Men of Reddit, who earlier had a hard time finding new sex partners, but not anymore – what did the trick? Was it a change in your appearance, your mindset, the people you hang out with, or your social or financial status? How do you look at your past self now?

14 comments

1. Hmmm… interesting question… I guess most of my sexual escapades occurred in college. The trick more or less was being very in shape, and somewhat social… had a Xanax problem so the anxiety of talking to woman actually was easy so that helped at the time.

   Later in life I worked at a gym, was still in shape but didn’t care as much as in college… most of the sex stuff woman from the gym hit me up for.

   Since the job I now mostly just get with woman my friends set me up with because I’m more or less done with the hookups and the crazy gym ladies lol

   Best bet is to get in shape, dress nice, take care of yourself and appearance, and just kinda show general confidence when going out and about. Highly suggest clubs/ hobbies or something of that nature rather then bars

2. I found one woman that I was compatible with and married her. Problem solved.

3. I didn’t have any real problems but I did get a bump up on mindset regarding deeper relationships.

   As far as finding more partners, I think more guys and girls just need to leave their house more and go hang out.

   Some people think their partners are supposed to wildly appear in their bedrooms at 2am or something. Not even Amazon 2 day shipping can help with that, buddy, and definitely not Tinder for a lot of you 😆

4. Qualified as a pathologist and got a job in the city morgue. I have sex every single night now

5. Lost about 35 pounds, did therapy to process some emotional abuse and feelings of unworthiness, and discovered I’m pretty talented at pleasing women. All that adds up to a lot of confidence. The new me is a fucking monster 😂

6. I think it’s just am age thing. Most girls I’ve met were into slightly older and more experienced guys.
   I’m in my late twenties now and have other things to care about than just getting laid which was my highest priority ten years ago.

   I’m happy with how I am today and comfortable spending time alone with myself. I think I’m way more genuine and women can tell and somehow that’s considered attractive.

7. I learned women are horny and want sex partners too, but guys don’t even make an effort to talk to them. I started talking to more women in real life and discovered they’re crazy horny.

8. I got older. I look pretty young, so when i was 20 and looked 14, no one was interested. Then when I reached my mid 20s/early 30s dating became a breeze, because I finally started to resemble someone who was over 20.

   For a while I felt guilty that only younger women would date me, but I don’t care anymore. Especially when, at 31, a 26 year old told me she thinks I’m “too young for her”.

   So yeah, looking too young, as a guy… not ideal.

   Edit: currently 36, dating a 27 year old. For the curious.

9. Well, I just started paying for them. Works for me! 😎

10. Changed from lanky teen to man. It makes a difference.

11. I got older

12. Through the mid 90s you basically had no choice but to meet someone in person and hope you just clicked, or could have decent conversation with. Then Yahoo Personals was there to make it all way easier. Before online personals, I was in my mid 20s and had only been with 5 women by 1997. After online personals that number was up to 20 by 2000 and 42 by 2002 when I met my wife. But this was also before social media, so I sorta hit the sweet spot with not having to work too hard for someone’s attention. A simple email or IM notification was plenty for them. Then picture scanning came later and that was a game changer for getting more women.

13. Kinda weird how the only actionable things I see in the replies are to exercise and yet I’ve never been significantly overweight in my life and have been mostly invisible. There’s nothing about technically where to go or how to meet all of these “horny women” lol.

    And if you go to the askwomen subs, pretty much anything a guy does in an attempt to meet women is “creepy”. Talk about mixed messages, Lol.

14. I started to not care about sex, and instead strive for connection. While abroad for a year in a foreign country, there were very few english speakers and meeting someone I liked talking to whether I was attracted to or not, was rare for me.

    I started to appreciate the feeling of simply going for dinner with someone, or having a lovely conversation all night. Once I got back to my home turf this stayed with me, and I lost the idea that JUST friends was a bad thing.

    Sitting with women and talking to them about relationships, and eventually anything at all meant that I started learning a lot about women, about myself, and what I thought was important.

    Eventually I ended up in love with people, and getting to know them, and if someone didn’t want to sleep with me that didn’t matter if that’s what they wanted. I would try and find the best place for us to fit into each others lives, and sometimes that would be friends, sex-friends, or love. Sometimes it would be as strangers.

    But when you don’t want it unless it’s right for the other person too, people seem to feel safe and appreciated, and one thing can lead to another and back again.