How do I (F32) talk to my date (M38) about ED?

21 comments

1. Beat around the bush for a little while and then ask if he likes the idea of using those blue pills. It’d look like you’re just being curious and that way you’d get your answer.

2. In my experience, some men have performance anxiety in the beginning. I’d give it another chance or two before bringing it up and be sure to incorporate more non-penetrative activities.

   If after 3-5 times, it’s still an issue then I’d just ask him if it’s something he’d be willing to discuss with his doctor since PIV sex is important to you. ED is often a symptom of a bigger issue and isn’t just stand alone.

3. After one time you want to suggest pills? You seemed already concerned about this. It sounds unlikely you two will be compatible. You did this after one time…maybe it’s the first time it happened, but it can always happen again. Sheesh.

4. Your response is a little extreme. Lots of men have a hard time getting it up the first time and it isn’t necessarily an issue once they get comfortable with their new partner. Why not just be patient and kind the next few times (“no worries it happens to all guys sometimes just relax and have fun/we can take a break if you want”) and see if the issue resolves itself?

5. Being someone who has struggled with ED myself, I can say that it’s important for him to feel unjudged and supported. It’s not uncommon to have difficulty achieving or maintaining an erection, and treating his ED will do wonders for his self-esteem. Initiating the conversation will likely make him uncomfortable, so if it becomes apparent that this is an actual issue rather than simply being performance anxiety, then make sure you come from a position in which you’re actively showing that you want him to conquer this issue primarily for his benefit. So that he is able to enjoy sex without feeling anxious over whether he’ll rise to the occasion.

   Don’t bother with blue chew, or Roman, or any of those services. They’re overpriced, and the medication is shipped directly from those services. Instead, have him download the GoodRx app. GoodRx offers same day treatment, and for a $19.99 remote consultation, he can be diagnosed and receive a prescription for medication that he can fill at a pharmacy of his own choosing. It will be sent to the pharmacy the very same day he’s diagnosed, and GoodRx offers coupons to make the medication affordable. I currently pay $12 for a two-month supply of tadalafil (generic cialis). He could have medication in his hand within 2 hours of his initial appointment. He will even have the option of which medication he would like to try. I opted for tadalafil because it remains effective for up to 48 hours (often longer) after taking a single dose.

   Good luck!

6. I think having an honest, adult conversation is easiest. Being forward about how important a good sex life in a relationship is to you is important if it’s a relationship deal breaker. Since he’s self conscious about it, I’d start with saying how much you enjoyed the foreplay. Then just ask him if there was something that either of you could’ve done to help him maintain an erection for the rest of the fun. He’ll open up at that point where you can talk about meds or having a checkup with a doctor.

7. Yeah suggest the blue pill, he’ll be rattling your headboard in no time

8. Try oral. If that doesn’t get him hard then try BluChew. Talk to him about it since he obviously knows. And if that doesn’t work well just buy him a strapon

9. He needs to go to the doctor

10. Peg him

11. Info – Did you give him oral during foreplay and did he not get hard then?

    I don’t know how much experience you have but performance anxiety early on is so common I’ve found it almost to be the standard. It literally happens as often as not. The first 3 times I’d scratch up to just getting to know each other, definitely not an indication of anything like ED. If it is performance anxiety then adding pressure isn’t going to help, so no, I would not bring up medication for sexual dysfunction after one encounter like this.

12. Is he over weight or on certain medications causing his ED?

13. You say he was very great with the foreplay but what about you? Sometimes people need to be eased into it. Lots of kissing, touching all over, make it tantric. Also be vocal about how he’s doing during foreplay. My ex had health related issues that sometimes made it so he couldn’t maintain an erection but that didn’t stop him from pleasing me (which obviously I returned when he was in the mood and able to) and we still had a very active and fulfilling sex life. Don’t limit yourself to thinking sex is just penis in vagina.

14. >Should I just tell him it’s time to start popping those blue pills? How do you even bring this up

    Yes, definitely recommend medication after one (1) sexual encounter.

15. Woah that’s one way to perpetuate a problem. One of my favorite boyfriends, in and out of the bedroom, had this issue when we first started having sex, and it was just anxiety. After a month or so, his confidence grew, allowing other parts to grow without issue. Making a deal about it now will only make it worse.

16. **”Should I just tell him it’s time to start popping those blue pills? How do you even bring this up?”** Exactly as you just stated….tell him “I want that D in me and let those little pills do their magic!” Honestly, 50 mg and he’ll be as rock hard as a 17 year old on prom night….No joke and he’ll go for a long while too

17. There is something deeper going on, as it seems like he was trying to avoid penetration altogether. Some medications can cause ED, some health conditions as well, but it kind of sounds like he’s been through something. You can’t approach this from a “this is how you fix your problem”, because you don’t have the full picture of what’s going on. I would have a very open conversation where you tell him that you don’t think less of him for his ED, but you’re concerned about his health and well-being. If it’s purely physical, Kegels and Kegel trainers can help — it could be that his pelvic floor muscles are weak for some reason.

    This is going to be a hot take, but if you’re having sex, you should be at the point where you’re open to sharing any traumas/baggage you may have. Time to just be open and straightforward if you want to enforce healthy communication.

18. 1-1/2 months? He’s 38? What he needs is an appointment with an MD, if for no other reason to rule out deeper health problems that can be causing the ED. Oh yeah- he’ll need an Rx for the blue miracle pills, as well.

    And, given the short duration of your relationship, I’d hint, or suggest, or outright tell him the score, at this point, you have nothing to lose.

    ‘Nuff said.

19. Don’t you think he already knows it’s an issue? The best way to handle it at first is actually to make it a non-issue, focus on forms of sex that don’t require an erect penis. That’s going to make the situation more comfortable for him, and make it that more likely that things work well. Making it an issue, especially right off the bat, isn’t a great idea. Also, assuming that the solution is just for him to take a medication without weighing the risks and benefits isn’t a great approach either.

    I’d give it some time, having sex that doesn’t draw attention to the lack of erection, and only after some weeks of sex like this would I bring up the issue and talk to him about how he’d like to handle it.

20. I have had this happen a couple times and it wasn’t actually ED the guys experienced… It was a severe case of nerves/performance anxiety.
    They each got over it within 3 tries (over a couple weeks) and didn’t need Viagra or doctor visits.

21. Fuck no.

    He should go to a physician to find out what’s going on. Just getting a set of pills? That could be a recipe for disaster.