I dated my ex from the age of 19 to about 28. We were often off and on during this time. Our relationship started started by him cheating on someone with me, which I know some people look down on, but it was a long time ago and I am not like that anymore.

When he first started dating his gf (37 f) 5 years ago, I wasn’t aware they were together yet, and I had asked if he’d like to get back together. He told me no bc he had a gf and I respected it and kept just texting and calling him as friends. Eventually about 2 years ago, he asked me to stop speaking with him bc he felt it was disrespectful to the relationship. I texted him a few times, but he was usually not very responsive, if at all. I got a new number and sent it to him a week ago. He told me the same thing again, and then even told me he doesn’t wish to speak to me anymore.

I told him he’s more than just an ex partner to me and I thought our friendship was more important than this, but I wouldn’t text anymore if that’s what he wants.

He got upset at me at this text and told me I was overstepping boundaries as he has already asked me to stop several times. That we aren’t friends any longer and I was now being disrespectful to his long-term girlfriend as well.

I’m upset and I’d still like to be his friend. I’m sure his girlfriend is behind this. What should I do about it?

Tldr: my ex asked me to stop contacting him

35 comments

  1. Your ex is right. You are violating his boundaries and disrespecting his current relationship. He is not your friend. You need to accept he doesn’t want any contact from you and leave him alone.

  2. Respect his boundaries and don’t contact him. He doesn’t want to engage at all as it’s been made clear you are the one who keeps initiating, and he has asked you to not.

    Even if you disagree with his way of handling it, he’s made it evident that he will not change his way of navigating your friendship.

    In the nicest way possible OP, please move on from this person who has made it clear they don’t want to be friends.

  3. Leave the poor guy alone.

    Men are allowed to say they want no further contact and have that respected.

  6. You should also work on why you need this “friendship.”

    Consider cultivating healthy friendships for yourself.

  7. You need to leave him alone, like he’s told you multiple times. It doesn’t matter what you want. He does not want any contact with you.

  9. You missed your chance for an open conversation about this topic, you should have done it when he first asked. Instead, you ignored his boundaries repeatedly. That’s not a great thing to do to anyone, let alone someone you want to keep as a friend.

    I’m sorry that you lost a friend, but you should do the right things and respect his boundaries, no matter who you think enforced those boundaries.

  10. He’s told you to stop contacting him and you are not respecting his boundaries. He’s made it very clear that he no longer wants a relationship with you in any way and it’s just basic human decency to respect his wishes and leave him alone. Nothing you say to him is going to change this. Be a good human and respect the boundaries of others.

  11. Stop contacting him. He’s asked you repeatedly not to and you are overstepping boundaries. He’s also shown many signs he isn’t interested in keeping up a friendship. Doesn’t matter that you may want to be friends. (By the way, you continuing to violate his boundaries is not how a friend treats another friend).

  12. You are overstepping boundaries and you need to respect these. This guy is over you and wants to move on. You seem to still have feelings for this guy (and he knows it) and he doesn’t want to encourage them further by continuing contact with you.

    “I’m sure his girlfriend is behind this”- No, your Ex wants to move on. Don’t blame his current GF for this, your Ex would have moved on regardless. It is quite rare for Exes to stay friends forever, most people naturally move on with their lives at some point or another.

  13. Any person you know is allowed to say “I don’t want to talk to you any more”

    Why do you not respect his choices?

  14. What’s so difficult to understand? He’s asked you to stop contacting him, so stop

  17. So hear me out….. maybe, just maybe…… stop contacting him . Idk just a thought.

  18. You’re 42 and ostensibly have more life experience than a teenager. You seem to have a good handle on the English language. So why then, are you finding it so difficult to understand his very simple request of no contact and continue to harass this man?

    Why do you think your feelings of wanting to stay in contact and be friends trumps his feelings of NOT wanting that?

    And your idea in comments of contacting him while he’s at work so his GF isn’t around? Psycho.

    This is borderline stalker behavior. Stop. When someone asks you to stop, you stop.

  19. You have proven that you don’t give a shit if a man is in a relationship when you go after them. Just like he has proven he can’t be trusted with you. Of course you are always going to be the person who gets cut off in any relationship.

  22. He’s told you want he wants, respect his choice. If his girlfriend is being controlling that’s his problem to sort out not yours. He’s being respectful to his girlfriend either on his own or at her wish. Either way it doesn’t matter. He is not your friend, doesn’t matter how much you wish differently. Move on.

    And yes you having feelings for him matters to him and his girlfriend. It is perfectly normal and not at all controlling if she is not comfortable with him being in contact with an ex who’s expressed that she wants him back. You need to get over him.

  23. LEAVE. HIM. ALONE
    My gosh, it really doesn’t get much more pathetic than this.
    It’s not his gf, it’s him. He’s not interested in continuing to keep in touch with a person from his past. Stop.

  24. You should stop contacting him? If you don’t suffer from developmental delay, this shouldn’t be hard to grasp at 42 after years of being told so clearly.

    This man isn’t your friend anymore, don’t contact him ever!

  25. He said you were overstepping and crossing the boundaries he put up. Leave him alone and move on.

    You wouldn’t want someone in your life who couldn’t respect your boundaries either.

  27. tl;dr You are not friends. He is serious about his current relationship and you are someone he does not want to associate with anymore. He is building a family, and that means putting his family first. It is part of being an adult – generally, you find a good partner in your twenties, work on building your family in your thirties and forties, launch children and start to reconnect in your fifties, retire together in your sixties, and grow old together surrounded by loving family into your dotage. The vows include “forsaking all others” and that means previous failed relationships and former friends who don’t understand that there is rarely time for them as one spends time with their family.

    It is sad, really. An entire generation watched television sitcoms and assumed “friends are forever” when paid actors performing roles for a few seasons with catchy tunes pretended that life cycles didn’t matter. Good luck.

  28. Girl, what. Leave him alone. He doesn’t want you in his life, and the fact you jump to it being his gf controlling this narrative is wild. Does the gf not like you contacting him? If she know, then yes I’m sure she doesn’t. But he is being a normal, respectful partner by stopping contact with you. You need to look inward or get professional help to talk through this so you can move on as well.

  30. What part of NO don’t you understand? He doesn’t want to be your friend, period .

  32. You sound crazy! Leave him alone. Go find someone else who is available. You still sound like a cheater even when you said you changed, you actions show different.

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