I (24M) met a girl (24F) last fall, but we weren’t really friends or even interacted with each other until the beginning of this year, when she randomly texted me wishing me a Happy New Year. Since then, we started becoming better friends.
At first, we would just text every few days and hang out maybe like a few times a month. In the last couple months though, we’ve been texting everyday and hanging out 1-4 times a week. She’ll frequently just send me random updates about her day, and it seems like she hangs out with me more than she does with a lot of her other closer friends that she’s known for a lot longer.
I didn’t really think much of it because she’s just a very social person, but some of my friends have been telling me most girls don’t text and hang out with a guy this much if they’re not even just a little bit romantically interested.
I’m not sure how true that is because aside from the frequent texting and hanging out, she very rarely does anything to show that she’s interested. However, she did mention one time to me that when she’s interested in a guy, she’s usually really shy about showing it and tries her best to act normal/not show her feelings, and there has been the very occasional flirty text, but that could honestly be just me overthinking things.
I want to know how she feels, but I don’t want to make our friendship weird by just asking her out of the blue if she has feelings for me in case I’m just completely misreading the situation. I’m unsure of my feelings for her myself, but I do know that I really like her as a friend and really enjoy talking and spending time with her.
Does anyone have any advice on how or if I should find out her feelings for me?
TLDR: Been texting and hanging out with a girl almost everyday, unsure if she has feelings and want to find out without making things weird.
2 comments
She told you outright how she behaves when she’s interested in someone, and it doesn’t match how she behaves with you. That’s about as obvious a sign as you can get that she’s not into you romantically.
She’s enjoying your friendship.
First, you have to sort out your own feelings on this. Forget everything else. Whether she’s interested in you or not, would *you* want to date her?
Dig deep if you have to, and come up with an honest answer, because all decisions flow from it.
If no, then don’t ask her about her feelings, and drop hints that you’re interested in others, express interest in other women, that kind of thing. Once or maybe twice would be enough. Maybe she could even help you with your dating.
If yes, then it’s *on you* to express that interest to her. If you want someone to be honest with you, the best way to do that is by leading yourself with honesty first.
Let her know you’ve really enjoyed your time together, and you’re starting to think of this more like dating. Would she be interested in that?
Then wait for her answer. If yes, great! If no, then be gracious and understanding to both her and yourself.
If she says no, can you stay friends? If you feel like that’s possible, then continue as normal.
If she says no and you need a break from her to get over it, let her know that. Don’t make promises about the future, just let her know you need some time to yourself, that’s ok!
What I hear in your post is your desire to hedge your bets and reduce the risk of rejection, and/or sort through your own feelings.
*Do not base your desire to date her on whether you think she does or not. You’re not a passive person in this. Decide first: are you interested, or not?*
FWIW, it sounds like you two already have some good compatibility, and that’s encouraging. Sometimes, feelings aren’t necessarily on/off like “I want to date this person” or “I don’t want to.” Sometimes it’s more of a spectrum of feelings, like “I’m increasingly feeling like we could date” until it becomes “I’d like to give this a try.”
So sort yourself out before you talk to her (or don’t).
Good luck!