I recently started a new desk job in a warehouse. I sit in a cubicle with 3 other women. On Thursday one of the men (mid to late 40’s) who works in my warehouse stopped by our cubicle talking about his tattoo appointment later and I jokingly said I was jealous and itching for more tattoos myself. We chatted for a minute and he showed me a few pictures of his tattoos. I have a half sleeve that covers from my elbow up over the back of my shoulder, but since I was in a hoodie I showed him a carefully zoomed in picture from the gym (sweatpants and a modest sports bra) of the back of my shoulder and half sleeve. When I came in to work the next day, one of the women I work with warned me that that particular male coworker can get pretty creepy and to keep an eye out.
After work that day, I was telling my girlfriend about what happened and she IMMEDIATELY started yelling at me. She accused me of wanting attention. Said it was already bad enough I walk around the gym “half naked.” What really stung was her saying “I don’t know what the fuck you were thinking. And you wonder why people make assumptions about you? Do you pull all your coworkers aside to show them pictures of your body?” We were supposed to go to a friend’s place together, but she stormed off saying she didn’t need me to come with her if we were going to fight. Only to come back 15 minutes later apologizing and asking me to come hang out. I showed her the picture of my tattoos and asked her if it was worth losing her shit over. She apologized again and asked to be done with it. She got shitfaced drunk while we were at our friend’s house and went to work very hungover this morning. I’m still really hurt by what she said and her apologies from last night don’t feel like enough. I didn’t realize she hated what I wear to the gym so much, let alone that she thought I’m desperate for attention.
I feel like this argument has damaged our relationship, or at least my trust, and that there is ground to be made up for the way she acted and spoke to me. Now what?
18 comments
Yelling is not okay. But it honestly does seem pretty inappropriate for work to me and not so out of line that she called you out on it.
Is she insecure otherwise?
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Sounds like she didn’t even let you explain the picture situation before jumping to conclusions, and she probably has an issue that goes way beyond her comments, so it might be a good idea to either address it, or end the relationship because from here it sounds toxic.
Does your gf have a guilty conscious about something because that was a bit of an overreaction.
She got problems
An apology isn’t enough, she showed you who she is, believe her.
Is she always this insecure and jealous? It seems she is jealous of the three women in the cubicle, the man you showed the pics and everybody in the gym.
And that she YELLED at you is a no-go. even if you have a conflict, to yell is just no. She seems pretty toxic.
You are just one year together, the honeymoon phase is slowly over and she shows her true phase.
What are you looking for then. Other than changed behaviors, which would be hard when simply words hurt you. What are you going for?
Oh honey, why are you accepting this as what you deserve?
Your partner should lift you up. They should be kind. They should respect you and understand that it is your right to wear whatever you please at the gym.
Why does her love cost you so much?
A good therapist can help you determine if this relationship truly serves your needs or not. I suspect you already know the answer.
Love doesn’t have to be like this. ❤️
You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. You are worthy.
Your GF sounds possessive and controlling. If an apology isn’t enough for you, you don’t have to accept it.
If an apology isn’t enough, you are going to need to figure out what is enough, and then you are going to need to communicate that to your girlfriend. Don’t expect her to read your mind.
I’m glad your co-workers warned you about this guy. Here is a general piece of advice for you: it’s rarely a good idea to let things get overly personal with people you work with. If things go sideways — and they often do — it can make your work life pretty difficult. I would never show a photo like what you describe to a co-worker.
Sounds like she has a big problem and it makes sense that you don’t want to let it go yet. She said several really mean things at the same time and she needs to account for them. It’s perfectly reasonable that saying sorry isn’t enough for you.
The argument revealed 2 things.
1- in an arguement she goes for the win, not for resolution
2- she has some deep seated problems that the two of you need to hash out (if possible)
You can’t just move past it, because it’s revealed some serious problems that need to be worked through together.
If she wants to just move on, it’s possible that she’s never learned how to work through problems without it being a fight. Her fear of confrontation could have caused all these feelings to build up and then she exploded over nothing.
If you’re going to be a healthy couple, then you need to both learn to talk through hard things in a loving way. To listen even when you’re hurt. To be brave enough to face the awkward conversation. Because it’s worth the effort.
HUGE red flag, OP. how long have you been together? Has she done stuff like this before? Does she insult you when you disagree?
What do you mean, “now what?” You said an apology isn’t enough. So what would be?
If this is a deal breaker then end the relationship. If it isn’t, talk to your girlfriend and work it out.
This from another woman??? I will never understand people who try to manage their partners’ clothing choices. It speaks of so much insecurity. You didn’t know in advance that guy was creepy, you were having an honest conversation with him and showed him a photo of you in socially acceptable clothing. Your gf has some major red flags and I’d advise couples counselling to work on them.
Not everything is abuse. You are seriously hearing what sounds like a stupid little fight.
People are all crazy.
But you are right. Leave every single person who is going to hurt your feelings because it’s abuse. Without trying to find the underlying issue.
This is not abuse. She yelled at him because she felt insecure, and it has just started more recently. He either leaves every relationship or learns how to communicate better with his partner.
We have limited details from 1 side of the story.
You said this is only the 2nd time she’s ever yelled at you. Tell her you’re out if it’s a 3rd time.
Everyone is different but my last relationship made me realize, i don’t wanna be with someone who yells. Even if it’s every once in a while