My grandma lives out of state and I haven’t seen her in almost a year. She is flying to Las Vegas for a work conference and thought it’d be a good opportunity for us to visit her for a couple of days since airfare is cheaper and it’s right between our states. She expressed she just wants it to be a girls trip, her husband is staying home too.
I told my boyfriend I moght get to go see her and he asked if he could come. I said no because it’d just be a family thing and we frankly don’t have the money for him to go too. He got really upset, has stormed out on me and is anxious. Saying he won’t be able to sleep when i’m gone, i’ll be causing him emotional distress, and he’s upset he wasn’t invited. He just stormed out on me and is acting really upset.
I feel like it’s not that big of a deal. Maybe i’m not aware of how bad vegas is or something? He’s never been either though. We’d just be staying at a hotel and sightseeing. No gambling or partying.
How should I proceed? My instinct is to just continue with making the plans and try to put his mind at ease (although i know i can’t). I just want to see my grandma. And have some fun with her and my sister.
22 comments
You should go. Its family. Never let someone else dictate what you can and cannot do. I wish I would have learned this sooner in life. He might throw a bitch fit but he will get over it. If he doesnt, then you might need to think about things.
>Saying he won’t be able to sleep when i’m gone, i’ll be causing him emotional distress
Then he needs to get help for his mental health. That’s not a *you* problem.
He’s allowed to be a little bummed that he can’t go, but he shouldn’t be taking it out on you.
Forget about the boyfriend. I have no idea what he’s upset about so just ignore him. The main issue is that you’re going to Vegas and not gambling. At least play 20$ on slots or something
He’s obviously worried you’re going to do something naughty while he’s away.
If my partner went to Vegas with their sister, frankly I’d be annoyed if they acted like a bunch of nuns (give me the ticket and I’ll be more than happy to party down with my friends lol).
Tell him to take a chill pill and visit a strip club while you’re out. If he can’t accept you’re a human with their own desires to have a good time then this is not going to work long term.
It’s understandable that you want to visit your grandma and have a girls’ trip with your sister. Your boyfriend’s reaction is not healthy or reasonable, and it’s not your responsibility to manage his emotions.
It’s important to communicate to him that you understand he may be feeling upset or anxious, but his reaction is not fair to you. You can offer reassurance that you will stay in touch while you’re away and make plans to spend quality time together when you return. It’s also important to set boundaries and not allow him to guilt trip you or make you feel bad for wanting to see your family.
If he continues to be upset and unable to manage his emotions, it may be helpful for him to seek therapy or counseling to work through his anxiety and attachment issues. It’s not healthy for him to rely on you for emotional stability or to control your actions because of his own emotional distress.
It is entirely possible to go to Vegas and have a terrific time people watching, eating, going to shows, maybe some shopping. He is being ridiculous.
i believe its imporant in relationships to try reassure each others anxieties, try to find out whats making him anxious, and to try to reassure him on that. if he still is being unreasonable then thats not your problem. it sounds like he might have trust issues from previous relationship truama. and thats okay but it needs to be approached for what it is.
in my humble opinion, i wouldnt let this effect your decision on the trip. but i would also suggest trying to find a way to have him along with you on the trip and enjoying these expereinces together. i mean thats the obvious solution here.
failing that just give him a call every now an then, say in the evening or something to check in and catch up about the day, youd be suprised how reassuring and supportive that can be, thats what i would do with my partner if they were worried like that. but it might not be your guys dynamic.
I think people really don’t grasp what Vegas is. Yeah, there are strip clubs, etc. Just like in every city in America. It’s not some Roman orgy or something. When I’ve gone, for a literal bachelor party, it was gambling, eating a fuckload of food, and drinking at a couple bars. It is what you make it, and you’re literally going to be with YOUR GRANDMA
when you say “and we frankly don’t have the money for him to go too” does that mean that he doesn’t have the money to go, or that you are using money from a joint account you have with him to go.
If the first then he needs to pull his head out of his arse.
If the second – you need to not go, if YOU cannot afford to go using YOUR own money, then you don’t go on a solo trip using JOINT money.
this is a wild overreaction, he needs to work on his insecurity. that’s his job. NTA have so much fun
If this is his reaction to you going on a family trip, I can guarantee you that he’s abusive, you just don’t know what the signs are or you don’t perceive yourself as a victim. You need to have a serious think about this relationship and if it’s the kind you want to stay in.
Why are you dating a 7 year old?
I had a relationship with a guy who became very anxious and emotionally distressed any time I did anything outside of the house without him. This behaviour is toxic and unhealthy and it is either him attempting to control you, or he genuinely has extreme mental health issues. Either way, it is not acceptable, and it is not your problem.
I’ll tell you how this scenario goes, because I’ve been there: he will ruin your trip. You will spend the entire time texting or on the phone with him, either arguing or consoling him.
This relationship is not worth what it will do to your mental health, unless he commits to getting serious help for his problems and changes.
How long have you been with this guy?
Buy him a giant pacifier? Have you seriously not spent a night apart since you started dating? How did he sleep before he met you? Doesn’t he have friends that he can hang with in your absence?
Go on the trip. I hope you, your sister and grandma have a blast.
prepare yourself for more manipulation and gas lighting and learned incompetence.
watch for signs like: random sicknesses bf gets, or injuries out of the blue. “Crisis” your bf suddenly has that he NEEEDDDDDSSSS your help with. Watch out for nastiness towards your family, him accusing you of meeting someone else while there, him accusing you of gambling or other nefarious things.
These may not happen, but they might.
the closer departure time gets, the bigger his reasons for you not going are going to get.
You should proceed by being frank and telling him his actions are immature and emotionally manipulative. It is an unacceptable way to treat a partner imo. It’s also remarkably selfish–i don’t know how you communicate it’s a family thing any clearer than it already is. If he STILL can’t process it, tell him maybe he can talk to a therapist while you’re away.
Obviously, this is all quite short and likely to enrage him, but it needs to be communicated in some fashion, however sugar coated you want to be about it. This is not healthy behavior, and there is no way around that it shouldn’t be tolerated from a partner.
Wow he is really taking it out on you. Both of your are grown ups and he should be able to sleep on his own.
Go visit your grandma, OP, and have fun. Whatever issue your boyfriend has, he might need to seek a professional for it, but it isn’t your job.
I went on a cruise to the Bahamas without my significant other, time apart is just needed sometimes. I’m male by the way. I can’t spend every waking moment with someone, need time to do my own thing. Surely he can figure out something to do while you’re gone. If not that is a little unhealthy to be that attached.
Just go. And remind him that cutting you off from your family is a red flag. Sounds like he is mire self centered than abusive, maybe he needs a reminder.
Ok
This isn’t about him worrying for your safety, this is him not trusting you. Vegas is known as party central. Ever hear of the phrase “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”?
That’s why he’s having this reaction. I can guarantee it. And I absolutely think that’s insane. You going with FAMILY.
He needs to get a grip and trust you.