My(23F) boyfriend (29M) starts telling me things like “so those people wrote me and offered me this thing that I find a bit shady…etc” And just continues to tell me the story, meanwhile I don’t know wat those people are and wat context that offer was made in (it was a job offer).
And bcuz I asked him to tell me wat is he talking about I am interupting he’s story. He does this a lot, he gets he’s head in the clouds and then all of the sudden he can start speaking to me without any context like talking wat ideas he has or new things he learned about some software, but doesn’t give me any context like wat software or on wat topic he has ideas on, he does have ADHD and I noted many times that without context it feels like I have to predict wat is he talking about and if I don’t ask for it he will continue talking without providing the context. It feels like conversation like that would be just as successful if he was talking to air, and after I told him that he act like I am making drama out of nothing. But I feel like just a dump for random sentences without even needing my input, and if it is so that’s okay, but then I still would like to know when he just wants to vent he’s taughts and when do I have to take him seriously.
I am at a loss. I try to explain that even if I interupt (admitting my fault) I am very sorry and that yes it is sometimes a bad habit, even though he admitted before that he gets lost in he’s taught and talks without context before, he refuses to se it as an issue and legitimate reason to interrupt. Really if I could just know the context I would understand the conversation better at the end of it, but it feels like I’m just listening to words, just words, that I cannot comprehend
Am I being rude to interupt to ask wat is the context?
Tl;dr
My boyfriend starts conversation without providing context.
4 comments
You’re not being rude and you’re bf needs to start trying harder with this situation. Don’t apologize for interrupting since it’s not your fault
> he act like I am making drama out of nothing.
Does he usually dismiss you? You are important too and deserve to be heard and respected.
I would talk to him about how you want to communicate better. Perhaps instead of interrupting, you can make a hand signal that says “I have no idea what you are talking about, can you provide context?” Or you can wait until he pauses or asks you a question and you can say “I don’t understand the context. What are you talking about?”
This is definitely an ADHD thing, but it’s no skin off his nose to go “Oh, whoops, sorry, let me back up a sec” when you point it out. Him getting mad about it is a choice.
You’re not at fault; you are helping by asking him to slow down and add the missing parts. If he does this with you it’s likely he’s doing this with others. Others, that are important to his work, his social life, and his general well-being. You are helping him to develop skills that strengthen and enrich all of his relationships. When he’s not “off in the clouds” see if you two can come to some understanding that lessens the feelings of frustration for both of you. “I value your thoughts and really want to explore them with you. I need some extra cues or information to help me get on the same page. I know it can be frustrating when I don’t keep up but that’s not my intention. Is there a way that I can signal to you that I’m lost in the conversation that doesn’t cause you to feel irritated?” Tons of really great books on ADHD and relationships that help with strategies for improving communication. Be patient, it can get better.