i have social anxiety and it’s super hard to talk to people, even on text. anyways i texted this person and it went well but since i also have autism, i tend to say stuff that normally people wouldn’t say. i tried to be more outgoing so i asked them if they also went to my old school and such but they just left me on delivered then proceeded to reply with a negative reaction emoji… im scared because i know this is a sign they find me annoying
im not sure what to do so does anyone have any tips to not make conversations awkward? i feel like i tend to overstep boundaries without realizing 🙁 also was i being too personal with my question?
2 comments
First you have to get comfortable being yourself. Your trying too much to act how you think other people would want you to act for them to like you. But the problem is that vibes and energy can really be felt by people, when someone is genuinely being themselves, you can feel it. It’s harder to have conversations with people that are just saying what they think they need too, instead of what they actually feel.
If your outgoing and you dont say normal things, then thats not you. Everyones not gonna like you or agree with you and that’s completely fine. But I promise you it will be way easier for them to like you if you already like yourself enough to not care if they like you.
1)Forget about texting, force yourself to walk up to people in real life. Dont give yourself any time to plan what you should say because that just gives you time to think about why you shouldn’t and all the negative possibilities. This is a defense mechanism that the little voice in your head puts in place to keep you in the most comfortable situation. Its a HORRIBLE habit to pick up because it’s literally the hardest to get rid of. Your brain WANTS to feel comfortable, you have to push through those initial thoughts of doubt and force yourself to walk towards whoever you think about interacting with.
2) Once you get up to them, do what feels natural. For example, if i see a girl that has a sad or mad look on her face, i wont even introduce myself, I’ll just immediately ask her whats wrong. Even if her first reaction is “i dont even know you, thats weird”, I understand that people have trouble talking to people they aren’t comfortable with, so id just tell her something embarrassing about my day, or something personal about my past. That way she sees i let down my defensive guard, and it invites her to do the same. This works for friends too, literally ANY type of social interaction.
Basically stop caring/planning so much about how you should act. You analyze everything so you strategize the best behavior/reaction to situations so that you dont feel uncomfortable. But thats just causing you to spend more time by yourself, with the little voice in your head convincing you why it might be better to just not talk to people/genuinely engage in conversations.
Those tips on how to start friendly, lighthearted conversations with strangers you just met are pointless drivel. In reality, starting conversations is clumsy, awkward, and uncomfortable for most people, especially if you have any form of social anxiety or developmental disability.
The idea of texting someone you barely know and casually asking personal questions about where they went to school is cringeworthy and overstepping obvious boundaries. No wonder they ignored most of your messages and replied with a negative emoji, your behavior likely came across as bizarre and annoying.
You tend to overstep boundaries because you have no sense of subtle social cues or contextual awareness. You just blurt out whatever arbitrary questions pop into your head, not realizing how off-putting and intrusive that can seem to others.
The only real “tip” is to learn self-awareness of how your behavior and communication style impacts those around you. Become less self-centered in conversations and more attuned to the implicit reactions and responses of the other person. Apologize when you realize you’ve overstepped, acknowledge the awkwardness, and do better next time.
There are no easy fixes or clever conversation “starters.” Just slow down, be more perceptive, and strive to become less bizarre and annoying to those you talk with. The truth is often unpleasant, but it’s better than delusions. I hope this brutal honesty was helpful in some way.