I’m a 28-year-old female who has never dated, been in a relationship, or kissed anyone.
I lived a sheltered childhood and my friends ended up carrying it on throughout my adult life, even new friends. They will not talk about any of this stuff with me because ‘I’m too pure’ (I’m Catholic and saving myself for marriage) even though I want to meet someone and be in a long-term relationship. However, I’ve gained a lot of weight recently due to stressful situations in my life. I’m starting to work toward getting healthier and losing weight, but I have a BMI around 42 right now.
Right now, I’m still lost as to where to start. What dating apps are best for those looking for a long-term relationship and are waiting until marriage? How do you approach this topic with someone? Do you put it on a dating profile or wait until a couple dates? How do you kiss someone? Will people be turned away from my lack of experience? Will anyone even be interested in me with how heavy I am right now?
I am just very lost and don’t know how to get started. Any advice would be appreciated, even if it doesn’t answer these specific questions. I don’t want to be sheltered and I want to find a significant other. Thank you in advance for your help!
25 comments
I honestly started just like you having no experience with dating. I find it best to go out there and make mistakes. Don’t try and be perfect. Let yourself be comfortable with failing at dating. I have myself have failed plenty of times. What matters is that you get back up and keep going. Eventually, you will find the one. Above all, go slow and make sure to love yourself before you love others
It’s rough out there, I mean there are always niche dating apps like Christian mingle or what have you, but with using those comes the risks of being used just as much as you could in any form of relationship.
It’s really trial and error. I’d say the best place to start is to talking to people about the topics you want to within the boundaries you set for yourself. I found d the easiest way to do that is talking with anonymous people online in places like reddit or some form of message board because it gave me a sense of confidence in what I wanted and how to get it.
Well I’d be happy to talk about whatever you’re asking and interested in what you look like too ☺️ definitely feel free to message me anytime.
Don’t do it! Dating apps are terrible and you should just focus on yourself. Someone will come along and sweep you off your feet. There’s no need to force it
There’s plenty of men out there that will find you attractive. Some of those will really like who you are and will want to get to know you more. Some of those will want to stick around for a long time.
It’s the same whether you’re fit, heavy, hot or not, interesting or boring. It takes trial and error and maybe heartbreak. Try to have fun in the process.
I wish you good luck!
You’ve started addressing one thing that will help infinitely- get in shape and stay in shape… A lot of the softer crowd will try to tell you being physically attractive is only shallow and superficial but don’t listen to them – your options in the making pool will be unbelievably better if you have a fit body …it’s just science and it’s the best piece of advice you’ll get on here.
Attachment styles & deep soul connection … really anything you want can follow but that is what matters to start with. You can’t pick the awesome guy if he isn’t in the doorway from initial attraction.. having many people to choose from based on your preferences will be a million times better.
I’m in the same boat. I’ll want to say it’s gonna be hard just in embrace the suck and Goodluck.
Don’t go online. Guys on apps will just take advantage of you. All dating apps are basically for hookups and not long term. Go to church. That’s where you’ll have the best chance finding other virgins who are looking for the same thing.
You definitely need to get out
I will tell you right now. It won’t matter if you lose weight. People will use you for sex. I honestly want to cuss out the person above that said “ get fit”. Looks don’t matter to men. They’d be happy if a sock complimented them while they used it to jizz. Lose weight for you. If you have problems talking to people it won’t be fixed by losing weight. Practice talking to men when you go out.
There must be Christian dating apps out there. Go find one of those. I bet there is even a Reddit for Christian daters or Christian singles.
I would try speed dating, church groups (not familiar with churches and if they offer dating services lol), also don’t be shy if you see a guy you’re attracted to ask him if he is single and if you can get his number the worst that is gonna happen is he will say no and then you move on, never gonna see them again (hopefully) so don’t be embarrassed.
Same, never been in a relationship as well and I’m 20🥲
There’s plenty of things you can do to improve your situation, but a good place to start is by losing weight.
It is beneficial to your health, will generally make you more attractive, and it is empowering to know you can overcome the struggle. People online are allergic to telling women to lose weight, but as a guy, I gotta say it’s pretty effective.
to be honest id forget about the dating part for now and just focus on urself. all energy wasted chasing a guy could instead be used to better ur own body n shit (work smarter not harder)
start working out- go for runs and do squats whenever u can, change ur diet
its easier said than done but u see appearances do matter unfortunately and at a bmi of 42, it may be difficult to find someone..
Buy a fedora and katana, helps dudes
Hey, I’m 24M and I’m in a similar situation like you so don’t think that you’re the ONLY one in the world. Dating apps turned out to be shitty for me. What I would recommend you is start with finding peace in yourself and to be honest 28 is not that old I’ve seen people in their late 30s being single and all. It’s alright. The second thing I would say is please don’t chase anyone, be yourself and respect yourself, you are the most important person in your life.You just have to pull back and stop trying to woo people, person who want you will get out of his way to get you. Don’t try, as bukowski said.
Same
You presented a bunch of things, that can be a dealbreaker to plenty of guys out there – being overweight, waiting for marriage, being too pure or naive and without any romantic experience. Individually they’re not gonna be a dealbreaker for everyone, but when combined, your pool might be rather small.
There are obviously things you cannot change, which is absolutely fine – not going to try to talk you out of your religious or personal values. But then there is a lot you *can* do to bring more to the table or erase some of the dealbreakers.
I agree with the people saying you might want to try getting fit. It’s not just to look good, but you’ll feel better, stronger, healthier and will be able to do more. Just beginning with it and sticking to a regime in itself shows dedication and selfcare, which is super attractive. Plus it’s something you can start doing completely by yourself now.
It’s also nice to have another incentive than just looking for a relationship (which I’m sure you do). If you’re excited about a hobby, an artist, cooking etc., keep growing in that field and exploring. People who have a passion and are able to share it are also incredibly attractive.
I also agree with the ones saying don’t use dating apps. Use your community instead. See what activities you can join at church, with your friends that would lead you to new people. If you have a trusted guy friend, maybe ask for a “pretend date” to practice conversation. Ask trusted people around you if they know of anyone, even if it meant just going out for coffee and turning it into friendship.
It’s important to approach dating with an open and positive mindset. Searching for the right partner sucks, people get rejected, things get awkward, conversations are rough… And in the end it may happen quick, years later or never. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Just take it step by step and treat yourself kindly throughout the whole journey.
So brave of you to share all that with total strangers. I would recommend á dating app that focuses on similar values as yours. There’s a few out e harmony christian mingle and upward dating are the ones that come to mind right now you won’t have to worry about when or how do I tell your story. Since it’s marketed to the conservative single people. You know we share a similar background my mom was way to protective of me so I didn’t experienced youth as most kids do. As a result of that we’ll the repercusión
S have carried over the years I didn’t developed social behavior which now in adulthood results in me avoiding gatherings wether be a bar club concert prettmuch a anything that requires interaction because I tend to get nervous.sorry I turned this about me I apologize. So as a last word of advise I’d like to tell you to always keep in mind that no matter which app it is there will always be scammer attempting to take your money. Good luck may you your special person. 😊😊😊😚
Stay off the dating apps. Kissing will come naturally. Your lack of experience will not be an issue, just be aware that there are some that will want to “train” you. Maybe don’t share your lack of experience for a while. You need to quit worrying about your size. If you want to get leaner, do it, but don’t do it to try to find someone. Just be happy and comfortable with who you are and you’ll attract someone.
Keep trying and the right person will come
There are Catholic men out there who are also waiting for marriage. Depending on where you live, there could be Catholic young adult groups around.
One thing to keep in mind: Women, even those who are chaste themselves, tend to find men who are virgins to be unattractive. If a man has a lot of sexual experience, it’s a sign of preselection, the idea that other women find him attractive.
The kind of man who would be right for you is probably an awkward, 30 year old Catholic virgin who doesn’t really know how to talk to women. If such a guy approaches you, hopefully you won’t lead with, “Let’s just be friends.”
I’m rooting for you in your work toward getting healthier and losing weight.
There good ppl as well if you look around, don’t lose hope ever ✌🏼🫶🏼