I’m (F) new to the hookup culture since my breakup and so far I’ve done it with two guys, both I found from dating apps. The first guy wanted me to focus on sucking his dick more than him giving me foreplay (I don’t mind giving anyone a bj with the expectation that they’ll do the same to me, but I had to ask him several times to eat me out) so I didn’t like the experience. Second guy was even worse; made out and went straight to penetration, didn’t even care if I was wet or not.
I’m not sure if I want to continue any further since I feel doomed that if I want good sex, I’d need to be in a relationship. I say this because the sex I had with my ex was amazing (foreplay first then his turn). Getting into another relo is out of the question though.
How do sus out guys who would be considerate at sex? Or am I doomed because guys on the dating apps only care about what they need?
29 comments
Look for good listeners and a good sense of humor. Also pay attention to how the conversations go – do they ask you questions about yourself (your life and passions)? Or are they more interested in talking about themselves? How people communicate often mirrors the type of person they are in bed.
Straight up ask him? Otherwise you can also look at r/raomd for example and see if there is a guy in your area who is looking to eat someone out. If you’re lucky there is even a guy in your area who has done it more often and who has a review/ success story on his profile
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Um tbh a lot of people who get on sites to just have sex tend to not care about others pleasure. It’s rare to meet someone in general who are compatible sex partners. They may just be looking for THEIR own pleasure and some will not care about yours at all. You need to take this into consideration when searching for a partner or just for a sexual encounter on one random night. Im
Not sure about your age but me at 32 found this out in my early 20s. I have been fortunate enough to find a few fwb that worked for a while, but the others just wanted either a quickie to satisfy them right then and there, then leave, or the woman just didn’t care about my own satisfaction during sex. I’m not saying to stop, but just take this into consideration and don’t assume just because you can get sex, it ain’t always going to be good. Also since you were in a relationship, your ex had time to figure you out, that had a lot to do with why you feel unsatisfied. Also the best fwb I have had, normally communicate better with me and we take our time with each other and have fun, no need to always get right down to business, if you want one night stands, sadly you may be more unsatisfied than you first thought.
As a general rule, you’re looking for a generous, non-selfish person. I don’t know how you can find that out without at least a little bit of conversation to see what they do in life. Their actions will indicate pretty clearly if they are selfish or not. Of course, you have to trust that their words are accurately describing their actions lol.
I always ask a potential partner what they are into before meeting up. If they talk about things that I am not into or don’t seem interested in mutual pleasure, I cut them loose. The ones that talk about making sure they get to explore my whole body will usually do just that. I love to give oral but it’s also important to me that my partner wants me to have an amazing encounter. People that focus on hookups often just want to get off so you need to weed those out.
Many women dont like casual sex for the reason that most can be bad. Can try to talk about how its important to u prior. Suggest 69 instead of just a bj. Dont do piv until ur warmed up
Ask them; whats your idea of good sex for a woman?
I’d put in the dating app description, discretely, that it has to be give and take with patience.
The truth is that there’s really no way to know. There are selfish people who are very giving in bed, and there are giving people who are very demanding in bed. Conversations, emotional intelligence and sex are not intrinsically linked.
It’s like watching good dancers — we have this impression that good dancers must be good and bed, and bad dancers must be terrible, but it’s just a hasty judgment that doesn’t necessarily reflect reality.
You just found one, I think it’s important to make sure to reciprocate from the start with lots of foreplay and pleasure for the woman first then that always turns into an amazing time.
Listen to what they focus on when sexting. Do they talk about what you’re going to do them, or what they’re going to do to you?
Not a perfect test, of course. Plenty *say* they want to do all these lovely things but then when it comes down to it, are only interested in their own pleasure.
Be straight up and let them know that you want oral, and a lot of it. Some guys (raises hand) enjoy going down almost more than receiving so it shouldn’t be a hard sell
It’s a selfish man that doesn’t make sure you’re taken care of first
I tell men in advance now that for me, it’s ‘foreplay, or no play’, that I expect to cum too, and I’m only interested in sleeping with men who like eating pussy. The last two guys I’ve slept with (who I’ve seen multiple times), always eat me out until I cum before anything starts. What I do with them/what works best for me is, foreplay (being eaten out preferably) until I cum, switching to returning the favour until they want to fuck and then switching to PIV.
Making sure a guy knows your preferences in advance is important. If he doesn’t like eating pussy and isn’t interested in doing foreplay in general and lets you know this much, you can just tell him you aren’t compatible and wish him the best.
Try fetlife and be very specific 9n what you are looking for
It will be difficult to sus out people who are considerate and selfless when it comes to sex. Always difficult cause guys will sometimes say whatever they want just to get something and not to add to the anxiety but even after x number of times something new (in a bad way) might come up later (ex. stealthing being a big one). not to mention with having little conversation doesn’t help either.
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An option, tho it’s more of a longer method, is the first 1 or 2 times you meet up, have them pleasure you and stuff first with no expectation that penetration will happen. Might help weed out people who are more genuine. Or can go 1 step further and tell them you orgasm first before any penetration? Kinda extreme but reduces the chances of them finishing and then being done?
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Best of luck and play safe!
If all you want is casual sex, then ask them what being with them is like. Ask for specifics. Ask what they are into.
It’s not foolproof. People lie. But it’s helpful.
Just ask. Where you finding hookups on Tinder?
Straight up ask, I’m real forward about my desire to eat out. I love it more than everything else
Find a FWB? I’d say do the same type of thing you would with finding a normal bf, but after getting to know him a bit then just establish the FWB part?
First of all, stop trying to meet a quality guy through a dating app. When you search through people like a meat mkt. You get meat. When you actually have phone conversations with people and talk about likes and dislikes, especially sexual. This should come up. Best place to meet a considerate mate…Gym, Store, college, event/mixer, religious events. Worst places to meet a considerate mate…Dating app, Bar, club, any place where people are drunk. I will say this, if a guy thinks you do this sex thing casually and easily. He will be far less likely to lick you in the hole that he thinks other dudes have also recently been in. You can say you haven’t been with many guys, but the casual nature of the hook up tells the guy differently. Think about it. Being casual says alot to a man that he never tells you. But if you talk to a man just a bit, share some simple likes and dislikes about life and sex and relationships. Make him feel like you have some pussy standards. He will want to eat your pussy first before he fucks you, because of how it makes you feel and then he will want the BJ b4 sex because it will give him the fattest boner to use on you. There are levels to this to get what you want. You are living in hook up culture wanting intimate connections. Hate to say it ladies..eating Pussy is different than sucking Dick.
Something that works for me is massage. If she’s interested in stretching out I’m letting me work on her feet and legs. How interested she is and letting me move upwards or not. It’s a pretty good measuring method. Obviously if she’s into it I keep going and we do the hands thing and then the fingers thing.
If she starts using her hands on me or wants one of my legs too then everything’s golden. It’s kind of a natural progression. If something’s off or not feeling it or she gets weird then it’s a much easier conversation subliminally speaking
I only meet up with men who can carry a conversation in-app for at least a few days. Any man who responds with one-word answers and never asks a question about me or my interests is probably someone who won’t be particularly concerned with my pleasure in bed, is my thought on the matter.
Make out in the venue already and watch for what his next move is.
I put “must love 👅 🐱” on my profile
Lol Jesus
I would chat with them before meeting up. See if they can at least talk the talk when it comes to foreplay, teasing and going down on you. See if they can describe the going down on you rather than just a general “want to stick my tongue in you” and moving on like an amateur.
Add this to your profile: “I don’t mind a guy eating out so long as he cleans his plate” you’ll find one of us