Throwaway because I don’t want this in my main.
So I (30F) met this guy (43M) about 7 years ago while I was a student and he worked with one of my mentors (I studied 6 months in the city he lived in then I went back to my hometown). We got along well and liked each other, we ended up having sex a few times, nothing serious. A few years later, I moved permanently to the same city we met and he still lived there. I heard he got married, we had no contact except for the casual ‘hope you’re okay’ text like once a year and I bumped into him a couple times at work, we were happy to see each other.
A few months ago, he began ‘reacting’ frequently to my social media stories, we chatted a bit and I told him I had just moved to my first apartment by myself and joked I was having trouble carrying the 20L water bottle up 4 flights of stairs (third world country lol). He offered to help multiple times (on different days) until I took him up on the offer. He came over, carried the damn water bottle, and we started talking and he confessed he was separated from his wife and getting an apartment by himself, and that there was no fixing his relationship. I said I was sorry and he left. A few weeks later I asked him if he was still separated, he said he had already started the divorce process. I asked if he would be interested in a kind of friends with benefits situation with me, he again said yes. I told him if he still had the slightest chance of getting back with his wife I wouldn’t start anything, he assured he didn’t. So a week or two later I sent him a text like “let’s see each other” and he NEVER ANSWERED. AT ALL.
When I realized he ghosted me I deleted his contact and I thought it was the end of it, but recently he has tried to text me (I have not answered). I really have no interest left in him, but I’ve been wondering if I should just let his texts go unanswered, or should I write him a brief explanation on why I want nothing to do with him and to not contact me again? This has less to do with pride (it obviously hurt a little though lol) and more to do with the fact that for me, a man in his 40s being emotionally immature enough to ghost someone (that he has known for 7 years) is not worth my time (this is what I would say to him). What do you Reddit friends think?
Tl;dr: man who I’ve known for 7 years ghosted me after agreeing to friends with benefits relationship and now is messaging me again. Should I just leave his texts unanswered or give him an explanation as to why I don’t wanna talk?
3 comments
Do what feels right for you. To me, I never like to ghost other people, for my own good. To end it properly always makes me feel better. Except for people who continously harrass me, I will block them and report them if necessary.
You don’t owe an explanation. If you offer one then you open the door and create a dialogue and you could get pulled in again. He could be completely full of shit about the situation with his wife. If I had to guess, he got back together with her briefly, stopped contacting you, then it fell apart so he’s back in the market for a FWB.
i mean, you’re not really ghosting someone that you already have no contact with. just leave them unanswered and forget about it.