I’ve been dating this girl for months now and things are going fairly well and the relationship seems incredibly healthy. There’s just one issue. I’m a nervous wreck when it comes to sex.
I know it shouldn’t be the focal point of a healthy relationship but I’ve put it on such a large pedestal that it fucks with me. Also if you couldn’t piece it together by now I’m a virgin. My girlfriend however isn’t which I’m completely fine with the only problem is that I feel I need to live up to something.
We get really physical really frequently. We’ve had the house to ourselves with a locked door in the dark on multiple occasions and it honestly feels insane how many opportunities I get. When things get heated it’s clear to both of us that there’s a next step we need to take. We both get really physical and she gives me so many hints but I can never bring myself to do anything better than making out. I honestly don’t want her to make the move either because I want her to be dating a man who’s confident and isn’t scared of something as insignificant as sex.
The problem is that my confidence isn’t all that terrible anymore or at least I’ve gotten good at faking it. I know she finds me attractive (and I feel the same toward her) but something blocks me every time. I always make the excuse in my head that I don’t want to do anything to make her uncomfortable but we’ve discussed over text that she has no problem with it and she’d always stop me if I did anything she wasn’t ok with. So I know, in my head, that she’s completely fine with whatever I do but I still make the excuse that I’ll make her uncomfortable or something along those lines which is entirely untrue. I tried to muster up the courage to ask for consent (in person this time) so that I’d have no excuse but I couldn’t bring myself to do that either.
I suppose I wouldn’t be having this problem if I was able to speak about the topic in person and ask her to give me some reassurance but it just seems so awkward to me and I can never think of the right words. Every time I try say something remotely sexual/romantic in person to her I end up hating the way it sounds leaving my mouth.
Essentially, what I’m asking for here is advice from other people who have experienced the same problem and were able to overcome their fears and end up initiating a sexual interaction
TL;DR: I get anxious when it comes to sex and need advice on getting over that anxiety and eventually initiating