My wife (40f) and I (35f) are severely struggling in our marriage sexually. Are there any success stories of a rekindling of NRE in the bedroom? I’m feeling lost on how to give my wife the passion she wants and says she needs in order to make our marriage work out. We’ve seemed to lose interest in each other sexually and she’s tempted to look elsewhere. I’m not interested in looking elsewhere or in a ENM marriage.
Mostly, I just want to know if it’s possible. Or is it a matter of once you lose it, it’s pretty much gone forever. I’m almost at rock bottom here so I’m feeling like I’m fighting for my life. I’ll try anything
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What kinds of things did you do together before? Can you go on a small get away together? Figure out her love language and yours and work together to make sure both of you are actively engaged in the others.
What is NRE and ENM?
Adventures together ,find a deserted road and go exploring, find a creek to skinny dip in, have sex outside . Go to a Strip Club together . Write eachother erotic letters. Plan a romantic night of wine candles and sex on a furry blanket . Book a hotel room and fuck your brains out. Talk about things you want to do to each other then do them. Go to the Sex toy store together . Buy lingerie. Watch an erotic movie or series to get in the mood. Get Boudour Photos done for one another .Shower together, give eachother back massages that lead to sex etc. I’m not sure how it ever gets boring . I’ve been with my husband 30yrs and I have never been bored .
Going through NRE right now after 21 years together. I pulled away and started working on myself. I made myself a little less available to my wife in the process. At the same time I started listening to my wife and did little things to show her I was listening. I stayed away from grand gestures unless it was appropriate (like celebrating our anniversary). I did all of this with complete altruism and regardless of outcome.
In effect I stepped back from the marriage and started dating my wife again. During this process I’ve developed my empathy and attunement to our relationship which has only strengthened our rediscovered NRE.
Some of this might sound counterintuitive so I hope it makes sense. Also hope you can find something that helps. Good luck OP.
To get change out, you have to put change in. So change some of the inputs. One of the most obvious things people try is to change the location by going on vacation. That can help, but there are other options.
Maybe role play? Come at her like a new guy, trying to woo her away from her ‘husband.’ I tried that with my wife once, and while I was really excited about it, she didn’t get the whole idea. Party pooper. Maybe it’ll work better for you?
I think the solution is outside of the bedroom and in the relationship itself.
I’m thinking things like kindness, empathy and support layered into a dating mindset. And not dinner-and-a-movie dating, but a lifestyle. This is the many little acts of kindness and thoughtful things we do when we start out and when we have butterflies and are having fun making an impression with our partner. Don’t stop doing that. Those cute older couples we all admire *are still dating*. It’s both of them doing sweet things and other random acts of kindness to show their spouse that they are loved and that they matter.
Like what? Giving compliments daily. Saying that you’re proud of them or of something they’ve done. Getting them a drink refill. Bringing home a treat from the store. Helping them out without asking. Making a cocktail for them. Quietly taking care of little nagging things and repairs. Filling up their car. Washing their car. Surprising them with tickets to something. Checking in during the day. **Cheerfully going to things that their partner wants.** Holding hands. Gentle touches. Writing little notes. Genuine thank-yous. Adding humor wherever. Fun surprises. Playful pranks. Sending encouraging texts during the day.
Is it possible? Hell yeah it is. We got into a pretty bad funk, but we clawed back to having a super supportive life that’s been full of fun together. People who like each other this way are more interested in heading to the bedroom.
Compliment her more. Make more seductive jokes. Do the things you do when it’s new and you’re in the discovery phase. Go on adventures together.
Date your wife. What did you do in the beginning way before marriage you aren’t doing now? Examine the areas you’ve both become complacent and change it If you want that energy you’ve got to do the things that brought the energy in the first place. Honestly everyone not just OP, continue to date your spouse. The wooing, romancing and giving energy shouldn’t stop after the wedding.
Dude, start dating your wife. Never should have stopped. Do the little things. Plan date nights. Bring just because flowers. Autopilot in a marriage gets nothing in return. Engage your wife. Listen to her. Spend alone time with her as much as possible.