My wife, especially the last few months, has been the only thing keeping me going this year. During the pandemic we both lost the majority of our income. I was a bartender and she worked as a part time administrator as well as a live audio engineer. We were incredibly lucky and even though things were incredibly tight I went back to school and my wife went full time at her administration job. The deal was is that I was going to bartend for one more year after graduation, I only needed three semester to graduate, and then I would find a more sustainable job that would help replace both her income and top notch insurance. Well wouldn’t you know it right around the time she is accepted to her graduate program, I get diagnosed with cancer. Now there are worse cancer to get diagnosed with, but this one still blows ass. We have been going through this diagnosis process since the last couple of weeks of 2022. To top this all off, my grandmother had heart surgery two weeks ago and ended up catching a stomach bug bad enough to land her in the hospital. My parents are on a well deserved vacation and since I am about to start chemo next week and can’t risk getting sick my wife is currently staying the night with my sick grandmother at the hospital. I have loved my wife with all of my heart since our first kiss, which was on our first date. She knows who I am, and she accepts me for that. She wakes me up with her snoring and a can’t even get mad anymore cause it’s another opportunity to see her beautiful face at night. She has been gone since eleven this morning and I miss her so bad. I’d slap my mamma if she ever spoke ill of my wife. I’d kick my old man in the nuts if he looked at her the wrong way. Obviously I’m being a little silly right now. Mainly cause I’m writing this during my second margarita and I’m trying not to cry and the Mexican restaurant I’m sitting at right now. But enough of my gushing. I cannot stand the fact that I can not express how much my wife means to me. I have a degree in creative writing but between the painkillers and stress my brain is not letting me be creative enough to figure out a way to show my appreciation to my wife. I would love some help thinking of creative ideas, cheap ones sadly, to help begin to show how much this woman means to me. I know one day it will be my turn to help her through hard times. I have before and I am more than prepared to do that again. But I want her to know now how much she means to me. She is beyond my ability to express. I need y’all’s help.
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Honestly man, just sit her down and tell her all this, straight up. It may seem super boring, but something genuine like directly telling her how much you love and appreciate her can go a long, long way. I’m kind of in the same boat – my gf has been there for me in more ways than I can count, and I also like to write. I wrote her a bedtime story starring a fantasy version of her going on adventures and eventually meeting a fantasy version of me. I’ve only written one chapter of it and it kills me that I can’t seem to get the creative juices flowing enough to write more, but I am trying. Maybe something like that? Just little pieces at a time.
Didn’t have any problem telling us did you? So say this same to her. My husband the same and O don’t get it. He’ll compliment me a lot… when he’s with his buddies and I’m not there, but when he’s with me he’s never like that. Sometimes I think he just loves the idea of me, more so than me or he’d be able to tell me right?
You’re about to start chemo, focus on that and plan something romantic for after.
In the meantime, keep it simple. Hold her hand, look her in the eyes, and very sincerely tell her how much her support means. Get some flowers. Handle a task or chore, if able, you know she hates. Take something off of her plate.
Use your words, be sincere, and stick to simple while you go through a process that really can take it all out of you.
Start simple. Take a piece of paper, fold it in half, draw something cute on the front — anything, a cat, a doorknob, a flower, a bug, whatever — and write “I have loved you with all of my heart since our first kiss, on our first date. You know who I am, and you accept me for that. You wake me up with your snoring and I can’t even get mad anymore cause it’s another opportunity to see your beautiful face at night. You have been gone since eleven this morning and I miss you so bad. I’d slap my mamma if she ever spoke ill of you. I’d kick my old man in the nuts if he looked at you the wrong way.
Thank you for everything you do. I love you, not only for what you do for me and my family, but for who you are. I’m lucky just to know you.”
xoxox, etc.
Sorry to hear what you’re going through. It sounds like you have a keeper. One idea could be to leave origami around the house, and put notes either by them or in them. That way you incorporate your writing skills with something new and effortful.
Also sorry to say this, but please don’t eat indoors at restaurants if you’re on chemo. You have to take care of yourself, and you can’t afford to get covid when you’re immunocompromised. This is a form of love and care too, to care for your health so you can be there for her too. Good luck bro. Super sorry about the cancer and everything stacking up, but congratulations on an awesome life partner.
What does your wife enjoy?
What does she read, what does she like?
If she enjoys reading, you can put together like a little book of poems for her written by yourself, call it something like “if you could see yourself through my eyes” or something romantic and have the poems be how you view her, how you love her, how she’s that glimmer of hope on a shit day etc etc. know that you are enough and sometimes just showing your person you love and appreciate them is greater than anything you could buy on the planet.
When my husband is really ill, it tears me up and I do everything I can to support his recovery. Sometimes he feels bad that he’s requiring so much, and he puts in effort to give back but it just ends up costing him more.
In those times, I wish he would just focus on getting better and accept my help so he doesn’t get worse.
I suggest, as you may soon be incapacitated, that you let her help you all she wants. Don’t cause greater suffering for you both by being obstinate. Accept her love with grace.
And then when you’re back to yourself, I’m sure you’ll have thought of a few good ways to express your gratitude, love and devotion. Just my two cents
Get a big clear glass jar that you can put on a bookshelf and some colorful paper even sticky notes will do and right down all the things about her that you love and thank you notes for all the things she does that help you and fill up the jar. It’s an inexpensive way to represent how much she impacts your life that she can stop and look through when she feels like it
I was in a similar situation. My husband was diagnosed with cancer in 2021. It’s a whirlwind of emotions and fear. The best thing you can do for her is stay strong and take care of yourself. Simply telling her how much she means to you and how much everything she’s doing is plenty for now. Once things settle down, do something special for her. Something that demonstrates you know her well. Ex concert tickets for her favorite band, tickets to her favorite comedian, etc. Knowing you’re well mentally and physically is the biggest gift. There’s plenty of time to return the love. Best of luck to you!!
Are you crafty? Maybe there’s a ceramics place you can paint a plate at, make something cute like a mug or an earring bowl. You could cover it in I Love Yous in your handwriting and gift it to her. They usually take about a week to fire the ceramics and now you have a sweet handmade gift of appreciation. Even better if you’re artistically lacking because then it shows how much effort you put into creating for her.
Write her a letter like how you wrote one to US about how much you love her. If you can a handwritten letter. At the end, say it in words. Or just read it to her and then let her have it. SHe knows it came from the heart and it is also something tangible she can keep.
You could leave her little notes around the house. Sweet, funny, quirky notes that make her smile or laugh. Maybe fill a jar with them so she can read one when she needs a pick me up and you are not there at that moment. It’s something small but I think it goes a long way to show her that you love her and value her.
And the most important thing you can do is beat cancer and have a long life that you two can live together.
A “grand gesture” is not needed. Honest and heartfelt words (maybe flowers if she’s into that) are enough.
>my grandmother had heart surgery two weeks ago and ended up catching a stomach bug bad enough to land her in the hospital. My parents are on a well deserved vacation and since I am about to start chemo next week and can’t risk getting sick my wife is currently staying the night with my sick grandmother at the hospital. I have loved my wife with all of my heart since our first kiss, which was on our first date. She knows who I am, and she accepts me for that. She wakes me up with her snoring and a can’t even get mad anymore cause it’s another opportunity to see her beautiful face at night. She has been gone since eleven this morning and I miss her so bad. I’d slap my mamma if she ever spoke ill of my wife. I’d kick my old man in the nuts if he looked at her the wrong way. Obviously I’m being a little silly right now. Mainly cause I’m writing this during my second margarita and I’m trying not to cry and the Mexican restaurant I’m sitting at right now.
So your wife is staying at the hospital with your sick grandma and you are out drinking (during an ongoing airborne pandemic) when you are about to start chemo? If it’s so risky for you to get sick that you can’t see your grandmother in the hospital (masked) then GO HOME and don’t be hanging out in restaurants endangering yourself and creating more work for your wife to take care of you if you get Covid while you’re immunocompromised.
Leave her little love notes on post-its all around the house, or one or two a day. Like, set up the keurig with her coffee and her cup so it’s ready in the morning, and put a live note under the cup so she finds it. Or put one under her pillow, in the shower, in her car, etc. Also, little acts of service goes a long way – vacuum and wash her car, or do the dishes, or pack her lunch. Any little thing you can do to show her you appreciate her. God bless you as you undergo chemo. ❤️
Show her this post.
Tell her how you feel, and be as helpful as you can without compromising your treatment and health. All your wife probably wants is for you to get better. Prayers for you and your recovery.
I got teary just reading that. Perhaps you could juste show her this post? She does seems like an angel but I think you should be focusing on yourself at the dawn of your treatment. Don’t let your guilt cannibalize your energies, you need it to recover. Your wife would miss you a hella lot, so do it for her.
Also THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS A “NOT TOO BAD CANCER”, yes it could be worst but it’s not a simple cold either, be compassionate towards yourself.
If she’s a cuddly type, cuddle, shut up, and be vulnerable. Add a thank you at the end. I have learned this in my almost 20 years. We want to do, I get it. But sometimes just stopping, being a couple and being human is more appreciation than anything else we can ever think of.
Life is an absolute clusterfuck. Good luck OP. And kick cancer’s ass. Hard. With steel toed boots. Between the cheeks. Bonus points if your foot gets lodged in cancer’s asshole.
Write her a letter just like this. Trust me, she will keep it forever.
Oh my goodness man, if my hubs wrote this post and just showed it to me, I would be a ball of mush and tears. Just knowing how much you love and appreciate her, and that you do not take her for granted, is beautiful.
Be easy on yourself, it sounds like she knows she is the light of your life, don’t let your brain bash you down into thinking negatively. Cancer is rough, physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially, be easy with yourself and with her. Keep on loving each other
I wish all men were like this with someone they love or like. I can’t even get marriage much less this much attention you have for yours 😂
Look into her love languages and try showing or doing her top ones more
Show her the post. It’s well written. It probably says what you wanted to say.
Do the dishes, do laundry, clean house. It’s the little things that mean a lot.
It doesn’t need to have flowery, eloquent words, expensive flowers or dinners, or even a tangible item at all. Just do something simple, like breakfast in bed on a Sunday, thank her, tell her how much you love her, and don’t worry if you trip over your words like a newborn deer. It’ll make it even more meaningful, because your brain and mouth can’t keep up with your heart.
Honestly. Just show her this and get her to read it. Sounds like you have a wonderful partner. I pray you get cancer free. Hope your grandma gets better.
Do you know your wife’s “love language” ?? Acts of service (cleaning/chores) Quality time? Gifts? Physical touch?
Whatever is her favorite of those, focus there. It could be something as small as making sure your laundry is in the basket or packing her lunch for work with a little love note in it.
It’s small consistent things which really matter most to most women. Far more than grand gestures!
aside from just telling her hand written notes!! they’re so special and show you took time to write her something that’ll make her smile. they don’t have to be long, just an “i love u so much have a great day” or “i appreciate you and you’re my everything” on post-it notes. my bf did that for me after we moved in and hid them for me to find WHILE i was cooking or cleaning bc he knew i was taking on most of the home work load while he was working full time. and if u can help her with some small things at home like folding laundry or tidying surfaces(night stand, counter etc) even easy chores that require little energy show that youre thinking of all she does and you want to reciprocate it.
It’s the little things a person does that shows how much they care. So if you’re in charge of doing the online, or in person grocery shopping and you see an item that you know your wife loves, pop it in the basket. If your wife loves a bath, make sure the bathroom and bath are spotless for her to just run it and sink in when she can. If your wife likes to grow her own herbs, watches a particular show, enjoys specific activities – find a way to contribute to her enjoyment of it.
Not feeling noticed and only being loved for what you contribute to the lives of others is what drags you down in the long term. Being told that everything you do for others is what makes you wonderful often feels like a burden. Being thanked for being a thoughtful person with no reciprocation feels like being taken for granted.
I’m sure your intentions are good, but talk is cheap when it isn’t backed up by deeds.
You need a therapsts help. It sounds like you are severely depressed
This is easy. Do everything in your power to get better. That’s what she wants most in the world.
Show her this post! It’ll be better than something else you write with too much thought. (From a woman)
I buy little figurines at dollar tree (Disney and super hero etc- they’re like 1” tall, and I write little love notes and put them in weird spots in the house and in random clothes pockets for hubs to find🥰
Firstly dude, fuck, I’m so sorry for you string of terrible news. How you’ve held it together to beyond me.
Secondly, I suggest you show her, or read her exactly this. My heart is usually dark and cold, but this brought out the sunshine inside for a brief moment. Beautiful words your wife would probably melt over.
I hope you kick cancers ass.
Book a trip for when this is over that’s all about her. Where she wants to go, what she wants to eat or do. Just a few days.
Get some flowers for her even if they are the grocery store ones for $20. And write a poem about how she makes you feel.
In my experience, this goes back and forth between couples.
You can tell her. As a woman, it’s never bad to hear, but also show her because words are easy. Be affectionate. Be understanding. Be grateful.
As a woman, I read this, and my heart filled up with admiration, and I could feel the love you have for her. Please just tell her how you feel, pour your heart and soul into what you say. Words and emotions are so much better than something you buy. When you kick cancers ass, when you’re old and have grandchildren and comfortably wealthy, buy her things to your hearts content. But for now, save your money and give her your heart. Trust when I say that it means way more.