UPDATE: I (25f) think my boyfriend (28m) is negging me and I don’t know what to do

We broke up.

He was planning on going on a trip with his dad and would be gone for the week. Before this trip, I asked him so many times about what was going on in his head. I told him that I felt that he has been really mean to me lately, and also just way less affectionate nor was he wanting to spend time with me. He made up some excuses about being super stressed and having a lot of stuff on his plate and dealing with some mental health stuff. I was silly and let it go. Though, there was also something I left out from the first post. He has a female friend that I was getting suspicious of.

Very recently, he was making weird excuses to not spend time with me. Before, he allowed me to come and go in his home as I pleased. Often times, I would come over after getting off work and climb into bed while he was asleep. Or I would come over before he got off work to make food for him, or literally go and get some sleep. But recently, he started making me text (and told me specifically to text, not call) to make sure he’s awake. He was really weird and protective of his phone all of a sudden, too. He would hold his phone in weird ways so I couldn’t accidentally glance over and read whatever it is he was looking at. He also specifically would not answer her when she called but would answer other people in front of me. One of the last days we spent together, he told me this girl asked him to help move and told me he didn’t want to. Then an hour later, he told me that suddenly she’s expecting him. And then when I got upset, he told me that he had wanted to go in the first place because she’s going through a horrible break up with her partner and he wants to be there for safety reasons. He later told me that he had to play mediator for her and her partner.

I recently spoke with this girl as we worked together (because all three of us are coworkers, great, I know lol). She doesn’t know that we’re dating. He had told me that she was gay. But she told me that she preferred men but was bisexual. Also, she mentioned the day that he left to help her. Her partner only showed up as he was leaving. There was no fighting. He was there with this girl alone the entire time. She mentioned that she was seeing a guy. When she described him, it sounded like she was describing him.

It all seemed too fishy, and as someone who has been cheated on many times before, it all just seemed too coincidental. So I confronted him. He first avoided the question, instead saying that we needed to sit and have important conversations. And then told me that he wasn’t cheating, but never addressed the inconsistencies in his story and her story. He instead just broke up with me. But refused to give a concrete answer to it. He danced around all the questions I had giving me vague answers and repeatedly saying he would rather sit down in person. He got offended when I told that I would rather not interact with him in person ever again. I feel like for my own mental well being, sitting down with him and listening to him would be a really bad idea. I feel like I would not get closure, and I feel like it’s best for me to just let go and move on. Closure would be nice, but I am 100% okay with never getting it.

It’s been a few days since this happened and I’m already starting to feel better. It’s hard and i have moments of feeling sad, and angry, and confused. But reflecting on our relationship, I realized I romanticized the hell out of him and looked away from red flags that I shouldn’t have. I realized I was changing who I was, dimming myself for him to feel comfortable. I hid away the passions that he found weird, and even dressed up a whole lot less because he didn’t like it. I went to concerts, and went to fun little events, and spent so much time in nature and I stopped doing that for him. I stopped everything that made me happy so that I could focus on him and his happiness. I was pouring time, love, and energy into a black hole that was going to eventually swallow me up.

I still think he was cheating on me. It’s all too weird. I feel like if he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have broken up with me as this is the only time I’ve ever confronted him about something like that. It’s not like I was constantly accusing him of cheating. In fact, I avoided ever asking for reassurance (even when I desperately needed it) because exes in the past have told me that it’s super annoying. He never explained why the things he’s told me about her are completely different than what he’s told me.

My friend wants me to confront the other girl and let her know what’s going on but I just want to silently move on and work on healing. I feel like I would be dragging this out longer than it needs to be. I also am afraid he would manipulate her in a way that would make her not believe me and not want to tell me anything anyway.