Hey everyone,
I want to try and keep this short to not bore anyone. I’m a 24yr old female now. And I have pretty much no sex drive with my current partner.
Short back story, I was groomed for 8 years ages 12-20 by a male who was 6 years older than me – 18yrs old. It wasn’t a huge age gap compared to some stories I’ve heard, but it’s enough for an adult to know a child’s mind… This affected my home life, was kicked out of home and forced to live with this male, which at the time I thought It was what I truly wanted. All through that time I was mentally and physically manipulated and abused by him. I look back now and I want to cringe but I sadly didn’t know any better.
Thankfully I eventually built the courage to leave… wish I could name the creep…….
Now,
My current partner who is a 24yr old male is my childhood friend. We attended primary school together and were best friends then. Life got in the way and we separated our own ways. After leaving my abusive ex my current partner and I reconnected. Since then, we’re official and it’s a beautiful and REAL relationship. He ticks ALL of the boxes and caters to all of my needs. Just sadly, I have no sex drive, I don’t crave anything. He knows of my past and the nasty details and respects everything involved. And I feel terrible for not really wanting sex, it eats me up. This guy makes sex real for me, mentally and physically pleasurable. Yet, I never crave it. I have no idea how to fix that. I’ve built this relationship on feeling real and making sure it’s what I really want, and the libido isn’t apart of it. It’s so depressing and I feel terrible for my partner despite how patient he is. I feel like a let down. Does anyone have any advice? Thank you for your time everyone
2 comments
Did you “use to have” much sex drive? Some people just don’t and if that’s the case you just have an unfortunate incompatibility in drive.
If it’s due to the abuse (source: I know someone like that), a therapist willing to dig through your trauma rather than just prescribing pills I understand to be your best shot and the sooner the better.
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Good on you finding a good/kind partner after that abuse – many don’t or can’t. That’s a major step in and of itself.
Do you enjoy the sex when you have it? It’s just that you don’t crave it yourself and initiate? If so you should look up “responsive desire”. You may just not spontaneously feel desire or the “need” to initiate, but you respond t your partner and enjoy and love the sex. And there is nothing wrong with that, it’s just how you are. But if you don’t even enjoy it while having it, then maybe you are asexual. But all of this is likely related to your past sexual trauma and perhaps it could be resolved through therapy, etc. The