How common are men that receive absolutely no attention from the opposite gender ?

45 comments

  3. Some will be very common, some will be quite posh, unattractive men are quite diverse.

  4. Id say about 60% of the male population get zero attention unearned. Than u got 30% that cant even earn attention. Top 20% get majority of attention as women dont find them unattractive. Than you got the top 5% that women accually find attractive.

  5. More than a normal person would think, less than a Reddit person would think.

    I don’t want to take a guess at this but if I absolutely had to I’d probably guess somewhere between 20-30%.

    Depends on your question a bit as well, if you mean attention in the “a woman approached me and talked to me” then the number is higher. I’m assuming your question is more of a how common are men that have no sex/dating life

  6. About 30% of men in America haven’t had sex in the last year according to the most recent figures I could find, it seems similar for the UK.

  7. Romantic attention?
    30% of men report having no sex or being virgins in the last year. Each year that number has been growing.

    Couple that with data from dating sites and apps that indicate women find 80% of men unattractive.

    I’d say a large portion of men receive no romantic attention, ever. I was hit on a couple times in my 20’s by older women. But I haven’t had a woman hit on me in 20 years. I’m average looks, professionally accomplished, and into lots of different things.

  8. What do you mean by “attention” in this context?

    Being approached by random women, asked out, or just random eye contact and warm gestures?

  9. I get some attention now that I’ve lost weight and have an amazing beard. But in my mid 20s to early 30s I would say the total amount of attention from women were from women already in relationships just trying to be supportive.

  11. Its absolutely normal, a good amount of men dont have any romantic or sexual companionship. Other people here have mentioned numbers in the range of 20-30%, which sounds realistic to me.

    I dont even understand why this is such a controversial topic, as it is absolutely obvious that a good amount of men have basically no chance on the modern dating market.

  12. I would argue a whole lot. Even if they are good looking guys. In the western culture women aren’t expected or feel the need to go up to dudes even if they find them attractive.

    I never had a problem with women. When i was single if I went up to 10 chicks at a bar 6-7 of them were more then happy to talk to me/go home with me. But I can count on one hand chicks that made their intentions known on me in my 30 years on this planet. And two of those times it was girls in middle school saying I was cute to my face lol.

    So yes I think a shit Ton of guys get no attention even the ones you think would.

    That’s why for guys status is so huge. And why there’s such a thing as “peacocking”. Those things help bring you attention from women. A girl can work part time as a cashier but wear a hot little cocktail dress out and get any man she desires lol.

  15. I haven’t seen anyone show me romantic interest in the last 9 years. I know a fair amount of friends who also haven’t seen any action in the last few years, however hard to say if they don’t have women texting them and showing interest.

    I don’t think it’s that rare. Reddit is only filled with people who have the time to be indoors are participate in a sort of forum. A niche minority, not representative of the normal individual.

    Is lack of attention rising? Hard to say. I know some 70/80+ year old men who never married, they could never find the one. Pretty sure this is nothing new and men who get no attention from other will continue long after I’m gone.

  16. I’m always the good friend or good advice guy. But too ugly to be the one they want to be with

  17. I’m one of them but I also put zero effort into trying to be noticed by the opposite gender. In fact im putting in negative effort, I dress like shit and I’m an asshole

  18. I would say pretty fucking common, especially now after pandemic.

    Guy can be 7/10, have decent career/income/car etc…but still get no attention from women. Now this is basically your above average dude. Now you got plenty of average and under average dudes who look much worse than this guy and are much poorer.

    I wouldn’t be surprised if it was 70%. Heck in my last 10 years of life, only time woman talked to me first irl was when she was trying to sell me something. Online it’s the same with trying to promote her OF lol.

  20. I think the numbers are exaggerated, self reporting and all that. Most men don’t know who is into them, and a lot of people don’t put themselves in situations where they are seen, if they are seen, they aren’t being their genuine self due to work or social constraints. It’s all a clusterfuck of insecurity and self fulfilling prophecy.

  21. 30% of men “haven’t had sex in the last year.” That includes virgins, guys down on their luck, guys not seeking it, etc. This was about 19% in 2000. So the number is growing.

    I’m sure some of those men receive attention but otherwise blow it or disregard it. I’m guessing the numbers are proportional.

  23. It’s really really common and becoming more of the norm as we barrel into the future.

    I believe that there are way more attractive women who have their shit together than men, like a 4:1 ratio is my gut feeling. And beyond social norms of men being the ones who approach women, a lot of these attractive women don’t find most men attractive enough, so a slim chance becomes even slimmer.

  24. I think all men receive little-to-no attention from women romantically. I’ve received essentially no attention from women since like High School. I could probably count on two hands the number of times since high school a women’s shown me romantic attention(where it was likely I wasn’t confusing their being nice for flirting).

    And of my close friend group, I’m considered to be the most “conventionally” attractive.

  25. Extremely common. It’s not unusual for men to go years without any attention or non-business interaction with women. I personally never had any attention or platonic interaction with a woman; online and in real life.

    And considering the relationship between the two sexes is more fractured than ever, it’s only going to get worse. And people still don’t think AI/sexbots won’t be a thing in the near future for lonely men? Lol.

  26. I didn’t receive any until my now-wife sent me a message on Bumble one fateful day. lol

  27. Context is important here. In terms of daily interactions where a woman advances on a man, gives him a compliment about his appearance and so on, I’d say it’s quite common.

    Using dating apps or maybe after the man has made some kind of first move, there’s a chance at more here.

    That said, I’ve received more from attention from gay men in my life. I wouldn’t say I’m unattractive so, this leads me to believe women just aren’t very forward (based probably on societal norms) whereas, apparently in my case, gay men are.

    To the gay men who have hit on me, thank you! 😂

  28. The last time I got a compliment from someone not In my family was about 6 months ago. My stylist told me she liked my beard.

  29. I am hardly unattractive. I am tall, have always been moderately fit, with symmetrical facial features, good to excellent grooming and hygiene, and until my mid-40s I had a decent hairline (I absolutely refuse to do a comb-over, as a child I had to suffer my father doing one).

    I can count on one hand – without re-using fingers – the number of women who have been “interested in me” _in my entire life,_ in terms of giving me actual positive attention beyond mere friendliness.

    I count myself as one of the really lucky ones, as I managed to marry one of them. 27 years together, married for 17.

    And yes, I have always been cognizant that friendliness does not equal interest, but even _mere friendliness_ has always been hella thin. Society (and especially women) seem to make the blanket assumption that it is the man’s job to break the ice. Thankfully, _I am so over that shit._ These days I am _always_ polite (at the very least), but unless a woman makes a concerted effort to reach out (even with mere friendliness, as I mate-guard myself religiously), I just have better things to do with my time than waste effort on someone who will most likely not want to return the conversationalist favour.

  30. I personally do get attention. However i can’t deny the evidence that more guys are reporting these days how they can’t find anyone interested in them and how lonely they are. I don’t believe in placing the blame on women or men, there’s a lot of factors at play.

  31. “They’re prisons. Manmade prisons. You’re doing time. You get up in the morning. She’s there. You go to sleep at night. She’s there. It’s like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. ‘Is it all right if I use the bathroom now?’”

    — Cosmo Kramer

    Kramer explains to Jerry why Jerry should never consider getting married.

  32. It’s like a catch 22, when you’re single and actually want that attention you don’t get it. But, when you’re in a relationship or married you get all the attention but you really don’t want it. Based on just my experience but ever since i got married i get interest from coworkers, random people at the bar, compliments from strangers, especially if my wife and i are out and about together. Where as before i was a ghost.

  35. I’d say I’m fairly attractive and get a good amount of looks from girls, but that rarely ever leads to the girl approaching me. Like many have said, girls expect men to make the first move, all they’ll do is give you a glance or something to try and initiate you approaching them. I have been approached by girls, but again, I can count that number using both hands. I’m also occasionally on tinder where I have 99+ likes and few hundred matches, but I hardly message or meet up with any of them.

    For a good amount of guys, they probably don’t realize that they are attractive simply because girls don’t make the first move. If those guys made the first move, I think they’d be surprised by how attractive they really are.

    It’s tough because both men and women want to feel desired, but women tend to lean harder towards that feeling to the point where they usually won’t put themselves in a position to be rejected.

  36. I recently deleted all dating apps. Over the past three years I had two dates from dating apps. Both of them last year. Most matches ignore me if they don’t unmatch. It kills my self esteem so I cut it off.

  37. Really fucking common for me. I though getting into shape would change that. It didn’t. I thought having a good paying job would change that. It didn’t.

    I was in DC one time for work and went to the corner store to get some grub one evening. There was a homeless guy there so I picked up some food to give to him; which I did on my way out. As I’m walking, I hear a woman say that was a kind thing I did. I look and there’s this short, cute-as-hell, woman whom I’m guessing was 25ish. She repeated her she and I say thanks or some stupid shit. I honestly didn’t know what to say and maybe it’s just that I’m s stupid fucking guy here but seemed like she wouldn’t have minded me asking for her number or something. However, I was dating my now wife at the time so I never asked. She seemed a little embarrassed for saying anything as she walked away but again, maybe I’m reading it wrong.

    We just don’t get women approaching us much like that. I replied to one woman a while back who asked why we guys seem so nervous on first few dates; and I replied that we don’t wake up everyday with a 1000 messages in our inbox’s. We’re also WELL aware of the fact that all it takes is a small slip-up on our part and BOOM!, we’re ghosted. Like in the movie 40 Yr Old Virgin when his GF finds the box of porn that wasn’t even his but belonged to a friend who left it at his place and she thought he was into some disturbing shit.

    We men are disposable in society and that’s just the facts. Just like women are commonly viewed as sex objects. Women get WAY more attention than they want and most of us just don’t get any.

  39. Pay attention to those who control traffic, put your groceries in bags, build your houses, maintain your infrastructure, deliver your orders, fight your wars, fix your cars, be the cops, be the firemen, throw the douchebag who harras you out off the club. So tell me how common you think they are. Most men get absolutely no attention from society at all, while they make sure our society keeps running!

  40. Im only 22 so in a few years things might change but all Ik is I’m one of them. Irl most girls wouldn’t even give me the time of day. I can get on a dating app and eventually find someone but I’m usually not attracted to them (I’ll have to “date down”). Maybe I’m superficial but I don’t need someone that’s a “10/10” but I do need some base level of physical attraction. It’s sad but in high school I was much better with girls.

    It’s weird too bc it’s not like I’m a virgin but I feel like one now. It’s been a very long time since I’ve had sex and if I had sex now it’d be like I am a virgin bc it’s just been so long. Rn there’s a girl that I think likes me but I’m not attracted to her (partially bc she’s like me. She wants validation by me being attracted to her. Im very self conscious about my body so I relate to her but if we dated it wouldn’t be healthy).

  41. Men who don’t have lots of money or power or are very good looking? Pretty common.

  42. Including all the married men? I’d have to guess it’s a majority.

    Women don’t even like most of the young men, much less the rest of us.

  43. i remember a time when i moved cities, i went probably 1.5mo without interacting with a single human being whilst just living my life. It was weird. But yeah, happens all the time man. If you don’t open yourself up for interaction you can’t expect it to come to you.

  44. Women swipe right on 4.5% of men on Tinder and other dating apps. For the most part they are all swiping on the same 4.5% that every other woman is swiping on.

    Getting zero attention from women is far and away the most common and normal condition for a man. No more than 1 in 10 men receive any interest from any women.

    Women who are 5’s all think they are 10’s and are too good for men who are 5’s. They will only date 10’s. Those 10 men just use those women as disposable sperm receptacles and throw them back in the Tinder trash heap for some other 10 to use.

  45. More common than you realise, and you don’t realise because you don’t pay them any attention either.

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