Long story short, for the past months I’ve been dating way out of my league. My girlfriend is gorgeous, popular, smart, well-educated and comes from a rich family. I’m average looking, college dropout, don’t make much money and I’ve always wondered what she saw in me. I feel like people are always staring at us and think how could someone like me be with a woman like her.
Our relationship has been great, we even talked about moving in together in the near future. But she has been cold and distant for the past few days, ever since we ran into my ex on the street. My ex was a nice person but not nearly as beautiful or stylish as my girlfriend. We exchanged a few words and continued walking. My girlfriend asked me who that girl was and I said “my ex”. She replied with “oh, okay” and started acting weird.
Today while she was taking a shower, I saw a message on her phone from one of her friends. “Please, don’t dump the dude, he adores you” it said. I know her password and I’m embarrassed to admit that I couldn’t resist to snoop. It was a long conversation but basically my girlfriend said that she felt second-hand embarrassment when she saw my ex and couldn’t be with someone who’s slept with “something like that”. That she found my ex on facebook and stalked her and could tell believe that I’ve dated such a low-life person. That she deserves a man with better taste and that she’s out of my league.
I don’t know what to do, I thought I found my person but it seems that she’s embarrassed of me. I don’t see how I’m in the wrong here or what I can do to keep this relationship going. Obviously I can’t turn back time.
Update:
Wow, this blew up, thank you so much for the advice and support. So that’s the update:
We’ve had a long talk, like an hour long. She basically said that she was angry in general because of how little I think of myself. That I’m a great person but refuse to see it. Said that she’s tired of seeing me wasting my potential and refusing to change my awful low-paid job because I’m afraid of getting what I deserve. She thinks that I underestimate myself and surround myself with average people because I think I’m like them. Basically told me that she wants a person with more self-esteem who is the afraid to take what’s rightfully theirs. Told me she needed time and that I use the time apart to work on myself and how I view the world.
I won’t pressure her and I’ll listen to her advice and use the time to reflect on myself and my life choices.
33 comments
I wouldn’t want to be with a woman who thinks the way that your girl thinks. Thanking anyone is below. You is pretty disgusting.
Why would you want to stay with someone that thinks you’re a low-life based on the appearance of someone you’ve dated in the past? She sounds incredibly superficial.
Just dump her and move on. There is no value in saving this relationship.
Dump her instead? She sounds like a genuinely awful person. Who says shit like that? You’re clearly on good enough terms with your ex that you can chat in the street, she’s apparently a nice person. And here’s your current girlfriend; clearly jealous really and being nasty towards someone else to pick herself up.
I’d rather be with “a nice person” than someone who’s selling points are her looks, her money and her status, and who goes stalking someone on Facebook just to say horrible things about her.
Honestly breaking up with her and telling her that it’s because she did something genuinely awful for no valid reason might help put her in her place.
You are not dating someone out of your league. You are dating. What you have found out though is that she is not who you thought she is. She turns out to be highly judgmental. Personally I would break up with her because I wouldn’t want to be with someone who is so unkind and judgmental. Who cares what your ex looks like.
Dude she is a bitch dump her, she doesn’t care about you and is shallow. Do it before she does.
Bro would she be okay if you criticised her for the same reason?
The fact is that you wouldn’t stoop so low and judge a person based on the person that they dated in the past… and if she says “something like that” at a person with no respect whatsoever, she doesn’t even know her to judge her.
You deserve someone better than who thinks she’s some privileged price.
Try talking it out and if you think that maybe you misunderstood. If not, she’s not worth your time.
Lord, get rid of that shallow person.
Do yourself a favor and tell her it’s over.
You realized that you missed your ex because she isn’t judgmental and stuck up and she never looked down on you.
Also you are out of her league, don’t think otherwise.
If you say it’s over first and it hits her out of nowhere, it’s gonna be a lot better for you. Be the breakup-er, not the breakup-ee.
She sounds shallow. Are you sure this is your person?
Do you even want to be with a shallow person like that? She is out of your league? Imagine if you would dump her. That is what i would do.
dude, listen to me. breaking up is not easy. if she can breaks up with you over such a petty reason, she never loves you in the first place. therefore, you would be dodging a bullet. plus, there is a high chance that she was just venting about how bad your EX was. most girls do this. i won’t sweat it. but if she is stupid enough to break up with you over this, then i wouldn’t be too concern about it.
Honestly she sounds like a genuinely unpleasant and rotten person.
It sounds like your girlfriend is shallow tbh
Grow a spine, bro. Drop her
You are not in the wrong for having an ex not up to your GF’s standards.
You may be in the wrong for dating a girl who maintains standards for her SO’s exes.
I know you love your GF, but she sounds extremely shallow and judgmental. Perhaps you should let the trash take itself out.
If you stay with her you will be stuck on a treadmill if constantly trying to keep her interest. She doesn’t care about you if she’s willing to dump you over your ex being not as stylish and hot. Why would you want to be in a relationship like that?
I bet your ex was a more beautiful person than your gf. Your gf has an ugly personality. You’re out of her league. Dump her.
Why would you want to be with someone like her? Your gf is trash and has a superiority complex. She thinks she’s better than your ex without even knowing her, she just judges based on looks. Honestly, your gf is toxic and you should break up with her befor she does it to you. She’s a shit person.
So you’ve now found out that you are in fact not dating out of your league because you can only hide ugly on the inside for so long. What will you do with that information?
why would you ever want to stay with someone who talks about you like that behind your back?
Honestly she sounds like a nasty toxic person you wouldn’t want to be with.
Sounds like she’s shallow as hell. Or insecure. Or both. I would honestly rethink if that’s the type of person you want to be with.
I mean you literally started off your entire first paragraph being like “I know I’m not good enough for her, not sure why she’s even with me” like what kind of attitude is that? I would be turned off at that as well. I won’t say that her being judgemental about your ex was right. But she sounds spot on about your attitude, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who refuses to believe in themselves and speaks poorly of their situation. Sounds like she sees the good in you but is tired of your defensive self deprecation. This isn’t an ex girlfriend problem, it’s your piss poor attitude, running into your ex was just the catalyst.
Her explanation seems valid, idk why people are mad that your partner sees more in you. If you’re content with being comfortable then break up with her, but you’d be pretty stupid to do that since she seems to want to push you to be the best version of yourself that you can be, and you keep saying “but I’m just average” why would anyone with high motivation and goals ever settle down with that mindset. Take her advice and upgrade your life
Yeah she sounds like a horrible person, she just came up with a nice way to distract you from that fact. She’s tired of seeing you wasting your potential that’s why she felt second-hand embarrasment just by looking at your ex and call her “that thing”? AND she says you need to work on yourself?
Good luck with this manipulative and awful person.
>She basically said that she was angry in general because of how little I think of myself. That I’m a great person but refuse to see it. Said that she’s tired of seeing me wasting my potential…
Ok, some good advice here about self esteem.
>…and refusing to change my awful low-paid job because I’m afraid of getting what I deserve. She thinks that I underestimate myself…
Ok, assuming you don’t like your job and it’s not like her entire perception of it is related to pay.
>…and surround myself with average people because I think I’m like them.
WTF, she thinks she’s better than everyone. This goes well past good self esteem and is firmly in the land of entitlement and narcissism.
I’m curious, is your current gf only shitting on your ex gf because of her appearance or because she found weird posts on her fb? Like can you walk me through her thought process behind writing off your ex so complete as somebody supposedly inferior to her? What specifically is bothering her about your ex so much?
You should take her advice and not waste your potential with someone who views the world and the people in it in such shallow terms.
She’s done you a favour. Don’t go back there, she sounds awful.
She sounds like an elitist piece of shit.
On your part, don’t think things like “out of my league”, love transcends social class.
Are you kidding me? She called herself out of your league, that she’s embarrassed you dated someone like your ex and generally thinks she’s better than you or your relationship.
And you want to stay why? Because she’s “pretty”?! And then when you confronted her about it she turned it into how you don’t have any self esteem, how you don’t think highly enough about yourself (despite her just shitting in you in a previous email) …
Grow some balls and break up with her.
Okay even worse with the update. She’s self centered, narcissistic asshole. She saying things BEHIND your back. Why you haven’t considered to break up yet?!
you’re dating a Mean Girl, which can be very fulfilling, but only if you like to play Dress Up and Keeping Up With The Jones’.