Is it possible to develop a romantic relationship with no flirting?

2 comments

1. OK guy dating women. You asked for advice and I’m gonna hit you with it. There is one thing you need to do if you want to meet a partner via social media app. You need to be yourself. That’s it.

   You need to try to relax. And remember to ask her questions! (I am not accusing you of anything but there’s a significant subset of straight men who forget this. And I wanna make sure you do it.) Ask her at least as many questions as she asks you. And then pause and listen until she’s done talking. Really listen. Not think about what you’re gonna say next. (And I do that all the time.) This is how you meet your love.

   Flirting is a thing. And guys who trot that out too early are creepy. So you’re in a good position. Just by knowing you are not adept at it will allow you bandwidth to get to know this person. In a genuine way. That’s where the magic happens.

   Be honest. Tell her stuff about yourself. Reveal yourself. Emotional honesty and a reasonable amount of vulnerability by you is hotter to her than a crass comment about her tits. Sayin. And remember what she says about herself and look for connections. Comment on them.

   I don’t really flirt with someone in an obvious way until we’re already sleeping together. Before that you want to indicate interest and tease gently. Hit them w/ your jokes if you think they are funny. Above all be considerate and caring toward them in fundamental decent human ways.

   Like wait until they get into the Uber before you dip. Like if you drop them off at home make sure they are in the house before you pull away. Like if she looks cold and you like her offer her your suit coat. She’ll like the smell of it if she likes you. If she’s on the fence that could tip her. Like that. Look at her and think of her and imagine what she might need. Anticipate. Romantic af. She can take care of herself and she knows this so someone who is interested in her well-being and who listens to her will be glorious.

   The woman you want to be with would much prefer to get a text w/ a sincere wish at 9 AM that she have a great day and good luck with your meeting with Barry. As opposed to some cheesy come on. You need to be yourself. You’re perfect.

   We used to meet people differently. I’m old so I know. At work or among our friend groups. But matching with people online is handy and allows us to meet more people which is also important. But you are going in so very cold that you have to take a lot of time over the first half dozen dates if you like each other to appreciate the landscape of their life. And to notice when is it might dovetail with yours. Or differ! Equally important.

   It’s been my experience that when I meet people cold even if I have texted with them I am attracted to about 10 to 20% of them. So prepare for that if you haven’t. And it not always a thing where you feel the same way. Don’t take anything personally. This person doesn’t know you yet. If she doesn’t like you? Move along. If you don’t like her? Let her know gently and move along.

   But that doesn’t mean you need to panic when you like someone. Or aren’t sure but are curious. Just try to keep remembering to relax and be yourself. That’s it. The flirting will arrive as the attraction deepens and confidence in it is more sure. I’m sure you flirt. But the thing you’re talking about doing? The woman you will want to be with doesn’t care about that.

   Hope this helps. I

2. You don’t have to flirt in a sexual way. You could tell them they’re beautiful. That’s technically flirting. You could complement them. Not like nice tits, although that does work for some people. But say “I really like this picture of you in this outfit” or something like that. You can let people know you’re interested in them without getting overtly sexual. And that’s one of the points of flirting is to let people know you’re interested and warm them up to you.