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Do you have a phrase or way to introduce a conversation when you want to talk about how things are going? Not necessarily a big talk or bringing up issues or defining the relationship, but I like to check in once in a while and ask for a “temperature check” on how he’s feeling about things. The pace, communication, frequency of dates, that sort of thing. I’ve found if you check in simply like this, issue may be avoided bc there is space for both of us to bring something up. Having a cute or easy way to introduce these convos is helpful. Lately I like refererring to them as temperature checks.
Damn yall, I screwed up. Went in way too deep with my feelings way too soon. Ignored my first rule of “play it cool” and scared her off. Should have asked her how she was feeling about us but just went full bore with how I felt first. I really felt a connection with this woman and I messed it up big this time. She broke it off with me and this is a much harder pill to swallow this time. Lesson learned.
Would like some insight.
Been saying my lady for like 8-9 months. Started off casual, like hanging out, hooking up, but, she’d text a lot, call in the morning before work, during lunch, and came up every chance she could (we live 45 mins apart). She’d say things like “I don’t want to screw this up” She was also the first to say I love you, a couple months ago. Our lives haven’t intertwined yet, like I haven’t met her family. She told me very early on that wouldn’t happen for a very long time. For the reasons she gives, I get it but it still feels a bit strange. Every ex of mine, their family approved, and loved me so I know how to get on with someone’s relatives.
We’ve both said when talking about ‘us’ — “Whatever….*this*.. is.” And agreed definitely more than just FWB, there’s exclusivity and the expectation to not be out sleeping with other people, she refers to me as “my man” when talking about me, we both know where each other are, know each others’ lives, everything about a relationship except the title.
Well, I haven’t seen her in a month and a half. She became sick, had to take leave from work, could not drive. Also, her landlord decided to sell, so she has to move back in with her parents for now, so she’s been moving, storage units, etc. All while being ill. (I’ve tried, offered to help, pick her up and take her out, and many other things, but, didn’t happen)
After a hospitalization, multiple Dr appointments, etc. She finally returned to work this past Friday, and is starting to drive around town again. She asked for my work schedule this month so we could figure out when we’re going to spend time. She called this morning, and mentioned how this Friday her family are doing stuff for Cinco de Mayo, Saturday is brothers bday, Sunday is a gender reveal, next weekend is mother’s day. She’s overwhelmed with how crazy and busy everything is after just starting to get back to her routine. She looked at my schedule, and said, she promised we’ll make something work and maybe Thursday she’ll come up after work, just wouldn’t be able to stay super long because she’d have work the next morning.
Normally, I’d be thinking, okay she isn’t as interested anymore. However, she keeps that same energy, initiating contact, calling every chance she gets, giving me what limited time she has, always saying I miss you, love you, etc. So I believe everything has been genuine. Maybe I’m being naive and strung along?
I am thinking of after we see each other a few times, and her life has gotten back to normal a bit, actually having “the talk” about, whether we should make this actually “official” or not. The DTR or whatever it’s called. I mean it’s going on a year here in a few months, and I’m feeling a bit insecure if I’m honest. If not, then either call it off or just propose we go back to being more casual? I don’t know.
am i wrong? we matched on an app. they live about 180 miles away (I’m in a major US city) and they said they drive here most weekends, so i said, sure let’s give it a try. We wanted to walk around maybe at a park and we agreed on Friday to meet today. Plans switched back and forth between a park or at a “museum”. I mentioned twice it was going to rain. Was it my responsibility to arrange logistics? They are driving their car, i suggested a specific museum but they never confirmed. It was always “a museum”. I texted this morning to check where exactly we were meeting and … again no specifics. I have trouble being patient with adults who can’t plan and be assertive about meeting at a place, we have smart phones and google. you can pick something, especially when it’s already the day of. I mean if you are coming to meet me, you need to arrange where you’re going to park, at least. but one of the excuses was “oh, i’m not sure how parking’s going to play out” and the second “oh the weather is going to be bad”. we knew about the weather since Friday… because i told you about it, twice. we know parking is bad, you say you come here every weekend and i’m sure you know downtown is a mess on the weekends. I ended up offering meeting at a local bar but that’s when they mentioned the bad weather. I then said let’s postpone … they said ok, i’ll be there next Saturday if you want meet. by then i was exhausted and i can’t imagine arranging meeting them, again. i told them LDR is not for me and that i was out. I can’t imagine going through this for the months to come 😓. I stopped doing things to meet them today and im annoyed about that lol. moral of the story, don’t change your life to meet anyone… plan things when you’re free!
Another OLD complaint. Just say you’re not emotionally available and will put in very little effort. Some of us will be into that, I promise.
Been rejected again after the third date. It’s happened so many times. Three nice dates, great conversation, get on really well, amazing sex. Then ghosted after the third date. Would give anything for any of these guys to give me feedback as to what I’m doing wrong so one day I’ll find someone who’s not disgusted by me once they start to get to know me 🙁 on paper I’m okay – conventionally attractive and in shape, educated, good job, nice person, can hold a conversation… but something about me just isn’t good enough.
So bummed. Went on a great first date yesterday and I thought we’d hit it off. I sent him a message a few hours after to thank him and he replied this morning, but I just get the feeling that he’s gone off me. Totally fine, these things happen, if he’s not feeling it then there’s nothing to be done. But I just needed to vent because I really did enjoy spending time with him and it just felt right, you know? Whyyy does this whole dating thing have to be such a mindfuck.
(Male) Is hinge my best bet to get back into dating? Been out of the “system” for over 10 years at this point. Looking for a long term relationship. Also should I list things like height (I’m short) to prevent problems of people being shocked if we meet?
I seem to attract men who either want to take it so painfully slow (no kiss by date 3) or want to send filthy messages forever but never actually meet. Have had to take decisive action and start fwb with an ex from last year. We’re both hurt from recent breakups so a temporary distraction and excellent sex feels like a no brainer. We both know where we stand, which helps. Maybe have more luck with OLD in summer 🤷🏻♀️
Why do so many guys have “organ and tissue donor” in OLD bio? Lol weird flex, I feel like that should not be the most interesting thing about a person but am I missing a reference or something?!
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Was just thinking in the shower how weird it is that my girlfriend is going to be moving in with me a block away from where my first girlfriend grew up (I dated her 15 years ago in my home state 1000 miles from here).
Life has a strange way of coming full circle. It took almost that long to get to a place where I’m mature enough to have the life I wanted here with that ex, and to accept that my ex was never going to be the right person to build that life with.
I got laid off this week.
I’m not sure if this makes things better or worse. I lost a pretty well paying job, it was a good social check-mark, professional, high ranking… But I fucking *hated* it. I feel less like they laid me off and more like they freed me.
I gained a bunch of freedom. I have six months of unemployment, I want to take at least two or three months to travel. When I get back… I kinda want to downgrade to a less stressful job that I don’t have to care about. I live simply, kind of want to go back to bartending; pay my rent, 20 hours a week, better freedom, less security.
Dating wise… Do I want to be “just a bartender” at 40? So long as it’s still paying my bills in my awesome and cheap apartment? I want my life back.
I’ve been dating my guy for about 4 months now, and we’ve been talking for about 6 months. We’ve had several dates, and we talk and text often. He’s very sweet, but he’s shy and inexperienced. We went out yesterday and had a really nice time, but there was something that I noticed. He’s still *so nervous* when we’re together. Foot tapping, fast talking, stammering, that sort of thing. He’s not like that around other people. It doesn’t bother me, but I wish he could relax a little more. Hoping it gets better with time.
Musings of a 40 year old male first time OLD…
Never thought I would pay for an app.
I thought my experience would be different.
I’ve had two first dates in 10 days.
Two second dates planned.
Started and shared goal was always to get laid.
I think it’s going to be rough when I want a real relationship.
Was told by a person I’d been talking to for awhile and had met up with that they weren’t emotionally available for a relationship like they thought. I was okay with this because I was feeling like we’d be better off friends anyhow. Because I didn’t feel that spark, but they were always wonderful to talk to and we had a lot in common. We both agreed to the friends thing, but it doesn’t feel like we’ll actually be friends. Just kind of the thing you say, you know? And I’ve been sad about it all. Like I didn’t want a relationship with this person either, but now it just feels like a door has been not only shut, but boarded over. We could and did talk for hours about all sorts of things and I assume that’s what is making me sad right now. Because I don’t have many people like that in my life atm. But idk. Has anyone had a similar experience? My emotional response over this is really throwing me for a loop here
Commented on woman’s picture of her in front of a waterfall.
I said,
“Wow this is a really nice picture”
She called me ugly, said I had small dick energy, and hope I died alone.
I laughed at the last part.
Update from: https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/12wg9rx/daily_sticky_thread_for_rants_raves_celebrations/jhg4ln1?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
He’s very happy I reconnected with him and wasn’t put off by his personal drama. We talked on the phone for 3 glorious hours the other day and text every evening now. He’s planning a surprise date this coming weekend. He’s expressed his interest in me and the feeling is mutual. I want to tell him how I feel but I don’t know if we’re moving too fast?
It’s been years since I’ve felt this way about a guy (and he likes me back too, wth?) and the first time I’ve felt this way about someone I’ve met on OLD. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t want him to think I’m holding back or don’t like him as much. He asked me what my opinion is of him and I gave a positive non-answer. I feel like I need a second date to convince myself that this is real.
What if does turn out to be real? Do I tell him then? Should we put a label on it? I literally stopped swiping the day I met him. How does this work? I can’t think.
I went out last night and got asked out in the wild! He messaged today but unfortunately I was only visit the city and live about 4 hours away. Just my luck.
Just had another date. This is date numero six. I met his friends for the first time too. Not sure what they think of me 😬 I’m a little awkward when introduced to a group of people and I’m the only one who doesn’t know anyone. I want to believe we hit a milestone but Idk. Not sure if being introduced to friends is a big deal or not.
Every time we end a date I get this fear it will be the last. This time this feeling is even stronger. Like maybeee things are getting boring for him. Our dates usually start in the evening and end around afternoon next day so we spend A LOT of time together. It seemed he wanted to end it earlier today than planned though. And when I asked him out for next week he hasn’t responded yet although he is usually pretty quick to do so whenever I ask him out!
I’ve (39M) been out of the scene for quite a while. Went on a few casual dates over the last year or two with people from my social circle, which were disappointing. So it’s time to meet someone new!
Is there any consensus on the best sites for far-left people late 30’s to early 40’s to look for folks seeking the same? I don’t even know where to start, but I figure I should at least make an effort before my odometer rolls over to 40 this summer.
Thanks!
I think I’m getting slow faded after hooking up on the 4th date. I’m trying not to take it personally, but I feel like shit about myself.
struggling with not feeling appreciated by my partner. he’s been going through a hard time mentally and financially lately and i’ve tried to be there for him. i’ve been cooking him food, packing his lunch, paying for all our dates or if we go out for drinks.
i used to tell him he can just get me back or get the next one but he never has any money so i stopped keeping track and i’ve noticed he doesn’t even thank me half the time anymore or offer to pay me back (i don’t expect him to but at least say thanks). in fact, i suspect he’s gotten comfortable with it and expects me to pay for his meals, and sometimes drops hints he wants something or to eat a certain thing around me in hopes i’ll get it for him knowing he doesn’t have the money to get it himself.
i make more than him but i’m not well off by any means especially with inflation right now but i have been cutting back on my own spending because of him. i go out of my way to be there for him if he’s having a bad day but i don’t feel like he’s available to support me emotionally.
these are all things i’m happy to do for my partner but it would be nice for the effort to be reciprocated or appreciated to some degree. i can’t help but feel that things are very one-sided and now my anxious brain is questioning if he even likes me or just keeps me around because i do so much for him. we’ve been dating five months and it seems like a lot for sucha short relationship.
Definitely feeling a pang of loneliness tonight. My GF flew out to visit family in another country for the next month, so we won’t see each other physically for a good bit.
Miss her like crazy already, but I know it’ll go by fast. Trying to get back into doing more social things (sports leagues, etc.) to try to make friends, now that my work hours have settled a little. Will look at the time apart as an opportunity to do that at least.
I’ve finally downloaded Meetup to meet some new people! Added some groups… now I just need to push myself to actually go to a thing. Eeeee. Post pandemic non OLD life has commenced.
The one I might just start with is one that goes for walks around my city – one coming up is a guided tour. Easy enough, right?!
Learned something important today. My crush is only *recently* single. Like in the last couple months.
I’m not sure how long his last relationship was. But it was long enough that people in our mutual friend group knew they were together. And he’s shared some stories about things they had done together.
He *seemed* over her and like there were no hard feelings. So I just assumed it had been longer. For weeks now he’s been dropping all kinds of “I’m single” comments and seemed to be broadcasting what he offers as a partner and what he was looking for. We sounded compatible. He’s been giving me extra attention in the group and I assumed flirting with me. Then after it seemed like things were escalating one on one, he suddenly brushed me off. After making a comment about how we should get together in a couple months.
He’s continued to be very attentive towards me in the group but I’ve left the ball is his court if he wants to connect one on one again.
Now I’m thinking maybe him being so recently single is the reason for his flirty but not totally pursuing behavior. And the comment about getting together in a couple months. Maybe he just needs more time.
It’s also thrown some cold water on my face so to speak. I’m not interested in being a rebound – I think this might have potential to be something real. But it’s clear to me why the circumstances aren’t right. At least not yet.
If you start talking to someone and they ask you to delete your Hinge profile… but also state that they aren’t necessarily serious about you yet and just want to get to know you better… do you?
Or would you keep OLD until you know you are serious?
The chap from a few months ago who basically blindsided me had the nerve to message me today asking if we were ever going to talk again and that he missed my energy.
Buddy, you don’t get to have your cake and eat it too. My energy was there because I thought we were pursuing a relationship together but once I realized that was not the case, I cut contact. I’m not as angry about it but I made it clear that we cannot be friends so he can reap the benefits of being around me. So selfish.