    Tl;dr it’s a learning experience

39. I think a lot depends on your attitude and how you deal with it. Not every woman is going to cheat on you.

    My ex cheated and was caught out – she was seen by a friend of mine who told me.

    3 years later, I met the woman to whom I would get married. Never had a second of doubt, nor is there anything less than 100% trust.

40. I don’t agree with the premise of the question. Being cheated on didn’t affect my ability to trust in the first place. As if my perspective on life and people was somehow dependent on the behaviour of one single person. It’s not that I didn’t mind the cheating, but what kind of asshole would project something that one person did onto the next person they date. If you can’t prevent that, don’t date the next person because you’re not doing right by them! And I would go so far as to say that even when you stay with the same person, if you chose to do that, you better figured out BEFOREHAND that you’re willing to trust them again instead of throwing a “yeah well you cheated on me once how am I supposed to trust you now” in their face when they wanna go out with friends… If you are in that place, just leave the relationship instead of becoming a toxic asshole.

41. It’s hard

    But one thing that helps is refrain from dating. I mean literally, focus on yourself.

    It’ll take some good time, but at some point, you’ll feel a bit lonely, so you want a Girlfriend, and eventually get one.

    But the thought of “I’ve been cheated on before” never leaves.

    At least, I try to hold every individual accountable, not blame all women for something only one woman did.

42. You learn that no matter what you do, the only control you have is yourself. Focus on being the best version of yourself and if it happens again you can fall back on a solid foundation of yourself.

    It never is easy but you get dampen the blow.

43. You learn not to. Learn the signs and take no shit. I caught a girl I’ve been talking to for a few weeks in a lie yesterday. It was over something involving another guy, yet kinda small. That’s all it took to cut her off. Unfriended and told why. Number will be blocked if necessary. If they will lie over something simple to cover their ass, they will most definitely lie over something big. Stay woke, kings.