I’ve had severe social anxiety and anxiety in general for all my life and have been working on it a lot recently. I’ve been improving in some areas but others have remained static. I’ve noticed that I’m often talked over by other people when I try to say something- I’ll only get a word or a few out before someone else in the conversation says something over me. I’m sort of quiet and my voice is monotone, but it’s not inaudible; I know they can hear me because sometimes they’ll stop and say “oh sorry” or “what were you going to say” and let me speak. I wouldn’t actively talk to someone who’s rude or wouldn’t care what I have to say, so that isn’t the issue either.
In addition to this, sometimes when I want to say something I simply can’t. In my head, I’m screaming and yelling at myself to talk, yet nothing comes out except maybe a letter of two. And if I think too hard about talking, too much time in the silence has passed and it would be a little late and therefore awkward to say what I wanted or the conversation would move on. It feels like I’m getting strangled and choked on my own thoughts. It’s an internal battle with myself to say a simple sentence sometimes.
TLDR: Because I sometimes struggle to speak at all, getting cut off by others is especially frustrating. Why does this happen? Is it just a normal part of conversation or am I doing something wrong?
28 comments
Wow, I can so relate with your experience
I can relate to you on that heavily. I don’t like talking in groups of more than 2-3 people because of this. I am always being talked over as well. Even with my friends! My voice is a quiet-normal voice and it does not project far or loud. If I start talking and somebody else cuts me off, there’s a 99% chance they are talking louder than me so nobody can hear the rest of what I’ve said, attention all goes to the person who cut me off. It’s frustrating especially because I work in a loud work place, I’ll be talking to a coworker then another coworker will come walking in and start talking and it’s like I was never talking at all. Lol.
It’s very frustrating. Knowing this about myself and knowing how great of a listener I am and how courteous I am to others speaking, makes me seek out more people like myself. I prefer the quieter people to be honest. I don’t bother starting a conversation with a habitual cutter offer, and when I am in a situation where I’m cut off I try not to let it bother me because it just shows that they are not courteous of everyone’s communication and just want to hear themselves talk. I don’t look up to those people so it doesn’t bother me as much anymore.
Maybe you’re quite quiet and they struggle to hear you? Or they could just be rude. Either way you have to speak louder and make an effort to be heard. It sucks and often helps when you’ve got a more extroverted friend to stand up for you, but some people are just noisy!!
Looking for an answer too.. i also had social anxierty whole life and didnt get to train my social muscle.. i guess its just abt practising and not caring what other thinks but easier said than done
When people cut you off, speak up. Say, “Excuse me, I wasn’t finished.” Or just keep talking over them.
Idk I have this all the time and I see other people do it too. It’s just a thing that happens when several ppl talk.
Blurts.
I wouldn’t let it bring you down too much. As in, brush it off.
This happens in my friend group a lot. We are all neurodiverse so most of us aren’t great at timing. We found it easier to hang out in smaller groups instead of one big one. On special occasions when we are all together, we tend to divide ourselves into smaller groups and rotate around to socialize with everyone. It can get really frustrating, but I suggest either hanging in smaller groups or at the very least talking to your friends about it and how you feel about it. They probably don’t notice what they’re doing. Communication is key in all relationships.
If you find yourself cutting off others then its normal part of conversation. Dont allow someone to interrupt every time you speak tho.
My friend does that to me all the time. It usually happens when we’re on the phone. So, when she does that, I stay quiet. Then, she’s like, “Hello?” She thinks we got cut off.
I am from a big family in New Jersey…we all talk loud and over each other and I didn’t realize I talked over people as it was normal to me. I have learned to not do that to people so it’s not you it’s us. Sorry
Many people have the habit of talking over others. This is not your problem-it is their problem. Sometimes when people are talking over you it is fun to continue talking non-stop so that they feel you are taking over them. Try it out next time.
I’m an extremely extroverted person and I have ADD so sometimes I feel like I have to say something when it makes sense or I’ll forget if I don’t BUT I realized I was being rude to people and so I’ve done 3 things-
1. Take a breath and let people speak
2. Write down my important thoughts so I don’t forget and I can actively listen
3. Apologize-“I am sorry, I am so rude, I didn’t mean to cut you off. I’m bad about that and trying to get better. Please finish what you’re saying.”
I think you’re wise enough to tell when people just suck or if it was an accident. Start there and weed the rude people out. Also, pick one or two friends to advocate for you in a group when this happens. Talk to them beforehand and ask if they’ll help you. It’ll make everything smoother until you don’t need the help ♥️
Just don’t talk to talk, talk like you own the convo, like you mean it, talk so that everyone has your complete attention. The reason people interrupt according to me is because they either cannot connect properly with what you’re saying, or they find your convo boring. I have also faced this at times, but not as regularly.
You need to keep it interesting, radiate energy with your voice!
And if in case someone does interrupt, I simply talk over them and finish what I was saying.
“Excuse me, can I finish?” I’ve struggled on both ends of this. I was always the one who had people interrupt and talk over me, and somehow started doing the same to others (never feeling heard and thinking I’d forget what I wanted to add to the conversation). I learned to go back to my previous ways of fully listening to what someone was saying before speaking. I knew how much I hated when others did it to me and realized how rude it is, and I didn’t want to be that rude person. One other thing I observed is that most of the folks who do it tend to struggle with adhd/add and don’t mean to be rude. That’s when you pull them aside and have a heart to heart convo.
I also used to suffer from social anxiety to the point where my head would shake if I was too anxious and you could also hear my voice shake. I think this resulted from me being the youngest of my siblings and always being told to be quiet, or that I should stop talking because I’m too young. Through time all that’s really helped me was talking to my s/o, he’s really good at debating and he’s taught me how to be more aggressive and less passive aggressive when it comes to certain conversations. I have a really soft voice that people can’t hear often but when I speak louder and more confidently people will always listen.
I have/had a similar problem. I often have trouble saying “excuse me” (or something along those lines) when people are in the way. One thing I’ve found helps is practicing regulating how loud your voice is. I’d often get to nervous to raise my voice fearing that it would be to loud, practicing my preferred tone has made me somewhat more comfortable using my voice.
Its simply because you aren’t projecting your voice properly/ not sounding certain. Alot of the time people don’t mean to interrupt or talk over, its a human habit thats can occur as they get excited to share or carried away. Hope this helps OP
I love when I say a joke and it goes over everyone head then it’s repeated by someone verbatim in the next line and people laugh. I really will never ever get this one
I have this problem, too. I feel like an extra, NPC or whatever, in a sitcom/video game.
I just stopped trying. Unless it’s critically important, otherwise, too bad so sad you ain’t getting my input. “People” suck.
One on one is fine, individuals are cool…
(I just figured they aren’t hearing me and I’m not going to yell and scare them off.)
i relate to this so much. one thing that i think might help is not being courteous to people like this and don’t stop talking when they cut you off. a lot of the times i’ll just stop mid sentence and let them speak but being more assertive and finishing your sentence even if they’re still talking could build more confidence. good luck!
I speak quietly and people overtalk me frequently. I take two approaches:
Saying “May I (please) finish?”, that is often quite successful;
or Just going silent. Sometimes I couple my silence with looking intently at the person that just interrupted. Often they will stop.
After you get the floor back, make a point to *not* look at the interruptor as you speak (if in a group), it subtly sends the message that they did something wrong. Not kidding.
Some advice I’ve read suggests instead that you *just keep talking*, ignoring the interruptor. And I think that can be an effective technique also.
It can help to raise your voice a little if you choose to either keep talking or say “May I finish?”. It sends the message that they are being rude.
I also sometimes think that if people *really* wanted to hear what I have to say, they will listen,, so if a person interrupts me, then they weren’t listening anyway and don’t deserve to hear what I have to say! If a person does it regularly, and despite my efforts to reclaim the floor, they become ‘not my friend’.
If someone interrupts another person in the group, you can interject with “Hold on, let them finish.” to make it clear that interrupting is not something you’ll tolerate for *other* people either. Very effective.
I also make a point to listen carefully to what others say, and not sit there planning what I’m going to say next,, but just listen to them and wait until they finish naturally. Sometimes even using ‘active listening’ techniques to summarize a bit of what they said back to them.
When people feel heard, they sometimes start to listen better themselves.
When you get interrupted mid-sentence, do not stop. Either keep going, or repeat previous words again but a bit louder and then keep going, or say “let me finish”. But do not stop.
Since you mention your speech difficulties, check out three speech impediments: stutter, cluttering and expressive aphasia and see if your symptoms match. Once you know if you actually have a speech impediment and which type, you can get the right help for your speech issues.
Now, whether you have a speech impediment or not, it’s not ok to be talked over so often during your pauses. You need to indicate you’re not finished. There are several ways to indicate that and people usually combine one or two of these:
* uttering a filler word like “um…” or “like…”
* body language that conveys unfinished (watch John Hendrickson’s interviews for an extreme example of this)
* eyes looking somewhere other than anyone’s face or chest (watch Tom Hiddleston’s interviews)
* rising intonation (valley girls)
Wait for them to finish talking and then resume what you were saying while completely ignoring whatever they said to interrupt you.
There is a YouTube channel called Charisma on Command and they have an episode about this- basically says when someone interrupts you don’t let them, finish your point and it helps show people you respect yourself and they should too. Like, kind of act like they didn’t interrupt you, or you can make it into a joke.
you need to find your voice, my friend 🙂 Lucky for you there is a solution to this common problem!
There is a science to speaking; getting the confidence, articulating ideas clearly in your head, breathing correctly, maintaining eye contact, using hand gestures, etc. to become an effective speaker.
I would highly recommend joining your local (free) Toastmasters club to get started asap.
[https://www.toastmasters.org/](https://www.toastmasters.org/)
This is my greatest struggle. I am ALWAYS interrupted when I speak. When I decide to keep to myself, then I get bombarded with “You don’t talk much, do you?”
The best part is when I am talking with someone and another person will literally run across the room to hop into the conversation. It’s rough and I understand you.
I found that my colleague who doesn’t communicate well and never gets to the point is often talked over by others
I wish I knew. I feel for you bc it happens to me also. I have adhd and I often think it has to do with how I start to speak or rattle on, but then I also boil it down to others peioles rudeness or they just don’t care enough to hear what I have to say. Makes for a lonely situation sometimes. Even in a crowded room.