The series of arguments started when I questioned how my boyfriend handles women at his job hitting on him. He is a bartender and I recently saw him on an Instagram story of a mutal from high school where he was taking a shot with her and her group of girl friends in the clip. I admit I got very insecure and defensive at the moment but he assured me it was only because they paid for the shots and asked him
if he wanted one. He said it was not a big deal and it was one of their birthdays. I would’ve found this easier to believe if a friend of mine hadn’t told me a few months before that he gave her a free drink right in front of me and at one point months before gave him her number. I later found out this girl was lying about the free drink and he said he texted her to clarify he was talking to someone (exclusive with no title) and therefore not interested.
Fast forward to last night he comes over to talk because he is upset I didn’t visit him at work Saturday night. I didn’t get the chance to because I had prior commitments that took up my night. I was with two of my best girlfriends that entire night and we didn’t get a chance to stop by the bar he worked at. We were both upset about it so we decided he should come over to talk about it the next night. The argument quickly escalated. We first argued about the girls in the insta story. He said they payed for all of the drinks and he only took a shot with them because it was one of their birthdays and they asked/payed for it. So I decided my insecurities lied more in the girls who were posting him rather than my boyfriend who was doing his job. Then he immediately asked me why I didn’t visit him Saturday night, where I was and who I was with. I told him the truth, which was that I was with my two best friends and we hit two other bars before and didn’t make it to the one he worked at even though we had planned on visiting him.
After I told him this I thought the conversation was over, but out of nowhere he asked to see my phone. I was so nervous. After arguing with him a bit he said “let me see your Snapchat” and I showed him. I told him before he went through it “I know you’re not going to like what you’re about to see but I still talk to my ex and it’s platonic.” He kept checking dates and we don’t talk much but we kept a Snapchat streak and when we texted a few months ago I said “love youuuuu” which really upset my boyfriend.
Me and my boyfriend had not put a label on our relationship until very recently and the last time I saw my ex was over a year ago. Me and my now boyfriend were seeing each other for about 5 months at that point (May 2022) but there were no boundaries, labels or anything. Granted we were acting exclusive we just never had the official discussion. We didn’t even make things official until after new years 2023.
He still talks to his ex girlfriend but he says that’s valid and I believe him because she helps him with taxes and adult business. I excused my platonic relationship with my ex because I knew there was occasionally contact between him and his ex. Granted he was more honest about the contact and I should’ve been as well. I don’t know if I was emotionally cheating. A couple months ago, my ex texted me and asked if I’d like to go to dinner with him. I told him thank you but I was seeing someone and I didn’t want to mess things up. I also told him I appreciated how friendly things had been between us.
Either way I regret it and I blocked my ex on everything after the argument with me and my boyfriend, because my platonic relationship with my ex was not that meaningful to begin with. He, my ex ,asked why I blocked him on everything, through text, and I didn’t respond and blocked his number as well. I don’t want anything to do with him if it is going to get in the way of my current relationship. I love my boyfriend and would do anything to stay with him and find ways we can both improve.
What should I do? Is it possible to repair all of this? Is it something we can work through and if so how. I would really appreciate any feedback. Thank you.
TL;DR
My boyfriend is upset that I didn’t disclose the platonic relationship between my ex and I. We keep a snapchat streak and have texted but he knows I am seeing someone and I enjoyed our friendly interactions. I’ve since blocked him on everything because the relationship my boyfriend and I have is far more important and I want to fix things.
8 comments
This is a whole mess of people being insecure, jealous and not communicating.
You got mad at him for the very same things you were doing so I don’t know how you can be surprised he reacts the very same way you did or would
It’s not that hard, don’t talk to other men when you have a boyfriend. Just give him a sincere apology and make him trust you.
Your mistake was not being straight about talking to your ex. Your boyfriend told you he was talking to his ex so you could decide if that was acceptable. You didn’t tell him and now he can’t trust you.
I guess I’m seeing this in a different light, but I am from an older generation. It seems to me that your boyfriend is a bit unreasonable. It’s not uncommon that people speak to their ex-spouses, ex-boyfriends, for normal reasons. Just watch out to see if he becomes controlling. Again, I’m in my 60s and sm not as familiar with current dating protocols.
nah, let this KING walk
I personally would’ve also walked out of that relationship seeing the same thing
This is a great lesson for you about open and forthright communication. I think your ex overreacted in just dumping you, and that is a sign of emotional immaturity. I also think that you hiding speaking to your ex is a sign of emotional immaturity. However, you are 22 and he is 30. At your age you are still learning about romance and partnerships. At his age, he should have learned to be more even keeled.
ETA- it’s also really concerning that he just EXPECTS you to visit him at his work and thinks that you not doing that means you are being shady. Unless he was texting you to ask where you were and you didn’t reply or something like that, your behavior that evening was fine.
It’s funny how it started with you voicing your concerns and then that turned into him getting upset that you didn’t visit him at work because apparently you have to do that instead of spending time with your friends and then telling you he needs to go through your phone because he doesn’t trust you if you don’t hang out at his workplace for a night. You’re young and you’ll recover from this, for your next relationship get someone closer to your own age.