I have a young brother that is suffering from substance abuse and some mental health issues. He is currently 20, and the family is working very hard to make sure he doesn’t fall into addiction or potential life altering events. He decided not to continue school after a semester in community college, he does odd jobs /door dash, his close friends are also not a great influence and started getting to the house at 3AM high as a kite. He doesn’t have a girlfriend. He was also hospitalized when he was 17 from a psicotic episode.
For any of you that were able to overcome this rebellious phase, what helped you?
I am an older brother and I do pretty well, but I went to school, never used drugs, my friends were all acceptable influences… I feel lost at being able to give him some advise because I don’t really know how to help. He doesn’t want to get help.
Thanks.
5 comments
If he doesn’t want help, all you can do is take care of yourself. I have been an Alanon member for 16 years and it helped me understand my Mom’s -ism really has nothing to do with me. Try out a meeting, let him know you love him, and keep your own affairs in order.
He needs to do it on his own terms. I was 27 when I finally decided to take control of my life and overcome by substance abuse issues. The best thing you can do is be supportive. My own brother is the polar opposite of me and *did everything right*, but it doesn’t cause a strain in our relationship.
Getting away from bad influences is a must.
You can’t force someone to get recovery. We can’t control other people. They will do what they want. He needs to hit his own bottom in order to want to get recovery. What you can do is set boundaries – Ie: not lend him money. You can also attend support groups like alanon or acoa.
I kind of went through this, drugs and unmotivated, just kind of cruising by! What really changed me was I all of the sudden found something that I wanted to do. I found my motivation! That is not an easy thing to do but ultimately that is what pulled me out of my rut. I saw an application for the potential hard work I had to put in. I started seeing the results of my efforts and it built on itself.
What got me to actually try and look for some motivation in life was honestly working minimum wage jobs for years and getting no where and realizing somethings got to change. I was surrounded by people who were set in their path of minimum wage jobs and I heard their problems and I knew I didn’t want that for me so I had to do something quick because I saw my roots setting in and could easily see myself settling in to that smaller life than I knew I could achieve and deserved.
This took time, it took some years for me to become fed-up with the path I took and looking for something new! Looking back I wasted a good amount of time spinning my wheels and I regret that but I realize I learned other things in that time period which I still apply and reference everyday.
As for what you can do, always be their to offer help (with in reason) and just keep being a good role model for him. Maybe try and inspire him in some sort, not in the sence that you tell him do this because it will be a good job more do this because i think you will enjoy it and let him make the connection to dedicating his life to something. Its hard but you cant force it otherwise it wont stick.