I know it stems from insecurities but why do I get so jealous? Today my (29F) partner (35M) went and dug up rose bushes for our friend (F) because she asked and he ended up giving me one and then drove 30 min to her place to plant them for her. Her and her husband are friends of ours and I feel really close with her but something in me felt weird he did that? How do I overcome this because I feel really immature.
My partner is a pretty generous guy and will go out of his way for anyone. He’s done this a couple times with a few of our friends and I’m mostly cool about it but today it irked me and seems to mostly irk me when it’s for other women. We have 2 kids under 2 and maybe I’m feeling a bit burnt out/resentful? He always tries to help in anyway he can so that’s not the issue but maybe I see it as him taking time away from us. I just feel guilty feeling like this because they’re usually our friends.
Tldr; my partner did a nice thing for another woman and it bothered me
7 comments
Driving an hour to do that seems like a bit much. Is he doing enough around the house? Taking the load off and still making you feel special?
You need therapy. Therapy is always and forever the answer to every single one of these posts about “How do I deal with my partner’s normal human interactions!?!?!”
How about if you remind yourself of all the special things he’s done for you during these difficult moments?
Is he a gardener or for some reason have special access to rose bushes that needed a home? If so, then I think you can think about this like any mundane favor — no different than if he were an accountant and helped a friend with a tax question. But if not, this is a little weird on a couple levels. First because he spent hours on a random favor for her that anyone could have done, but there’s sort of a tone that he’s doing it because he’s a man and she’s a woman. Second because roses have an inherently romantic undertone.
You don’t need therapy. You need an attuned husband who knows when he is needed at home with two toddlers Vs some chick friends who had a husband of her own. I find this behavior odd and overly generous when his own wife is feeling burned out. Sometimes there overly generous people don’t understand boundaries , if you catch my drift. Where it ends up being unkind to you, the wife at home, dealing while hed making other peoples lives easier.
If this happens alot, (husband puts other peoples wants before your needs) don’t feel crazy for being mad and setting boundaries .
That sounds off to me too. It’s too much.
My wife and I have always gone out of our way to do things and help out, etc. By the sounds of it, he’s just doing the same.
If he finds 2 Rose bushes and your friends want 1, then he gets 1 for your garden too, I see it. especially if he’s a Gardner.
Don’t get me wrong, we now have 3 kids and 2 very full on full times jobs, and let’s face it the house projects have stopped, so alot of those extras we did have stopped. It didn’t happen easily, we almost had a breakdown
Sometimes it just nice to help out your friends when you can.
As for the irk. I’d say it’s because you’re likely tired. Have an honest discussion about your workload, and if he can build it a bit more time to help.
Also, maybe lay off the projects a little. You don’t want to have the same breakdown we did.