So I’m in University and we had mandatory staff training today, and on my way there I ran into one of my coworkers, let’s call her Maddie. I said wassup and asked her if she wanted a ride ( I have my car on campus, and our job is a few blocks, I’m a lazy bastard and it was cold so I said fuck it i’ll drive). She said yes, and she got in the car and we just drove. I’m not super cool with her, but we have good convo, we’re going to the same place so I said fuck it why not plug with a ride, I’ve done it before. Basically like an hour into training she’s in my group, and I ask her what she’s doing after this. I wasn’t trying to hit on her at all, I was just trying to make conversation, I have a big ass test tmwr so I couldn’t even hang out if I wanted to, but I feel like my dumbass used the wrong words and now it seemed like I was on hitting on her. She’s way out of my league, I wouldn’t even try with her because I know she’d say no, I’m an ugly bastard. But that’s besides the point. After we got out of training, she decided to walk home, so I figured I probably fucked up and said the wrong thing. I don’t want her to tell everyone I hit on her, I don’t even want her to think I hit on her. I’m conflicted on what I should do, any advice? Thanks.
14 comments
I wouldn’t worry about it, because you weren’t hitting on her.
If anyone says anything, you can say “yeah I was worried it sounded like that, but I was just making small talk”.
You didn’t fuck up
Forget about it
In my experience, trying to unfuck something like that just makes it worse. The best thing you can do is act like it was no big deal. Keep on doing you. Talk to her or don’t talk to her just as you always have. Don’t bring it up, and just do you, mate. In all actuality, you didn’t screw things up as bad as you may believe.
After reading this, I agree with other responses. You didn’t do anything wrong. She might be trying to set a boundary and create distance, which is fine, but you also didn’t burn any bridges or fuck anything up. These sorts of things blow over very quickly. Just continue as normal and keep doing the right thing.
That’s it? Where’s the fuckup I’m confused.
If you think showing interest is a fuckup then well we have bigger problems to solve here.
In fact I don’t know if you expressed your interest clearly enough, never the less, if you think you have then good, now the ball is in her court.
Frankly I don’t know if it was that clear that you showed interest , but then i don’t know what you said exactly, unless it was something like wanna go out this weekend.
Don’t take her asking you if you can give her a ride next time as a sign either, maybe if she asks you to take her see if she seems enthusiastic, and if she’s really talktive while in the car, you can take your chance then.
Just let it go.
Stop overthinking
It sounds like you deal with generalized anxiety. Your anxiety is often picked up on by others and it can make them uncomfortable. So often we are thinking they think this or that, when really we don’t know and could be totally wrong. I suggest making overcoming your anxiety a priority and feel free to inbox me if you want, I have used some of my own techniques on myself with success.
Ugly bastard? Nope. That’s not true, that’s the inner abuser talking. Out of her league? Did she think that or did you? Your anxiety is about how you feel about you, not how she feels about you. She cannot validate you, only you can validate you.
Raising self worth is the way out of self loathing, worthlessness, depression. For me, I could not find self worth until facing the reality of narcissistic abuse and my role in life as supply. No more.
Adolescence doesn’t end until 24, according to the book Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain. If you’re under 24, you are going through a LOT. I suppressed self differentiation to please my abusive narcissistic mother. Only now am I doing what I should have been allowed to do at 13, but wasn’t. Self differentiation.
Wishing you the best in the quest for self worth. Turns out it’s hiding inside us, dormant. All the hot people in the world could validate us and it wouldn’t mean anything if we don’t validate us first. All we have to do is remember who we are.
I’d say you’re overthinking it. you didn’t do anything wrong to her, and i don’t think her actions indicated that she thought you hit on her or that she was offended. even if she did you can’t control or know what people think. plus what you did wasn’t offensive so don’t worry about it
Best thing to do is just own that you got friendzoned and move on
You did hit on her, admit it. You have poisoned the well and blockek any chance of romantic interaction with other women in the university.
…For some very obvious reason, I really thought this story was going to end in a very different thrilling manner. I am somewhat disappointed really.
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