I’m a straight man and we’ve been dating for two months.
She explained that she’s sexually attracted to women but emotionally attracted to men, and that she still finds me sexually attractive because she loves me and we actually had sex.
We had this conversation over text, but we’ll be seeing each other in person next Friday.
I’m a bit confused and not sure what to do or what to ask her, It’s surprising because I’ve known her for four years and she never mentioned it before.
Can you give me some advice on how to handle this situation or what questions should i ask her?
Edit: It doesn’t bother me if she likes women too, all im concerned about is if im not sexually enough for her, she also said that she was asexual for some part of her life.
44 comments
It sounds like she’s describing bisexuality, did she use the word “lesbian?”
I… don’t see an issue here. Sounds more like she’s bi but is emotionally and sexually attracted to you. So… we’re good.
Bi.
You’re fine if you can cope with the idea.
As long as she is into you it doesn’t matter who else she’s into. If she’s bi, but she’s with you, then it really makes little difference because bi people still form monogamous relationships generally (no diff from hetero people). Bi doesn’t mean she needs both a man and a woman in her life at the same time.
But the use of the word lesbian instead of bi is a bit concerning – you need to make sure she’s really into guys (i.e. you) or you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak.
I was with a woman for 6 years who was a former lesbian and in beginning of relationship the sex was great, but later on it turned into extreme volatility and her going back and forward being being into me, asexual and wanting crazy sex. Not a fun roller coaster. Make sure you’re with her for a few years of consistent intimacy before you get married, so you have a better chance of seeing a flip switch
Time for a new girlfriend
Honestly, first I have to ask how old are the both of you?
Second. Asexual means lacking sexual attraction or having a low or absent interest in sexual activity. So I’m thinking she’s completely confused and that leads to me believe you’re both around 20s if not younger.
Third. Shes most likely bisexual with a higher preference towards women.
My advise, if you don’t have a problem with it, don’t make this to large of an issue. It seriously sounds like she’s just trying to experiment and she’s staying with you out of emotional intimacy and comfort. I would be cautious because she could potential cheat on you sexually with a woman.
Grow tits and a vag maybe…
Read just the title..
U break up and move on.
Edit – read a bit further and if she is monogamous then it shouldn’t matter. If ur still having sex. But from the way she discerned it she isn’t sexually attracted to men? So that might be an issue.
So she’s attracted to women physically but not romantically, the story of my life
Time to bounce
I think the words used, indicates she is a lesbian. For whatever reason, she finds you an exception.
But I think it is not enough. She is telling you to be open, but it feels clear enough (to me), that she is denying her sexuality (as described) in being with you. In fact it’s a little stronger maybe than denying it.
I feel by acknowledging this, it is a series of steps towards an eventual break-up.
Personally I would be as supportive as possible, but I would break up with her, because I believe I would be holding her back as well as myself in a relationship that had no future. I couldn’t in all good conscience have sex with a woman who said they were gay or a man who said he was heterosexual.
I’ve actually been in love before with someone I was not really attracted to and I’m not sure it has a shelf date, because the relationship had issues which made me want to keep my distance. However I do feel that, I would have probably tried more had the physical attraction been there (thankfully not).
It might be different if she had described herself explicitly as bisexual.
Shes probably Bisexual dude, as for how she feels about you its great she still cares about you, but the other thing is you will have to adjust if you are out in public if she sees a woman attractive to her, as in not get jealous. But from what you described with how long you both have been with each other seems like you can rest easy.
This is a threesome opportunity screaming out to you bro.
Dude. I would proceed with caution. Cause one of a few things could happen. Is it possible that she genuinely loves you and she sees a future with you and will be completely loyal? Yes it is. But it is also possible that she is telling you this as a prelude to her:
1. Asking for an open relationship so she can have sexual satisfaction.
2. Not asking for an open relationship and she will just cheat on you
3. She’ll hang around you for an emotional boost until her next sex target comes along, then leave you for dead (what happened to me)
4. She’s only dating you to waste time.
I don’t want to generalize, but pretty much all bisexual women that I have know that say they primarily date men but are sexually attracted to females, they normally don’t hold any respect for the men they get with and they only use them as tools. I hope that your case is different, and I hope you end up happy, but from my experience, and my friends experience. It’s something to be cautious about.
Two options: she is either mentioning this because she is opening up to u as she feels the relationship is progressing, or she is unsure how she feels towards u and is testing the waters. Since it is the first time happening I would just say that u arent against lesbians. If she continuously mentions this and talks about being a lesbian and u dont want to play victimhood throughout ur life thats a different story, but this could just be her opening up.
Good luck!
My girlfriend is demisexual and she’s more attracted to woman. However, because of her emotional attraction to me, she’s also sexually attracted me. It’s totally fine, it’s just good to know and it takes a huge load off of their chest to tell you so be supportive. More importantly take pride in the fact that you’re the exception to their normal preference.
Ok so she’s bisexual. Cool. Labels don’t really matter anyways.
What matters in the end is how y’all going to proceed because of this new information and communicate what can be expected including boundaries/hard no’s and deal breaker.
Both of y’all just lay everything out on the table. Give each other the chance of understanding each other.
Never assume.
Dude, she’s already having sex with you. That should tell you all you need. If you say anything more you will lower your status and fuck it up.
BTW she’s bi. If she’s a les she’s not having sex with men.
A train wreck…move on.
I think this girl needs like a lot more time to figure out herself and you could end up without anything here. There seems to be a lot of conflict inside of her. Just be careful she could flip how she feels in a moment I’ve been around girls like this…I could be wrong but just seems vary familiar
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskLesbians/comments/zorgg7/are_gay_and_bisexual_the_same_or_do_they_mean/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
That’s 2day c what happens 2morro in our fluid world…..she may emerge as male.
If it doesn’t work out then it is okay, if her priorities don’t match up with yours in an understanding to work together then there are always other people out there. You can’t help what others decide for themselves and what makes them happy but you can choose what makes you happy. I’m not intentionally trying to be dismissive of the situation but if it comes down to it where there is no clear resolution then you should let it go and not let that person hurt you with their choices.
So she’s bi fem leaning. Don’t worry bud. A lot of us are in relationships like that or have been. Keep your head up and just be you. If it makes you uncomfortable, talk to her about it. You’re doing something right
That’s a proverbial kick in the nuts 🌰
Well, at least you’ll be able to have fun with her friends too.
Absolute lottery for you .. awesome 3somes in the future.
Ask for a 3some Goodluck
I went through this exact same thing, this girl i was dating had a fling with a then friend of ours and one thing led to another and boom they shared a moment. In all reality it wasn’t that big of a deal, what became a problem is the emotions of it, that moment meant more to one of them than it did to the other. I would tell you that if she’s important to you and you want to pursue a healthy relationship that TRUST above everything. Lay it all out for her, tell her your concerns and feelings and if she’s not willing to hear them or accept them then maybe a different conversation needs to be had. I know the thought process your in with not being enough for your partner in that situation and in my personal experience it did not end well for me mentally. Now obviously you’re different and i don’t know your situation, what i’m trying to say is listen to that still small voice and protect your heart, you only get one. (Sorry if this was super pushy and over the top i don’t mean for it to be!)
I’ve dated a few lesbians, at different stages of “being out”, as a younger man.
It’s okay, there is no shame in any of it. Accept and enjoy.
She’s Bi but must prefer women. I’m a Bi curious woman but prefer men. I’ve only been in “real relationships” with men. With women, it’s more of a “fantasy” or “curiosity.” I just haven’t found the “right woman” to start a relationship. This goes for guys too. I’ve only been in 2 relationships….and I didn’t date in high school.
I may come off as if I’m “too picky” or my “standards are too high” but I live in a town that’s kinda small. Not quite as small that you know everyone but maybe know 1/2. Plus, I’m related to a good number of residents, so that shrinks it down a bit more.
Not the deepest insight but this sounds eerily similar to the girl I stayed with for 3 years fully aware of it just like you. Only for her to break my heart so she can “fully be with women” but then spread her legs for the first dick she found. Do what makes you happy but remember that love is fickle and fades.
She’s queer, or at least that’s how my queer friend describes her sexuality. She’s more into women than men, but we kinda connected on an intimate level.
Nobody can answer if you’ll be enough for her except her.
Thats a horrible sign.. A good one would be “I’ve never found a man as desirable as you”
She’s saying she wants women but will settle for you
As a lesbian, that’s not how lesbianing works
Fucking run. This does not end well. 2 months lost is nothing. Personal experience.
This seems highly complex. If weren’t for the fact she was your friend before you started dating I would suggest bailing.
How do you feel about that?
You are friend-zone brah. This is just a different variant. She has been running a marathon without trophy and wanted to try for the sake. All the best to you
As a bisexual man, I tell you that you shouldn’t trust her. Most people like that are snakes who would betray you in a heartbeat.
Congratulations, you just found out that you are a female.
IMO,you were the test to see what she actually likes.Just be friends, this is only going to hurt you more in the long run.
Tbh it sounds like a ‘I might cheat on you, but don’t be surprised because you know I’m into and wanting to experiment with other people’