What am I supposed to do to be emotionally available again?
I was in a LDR for over two years. The longest relationship I’ve ever been in (I’m F22). It’s been 4 months now, and I’m not looking for a relationship right now, and I know it’s quite soon, but just thinking about dating someone again makes my skin crawl. Being vulnerable, just opening up like I did with him makes me utterly afraid. Does anyone has any advice? Apart from taking time to hopefully try to heal myself.
TL;DR So, what can I do to be emotionally available again, or at least to not be so afraid to be vulnerable with someone again?
5 comments
I was single for a year before I met my husband. Don’t push yourself.
I was mostly single for 4 years till I met my current partner. It’s easy to see dating someone as “on-track to success” and being single as “failing”. That is imprinted on us through TV and movies and social media, etc. We’ve been lied to.
Being single is like 1000x better than being in a bad relationship. Just focus on the person you want you to be, not what others want you to be.
Consider therapy if you want to hear advice from a professional who’s been trained on how to become vulnerable with people. Listen to talks/interviews of Brene Brown, she is a huge advocate of vulnerability, her thesis is basically that vulnerability is the key to successful and happy relationships.
What have you been doing for the past four months? Trying new hobbies? Focusing on friendships? Maybe building new friendships? It does not sound like you’re interested in dating right now, and that’s okay. Down the road, someone will likely come along and you’ll feel a spark or some sort of connection and those negative relationship feelings you currently have will begin to vanish.
Take lots of time being single and nurturing your friendships. I think you will naturally be more open to being vulnerable/emotionally available over time and don’t need to do much to force it.
>So, what can I do […] to not be so afraid to be vulnerable with someone again?
The neat thing about feelings is you can have them without listening to them. You can do the healthy thing even if it’s scary.