I am struggling a bit honestly. I started college at the start of covid and I’m now 18, never had a chance to make friends there due to my anxiety and it being online most of the time made it worse. I feel kinda isolated/depressed, thought I’d be in my grove getting on with life but no. The friends I made in secondary weren’t really for me, and I’m struggling now with the friendship aspect.
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Join a hobby group that you enjoy, and find like minded people there.
I left secondary school with a clear idea of joining the Air Force
I needed to resit my math GCSE, so went to college and got that
Joined the RAF and left after a month. Pretty much spun around for years. Went to two different colleges. First was for BTEC, but met a girl and pretty much tanked that and passed barely
Then went to another college to get A Levels. Got addicted to World of Warcraft and didn’t achieve what I should have
Worked full time. Got made redundant. Found another job, went to University, passed. But did nothing with that degree. Quit that business after 9 years and ended up where I am
Reasonably well paid. Like the company I work with, like the team. So I’m happy
But I look back at school, college, university and don’t have many friendships from those places. The business I spent 9 years at. Literally don’t talk to anyone from it. People who I worked with for years barely even noticed I left (or cared). If i think about it too hard. It’s shit and upsetting, but is what it is.
Im married with a nearly three year old. So life’s good regardless.
As said already, find a hobby group. You’ll meet people who enjoy the same things as you and you’ll be able to make friends there.
Maybe see if you can get involved with some community things like helping out with any community projects. It will get you out of your isolation and get you meeting people.
Leaving school can be difficult when you now have to think like an adult and find your way in the world as an adult. It’s definitely been made harder due to Covid and lockdown etc. But try not to dwell on it too much, you’ll find your place in the world soon. If you dwell you’ll find yourself isolating yourself even more.
Try to find groups/meetings that interest you and attend them and see how it goes.
Go join a group with similar interests. Whether that be a hobby, a sport, creating club or volunteering group. You will find people with similar interests, thus making it easier to make friends.
Have a look online. Your community will have some free/ cheap groups at the community center. There are plenty of independent sports clubs and interest groups in your area. You can also use the Meetup app to find groups that may be of interest.
It will take going to different clubs and activities and going regularly to really get to know people. You will also have different types of friends. Some you are closer to, some that are more of acquaintances.
I think it’s normal to go through periods in life where you might feel low or lost or not have many friends. It doesn’t have to stay that way though.
I went to university after secondary school. Made some friends there but tbh I haven’t stayed in contact with most of them. My first job was in teaching and again, was friendly with people on my training course and my colleagues but didn’t keep in touch after I left teaching. Then I worked in a job and made some friends, but once again didn’t keep in touch after leaving. Friendships felt very transient to me.
Then in my new job, at age 27, I met some people who I would actually consider friends outside of work. They’ve left that workplace and so have I but we have actually stayed in regular contact and I still see them every week. I’ve been friends with this group for 5 years now and that’s the longest I’ve ever really stayed close friends with anyone. What I’ve learnt is that staying in touch with friends takes effort, especially when the thing that brought you together no longer happens. It helps having a regular routine so you’re not always arranging stuff. With my group, I see them for a weekly pub quiz, Friday night street food and boardgames, and then one additional thing we organise every couple of weeks.
So don’t give up hope. Be open to making connections wherever you are, be it at school or work or at a club or with your neighbours. They won’t all stick but that’s no problem.
Much better. In fact, I’m in my thirties and life keeps getting better almost every year.
Started secondary school in 1999, left school in 2005, went to college for 2 years and ended up going to university in 2007, graduated 2009.
I kept in touch with a lot of friends from secondary school, we still meet up and go for a curry once a month or so. Another good place to meet people is in a job, a lot of people on Reddit bemoan having anything to do with co-workers socially but I’ve found some great long-lasting friends though work.
It’d probably be good for you to look at groups involving hobbies you might have, whether it be sports, board games, cosplay etc.
This might just be adulthood. It has been for me since school, now it’s ten years in. I’m not sure we have friends now, and we only had good time friends at school maybe if we were lucky.
Maybe the reason most people get a partner is to have someone, although obviously most relationships end.
Hobby groups, volunteering, people will say. Only old people go to those things really in adulthood, at least twice your age, but mostly retirees.
So. Umm. Get used to being alone, maybe it’s for the best. If you have relationships, they’re all transactional at their core, and if you don’t provide enough value, the relationship ends.
Maybe “friendships” aren’t as common anymore as dating apps facilitate the main reason people have friends…
I am in my early 30’s not and I only have two friends who I know from school. The rest of my friends I have met along the way. Put yourself out there, look for things you can get involved with where you can make friends. You’ll get there!
The same happened to me and it’s totally normal, it’s a period in your life when you leave your comfort zone (especially if you’ve spent a lot of time online and in your room because of the pandemic) and you’re having to pick up lots of social and other skills, meet new people, absorb lots of new things all at once.
It isn’t easy at first but it definitely becomes easier and it’s so worth it! Five years after leaving school, I was unrecognisable in terms of confidence and just general maturity.
As for making friends, by far the easiest thing is to have something regular where you see the same people a few times (e.g. a club, hobby, even just one of your classes) as you become familiar with people in that group and you have something to talk about in common.
I’m 27. The only thing I can really describe life being for me is just floating about.
I only just was diagnosed autistic so it explains why I struggle so much with social aspects, especially as a teen, but I was at least able to come out of my shell more back then, despite being obnoxious. I’m still good friends with three people from college and one from school but we don’t see each other anywhere near we used to.
My longest & most fulfilling friendships have been online. Because I was such a social shut in, I was (and still am) terminally online. I met some of my greatest friends in weird places (Known a guy for 12 years, met through Habbo. Known another for 15, met through a cringey roleplay community. Know two I consider best friends for 9 years, met through Facebook meme pages). Being able to join groups of people with common interests so easily compared to real life really helped me during my pre-teen to late teen years. Later events in life have made my mask crumble to the point it’s now super-obvious I am ND so having those friends really help me push through.
I’m not content with life but I’m coping, I guess. I’m in a better situation now compared to 3 years ago, financially & mentally, but I know the job I’m doing now is temporary so floating about is still apt. I’m hoping to push through and find something finally permanent.
Online friends are a good stepping stone. I get you may need the physical aspect but that’s what meetups are for. You’re also still young in the grand scheme of life so you’ve got plenty of time to figure things out and take action when you need to. I’m just one guy but reading through this thread can give a lot of insight and I’m thankful you put this out there because even adults are the same. For example, diagnosis was one of the best pieces of news I’ve ever received and I’m glad I took action to get that. I would have never gotten that if I didn’t figure things out. Granted, I regret not doing that sooner but I’m happy I did it at all.
Good luck!
Shit at first. I left in Year 12 near the start so all my schoolfriends were focused on studies and I had no direction. Didn’t wanna go to uni, didn’t have any ambitions aside from enjoying myself and fuckin about.
I came up rough and was always in trouble so suddenly being 17/18 with no money and no direction was a reality check. Getting a full time job in retail started my path in life and sorted me out mentally and helped me make new friends and most of all understand how the world works.
Before getting that job honestly I thought it was all over and I fucked up life but looking back now it’s a blip and you don’t really understand shit until much later anyway. Keep on truckin’ OP, it gets bettero
a video on the subject https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpeB5j2lCbA
I’m in my 30s and my best friends I have now are ones I made from about 23 – 27.
Don’t really have any friends from school or college.
Do you work? Can you go travelling? How do you feel about uni?
Had one mediocre year of university, one amazing half year of university after moving in with a friend, then 3 horrendous years since Covid started
I moved away when I left secondary school, and didn’t really make any friends at college at all. Uni didn’t work out well for me due to health issues. I was in my late 20s when I actually started making good friends. Now I’m in my 40s and life is good.
I think college/uni/early working career is a difficult time because people’s lives are so unsettled. Moving, changing jobs, etc is so common so you lose touch with people and it takes time to find a new group.
I though it was brilliant and I was socially doing brilliant in high school popular by the end of it and in college I made so many new friends straight away
But now over a decade later I don’t keep in touch with any of them from college and only a select group of close friends that hardly see each other
So the opposite from you , I would guess you will come into your own in the next few years and your life is only getting started
You may be struggling just now my friend but I can see things getting better for you just find the right crowd and don’t try too hard
Make real friends not hangers on that just want to seem popular
All the best bro