There is something about me that attracts the exact opposite of what I want.
I attract really intense men who want to get married yesterday, ask to move in together after 3 dates, propose quickly, etc. Men who get swept away quickly and love bomb, men who are in love with love. They are very pushy and move quickly and try to force the relationship along rather than letting it happen naturally. They are very needy and clingy and constantly shower me with attention or demand attention, shower me with gifts to the point where I feel like they’re trying to buy my love, and are really overkill with affection and affectionate phrases and I love yous. Some of this sounds nice, maybe, for the right person? But they also end up being suffocating and controlling, codependent, don’t respect boundaries, and other undesirable traits. I am a very independent person. I need a lot of space to breathe, and I’m not really a romantic type (or at least, I want a more grounded relationship rather than this head in the clouds romance).
I have been dealing with this problem for over a decade now, and I feel like I have made very little progress. I know how to spot these men better, and I know how to break up with them quickly, but I still exclusively attract these types. This has been a problem for me whether I was dating a 20 year old at 19 or a 37 year old at 29, or anything in between, the age range doesn’t seem to matter. This has been a problem regardless of ethnic and cultural background. This has been a problem in long term relationships, or even if I just go on one date with a guy they immediately become obsessed and harass me (bordering on stalkerish behavior). Even if I go out somewhere and a guy asks me out and we exchange numbers, I’ll get all these lovey dovey paragraphs texted to me about how I am the love of their life and I’m not allowed to leave them before we even go on a date. I have friends who attract the literal opposite-only aloof men that don’t give them attention. Why can’t an aloof man be interested in me, for once? Or someone more balanced?
I am the common denominator 🙁 I am in therapy, I was raised in a very “suffocating” way so the behavior of these men is very familiar to me. It is a work in progress. But I don’t WANT to date this type, I run immediately now when I notice this behavior. Is there anything else I can do to attract other types?