We’ve been dating for about 9 month and hes a great guy but i feel like I am missing out on my prime. I love being with him but i always feel like i could be out in the wild and having fun. He’s everything I am looking for in a man and I don’t regret dating him but its just this nagging feeling.
Should I be settling down at this age or should I be “playing the game”? Is it normal for these kind of doubts in a less than a year relationship? Am I just being weird?
Tl;dr should i leave my bf to explore myself?
22 comments
If you want to explore other relationships, then go ahead and end this relationship and go date other people. Often we meet great people, but it’s not the right relationship for you right then. That happens!
You’re young, and even if he’s a great guy there’s no requirement that you keep dating. It’s totally reasonable that at age 26 you don’t want to settle down yet. If you want to end it though, do it soon as he may be on a different page than you, and you don’t want to waste his time.
If you feel it is right for you, then break up and leave. There is no right or wrong decision. Only consequences of your decision. Whatever you choose, you will gain/keep something and have to lose something.
Just as you say, you are in your prime. Your value to men will go down as you age. Similarly, your value to some men goes down with the more guys you get involved with. But the most damaging thing you can do is to get pregnant and be a single mother. So explore responsibly. You are still young.
A guy 10 years your senior is not going to be looking for that. Move on
Doubts are normal to an extent, it would be weird if you didn’t have them. It sounds like you may not be ready to settle down. Take a trip by yourself or with a friend and figure it out. The trip may feel freeing or you miss him more than you thought you would.
If you do decide to break up with him, You may find out that you were wrong and do want to be with him or you may find somebody you do want to spend the rest of your life with. You will really hurt him, it’s something you need to recognize if you go through with it. But be honest and don’t sugar coat anything, its not nice to be lied to. You have a lot to process so just make sure you are not making a rash decision.
I foresee a post in the future lamenting losing a great guy for some ill-defined “fun”.
You are right. These are the best years of your life. You need to move on. You are not being fair to him and you are not being fair to yourself. This is not just about another relationship. This is just about exploring life and being free for now. How long have you been together? Here is thing. Many guys his age are happy to get ready to marry a lady your age. He is has lived those years. You have not. That’s nearly 10 years that you have not experienced. If you don’t want to be tied down you need to let him go. He might be wanting to settle down and ladies like you are the perfect age for most of these guys. That’s not what you want right now. That’s ok! There is nothing wrong with that and don’t let anyone ever tell you it is. It’s ok you want to live those years. If you tie yourself down eventually you will be unhappy while the years go by.
Leave. The fact you’re even considering this says he’s not the one you want to settle with. Stop wasting his time and emotion.
Personally, I think if you are strongly considering breaking up with someone so you can have casual sex with a bunch of people, then you probably aren’t with the right person for you.
leave and don’t expect him to take you back
Haven’t had to open a door in 9 months 😂 jeez he’s Defs worth keeping around for that…
Jokes aside you do need to think about the fact that this man is always going to be a decade older and if you think it’s boring now it’s likely to not improve.
I was once in a relationship where I thought I was happy but I was so often thinking – is this it? Is this just life now? We split and I am so glad. He’s a lovely guy and we’re still friends but my life has been so much better since we broke up. My current partner wants the same excitement out of life that I do and it’s amazing.
Ignore the fearmongering men who like to scare women that they’ll regret having fun and independence. They just want to trap younger women and women regretting taking a shot at life is their revenge fantasy
Is this your first relationship?? If so, in my observation, most first relationships don’t work out long term for the exact same reason that you’re stating. It seems you don’t truly love your partner otherwise you wouldn’t have these thoughts. So better to call it quits now then lead him on with false expectations
I’m not sure I relate because I started to feel ancient at 25 lmao
Personally at 25 I was def not able to keep the partying rhythm I had when I was 20, but if it is what you want go for it.
You have a decision to make and it’s difficult to give you a real advice. None of the alternatives is inherently wrong. It really boils down to what you want
Why do I have a feeling you’re not going to find dating around quite as fun as it seems in your head…
But, I am in my 30s and for some people this is something they need to experience, not be told.
Break up with him. He deserves better. Go fuck around and take the time to grow up, you’re clearly not mature enough to be in a relationship with this man. Stop wasting his time and exploiting his emotions. Oh, and learn to open your own door like a big girl. Relationships are based on mutual respect and shared interests & values, not door-opening abilities.
If he’s looking for a serious relationship, you might do best to just end it and move on. I think the FOMO would probably poison your relationship anyway. You could always try to pitch an open relationship which would likely have the same result as a breakup. I would make it clear, though, that this is something you really want. If you are wishy washy, he won’t understand the situation. You don’t even have to tell him about the other person, I think he’ll understand the situation.
I look forward to your next post in around 7 years time titled ‘All my friends are married with babies and I’m alone 😢, what did I do wrong!?’
This is called grass is greener syndrome.
The grass isn’t necessarily greener on the other side. It’s greenest wherever you water it.
What is the game. Is it to run around having random hookups with people you don’t care about, or is it looking for that person who you can spend your life with. Figure that out and you will have your answer.
I’m back on the market in my early 30s. Let me tell ya, it’s a different scene. The pickings are slimmer. If you need to explore your sexuality, by all means, and it’s not that you can never find another quality man, but it’s not going to be like your 20s.
At first I didn’t understand why everyone was being so harsh because I got your feelings until I read your comment that this is directly related to sex. Ultimately if you don’t want to be with him you shouldn’t hold him back but if you want to explore with sex can you not just communicate with him about things you would like to try? Or is this a case where you have communicated and it’s not getting better which makes more sense? Experimenting with sex will be a lot better if you focus on the quality and not the quantity of partners you have because many of those men that don’t have a connection with you aren’t actually going to care if you get off and they just want to get themselves off. 100 men that don’t care about you or your pleasure aren’t going to hold a candle to one guy that knows what he’s doing and wants to make you feel good.
All I’ll say is be careful what you wish for
What does “exploring myself” mean? If you mean hook up with random people, please find jesus.